I finally got to go out with that “cute guy” I met when I attended your last event. But after going out on a first date with him, I’m not sure if he is “the one”.
We couldn’t get enough of each other.
Of course he wound up being a total nightmare in the end.
I don’t want to make another mistake like that again.
Any advise on or inside info you can give me to help me make my decision on “the cute guy” ?
Giving up too soon, or going at 100 miles an hour while dating someone can both lead to disaster!
Truth be told, it takes much more than the 7mins at a SPEED DATING event, followed up with a first REAL date, to know for sure how you really feel about continuing the dating process with someone.
(And for them to realize just how fabulous YOU are too!).
Same goes for online dating.
Chatting on the phone, looking at pics does not mean you can let yourself believe you have “met the one” until you have met and actually DATED “the one” before allowing yourself to go there!
And even if your first outing with a guy or girl doesn’t result in instant chemistry and love-at-first-sight, it doesn’t mean that those intense feelings won’t develop in time once you’ve had a chance to shake off the nerves and get to know the REAL person behind the new date outfit and minty-fresh smile.
On the other hand, trying to speed things up, to a intense relationship level, before the first date is even over is equally as unproductive.
Dating is a process, which will reveal itself as positive experience with future potential or a negative experience with NO potential when the right time has come.
Now sometimes you know right away especially if there are “deal breakers” involved and waving their bright red flags in front of your face!
Here a list of some DEAL BREAKERS or the “Bottom line” decision makers to go forward to the next date, or to abandon ship now!
* Major “mama’s boy” or still is “Daddy’s princess”
* Has a history of – or has shown a tendency toward – ANY kind of abuse (mental, emotional, physical)
* Person has an activate and present drug or alcohol problem (or smoking cigarettes if that’s on your list too)
* Shows a complete lack of manners (EXAMPLE- on first date is very RUDE to the waiter/waitress)
* You don’t feel an ounce of chemistry with him (This one is self explanatory!)
* You’re hopelessly incompatible with one another (*you want kids someday, he never does; you want to marry a Jew, he’s Catholic, etc…)
* Financially irresponsible life style. (in debt, looking for a way out)
Do yourself a favor and come up with your own list of DEAL BREAKERS today, so they’re always in the back of your mind. It will allow you to weed out the undesirables in the dating pool and leave you with only the most qualified candidates and help you truly become a SELECTIVE DATER.
Now here’s some great simple statements to say to yourself to keep your feet planted safely on the ground for all those SPEED DATERS…
- I will not compromise my bottom line no matter HOW attractive he or she is!
- I realize FANTASIES keep me off balance – I WILL NOT start spinning fantasies about the future no matter how attractive he or she is
- If he or she seems to be too good to be true, they probably are. (*old school rule and works great for dating….)
- If this doesn’t work, remember there is still something valuable I will have learned from the experience.
And speaking of dates that don’t go your way… try to remember that dates gone wrong are never a waste of time..
“Nothing ventured nothing gained”
Hope that helps in making your decision, keep in touch and let me know how it’s going!
All the best,
PS – Got a friend with a hot first date coming up?
Forward this blog – they’ll thank you for it!
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