I received my matches and honestly do not understand why the lack of matches (?) I felt a very good connection with many of the younger women on at least a person level. Perhaps it is simply an age thing at this point? I know I am older now, maybe the issue revolves more around being gray and bald? I take really good care of myself and from my perspective, even subtracting for age, I think I would be fairly appealing on various levels to a younger woman. In the not too distant past, I tried speed dating before and 12 of 15 women were interested. Any helpful pointers you could offer I would appreciate. Thanks
Signed “Mr. 49”
Dear Mr. 49,
The group of ladies you met last time when you received all those matches were all in the age range of 42-52 – this group of ladies was much younger.
Let me start by saying I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships.
We older folks may always argue why its best to pick the older mate because “Time creates wisdom”
This is true… but it also creates responsibilities and complications –
Divorce scars, mortgage, kids, career, etc.
All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older.
Hey…let’s face it ladies, it’s a lot easier for an older man with all these responsibilities, to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, good looking wrinkle free 28-year-old girl!
Now… before any 45+ people get all hot and bothered about this, understand I myself have reached my 52nd birthday and I’m not condoning this. I’m simply just OBSERVING that it happens.
And what I also observe, is Men may want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman in her 30’s has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is 10 or more YEARS OLDER?
Not many, I’m thinking.
But I bet you are saying to yourself right now…
Hey you’re wrong… I am the exception the 30something year old WILL want !
I don’t look or feel my age…and my last girlfriend was 15 years younger.
OK so she left me when I lost my job … but we really did love each other!!!
She understood the advantages in dating a 49 year-old guy. He’s a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already (ok she did complained a little about the visitation things and my X-wife).
My much young x-girlfriend told me she likes older men because we embody wisdom and stability. We can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. We’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twenty-something party boy! She even told me once I remind her of her father… strong, nurturing guy who took care of her and treated her like a princess.
Dear older man … there is nothing wrong with you being attracted to a fertile and youthful woman in her 30’s. Really. I’m not judging you. But you must understand that any woman you desire in that age group has choices. Lots and lots of choices. The guy who’s 45- 55 is not on the top of her list. Yes its true. It’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. She can go out with a cute, successful man who is 35. Or 40. Or 45. Or 50.
And nobody has more choices than a 30-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go online, and wade through a few thousand applicants, go to a few happy hours or attend a few singles events and have a few 1000 options. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45 when can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a 49 almost 50 something year old guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s in her sexual prime.
Are you getting the idea?
This does not mean that you’re not a great looking in shape guy for your age with a ton to give and the purest intentions. Bald is HOT to many woman, AND you will on occasion meet a few much younger gals are not so age focused. What you’re failing to recognize is that what most successful quality younger women really want for the long haul… A peer. A partner or maybe a youthful father for her unborn children to help her raise them.
Not a father figure for herself.
Single middle-aged men and women clients will tell me…”I can’t help what I’m attracted to” And hey, I don’t blame them. However, as long as they close their minds to not dating people who are age-appropriate, they’re really going to struggle and fail miserably.
Singles need to be more flexible about the age thing. Youthful extremely attractive people have tons of options and can afford to be choosy. AND as long as they have the perception of choice, they’re going to choose to trade up for someone a little bit cuter, a little bit richer, a little bit closer. It’s not fair, it’s not right, it just is.
I know… we are just human and want what WE want, even if what we want is unrealistic. So much so are we dazzled by looks and youth that we pass up amazing people OUR OWN AGE who are a much better fit for us.
Yes there will be some younger women that will overlook your age. They usually are the type that have a strong lust of money or maybe they need a daddy figure, but most of the 30 somethings I talk to, are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.
Okay, older men – write to me and tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.
We all have to come to terms with the person in the mirror as we age. We are no longer on the outside are the youthfully looking person we were 15 years or more ago Mr. Peter Pan…
YES I could afford plastic surgery – how about a face lift, breast lifts, Liposuction or more…
If you ever saw the movie “death becomes her” you would know how I really feel about that kind of stuff.! lol
In the movie, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn fought dearly to keep their youth.. and paid dearly for it in the end.
Why not accept someone who likes you for you not your money or social status? Keep your box of options wide open and remember ….
Age is just a number.
All the best on your quest!,