I met someone at one of your events and have been dating this guy for a little over a month now. I have really strong feelings for him. He is very open and honest with me. He just got out of a bad relationship about 4 months ago.
We have talked about it. He told me right up front that he was
not ready to commit; he is dating other women. He asked me if i was dating others? and I said no, I am not seeing or talking to other men and I told him this because I am very honest with him.He was pleased to hear that as he said he does not like competition.
But I feel maybe I should be dating others, as I have told him I do not know how long I am willing to sit and wait for him.
What would your advise be to this?
“not good at sharing with others”
Dear “not good at sharing with others”
Thanks for writing and sharing!
Wow… at first my very first thought when I read this was that, this man has a lot of nerve if he expects you to NOT date other people – when
Hello, double standard??
However! When I read what you wrote more carefully, this is not actually what the man saying. He didn’t TELL you not to date others – he just admitted that it would be nice for him if he had no competition. He was definitely not telling you that you had to stay home while he’s out dating YOUR competition!
I have a feeling that you may think that your “loyalty” will win you points with this man, but all it might do is make him feel a little bit guilty.
Your instincts told you, you should be dating others because after all, he is not on the same page as you! Ready and willing to be in a relationship.
He told you straight up… not ready to commit; he is dating other women. Hey sorry if anyone out there doesn’t agree… but I give him credit for being honest with you! Some men (and women do this too…) will tell you what you want to hear, and go out and do what they want anyway.
How I suggest you handle it, is not to be upset with him, in fact be sweet to him, and tell him that you are okay with what he said, because you too, are just not quite ready to be tied down yet either. And then change the subject – and enjoy your time WITH him.
DATE OTHERS keep your options open, this dude needs some competition! Ultimately doing this will either bring him closer to you, or you will be able to walk away not feeling shortchanged that you were a “good girl” waiting while he plays the field!
I think that is because women don’t consider that “dating others” does NOT mean “sleeping with others.” Dating others, simply just means that you are literally going out with someone and enjoying their company. You owe it to yourself to at least try to feel perfectly free to do just that… go out on a date, if the opportunity arises.
I tell you this because I learned the hard way, out of my own dating experiences why this is the best way to approach it.
I was dating this gentleman I met on the internet. He told me upfront, he really liked me but wasn’t quite ready to date exclusively. So I tried to date/meet other men but ultimately I just wanted to be with him. I waited patiently, never put any pressure on him, and after a while, I realized that he was never going to commit. Why would he? He was having his cake and eating it too! I eventually told him I couldn’t be with him anymore, that he wasn’t giving me what I needed and that I was out.
OH and guess what? Five days later after I cut him loose, he met a woman at a bar and started dating her, it has now been 4 years and they are still together.
So try to be strong and cut him loose early on before you get in too deep. Don’t sell yourself short. You deserve to be with somebody who appreciates you and sees you for the amazing person that you are and wants you exclusively. Don’t waste precious time on someone that thinks they are missing out, or is telling you they are “damaged” from past relationships and has to keep searching (Dating others) – can’t make commitments.
There are many out there that will fall in love with you and never look back.
All the best on your quest!,