No, this week’s blog is not about how to date cheap!
But I will post that one soon…
This week we will discuss a very important topic about your future success in dating. I see this on a regular basis with so many singles and I fear they will remain single for a lot longer than they desire. Why?
They are limiting their options with a narrow (or impossible) search criteria.
I like to refer to this as:
“Dating with a Champagne taste with a Beer pocketbook”
That’s an old phrase which the definition reads:
Someone who lives above his or her means and likes things they cannot afford has champagne taste on a beer budget.
What do I mean by that?
Your taste / standards in men or women are really beyond your reality.
When we begin a relationship we both “bring something to the table”. Someone might be well off financially and someone may admire the other person’s knowledge in money-making skills, and can learn from their financial wisdom. (OK or maybe they just want to date a RICH GUY!)
Or maybe you are way above average in looks, and this natural born blessing can attract many men
Maybe you are good at cooking and the other person is not, and values that talent….
OR you could be a very careful, decisive person, and you admire some else for their ability to make decisions so accurately yet impulsively.
Yes, there is something to the Yin / Yang theory that opposites attract… But even opposites have an equal balance between them.
Because if they don’t you will find that:
Opposites attract – THEN ATTACK!
Hey let’s be real… YES we all have dreams.
We all have standards.
We all have ideas about how it’s supposed to look or be.
But when we remain trapped in our fantasies, reality suffers.
And nowhere is this more apparent than in the dating scene.
Are you dating with a Champagne taste on a Beer pocketbook?
Are your standards for love too high?
Let’s take a little test here…
Look through 100 profiles on online and ask yourself the following questions:
- How many did you find attractive?
- How many met your criteria: age, height, weight, income, smoking, religion, etc.?
- How many wrote interesting profiles that would make you think they’d be compelling conversation on a date?
Now look at the number of people that met the above criteria’s of yours,
How many out of that 100 made the cut?
That is your percentage. If the number of people who met your requirements is less than 5 percent then you need to re-think your wish list.
Yes this may be shocking to discover, but out of 100 people online, you may have found there are only five are even dateable.
So now consider this…out of those five, how many of them do you think will love your family and appreciate your quirks?
How many of them have the same long-term relationship goals as you?
Most importantly, how many of those five will think that you are cute enough to them, thin enough, young enough, rich enough, smart enough, kind enough and interesting enough?
They have choices too.
So what does all this mean?
Are we doomed to a life of solitude and loneliness?
But we might have to adjust our perspective a bit, though.
We need to open up our age range, our height range, our body types, to people we might not have considered otherwise. Until we give others a chance, what hope do we have that they will give us a chance?
This is a perfect example of why I say that meeting in person at single events is SO much better then online dating. So many times we pass on opportunities online, that had we met in person, we would have chosen them to begin with. In real life, if you start talking to someone at a speed dating party who is intriguing, and the next day get their phone number and set up a date. You may not find out until later that he’s a different religion, or political party and by then you already like them!
A perfect example of this is a couple that both in there early 40’s and both had never been married. Both have a long list of “must haves”, including meeting a partner of the same religion.
Well guess what? They met at party 6 months ago, SHE is Catholic and Republican. HE is Jewish and a Liberal and they have been together ever since.
What this all means is anything is possible if we LIKE someone and broaden our views.
What we think we “must have” merely limits our options.
For example, I know of a male customer that comes to my events, who is 57 and owns a multimillion-dollar business he started when he was in his 20’s . He insists he ONLY wants a woman younger then him, as any woman his age or older will “not be able to keep up with him”.
He never got a college degree, so he wouldn’t cut it in many women’s educational requirements that earn as much as he does.
Too bad for him! I’ve know of a single female who is 63 and still bike rides 30 miles round trip to work, loves to ski and play tennis. She’s amazingly beautiful, youthful and vibrant, intelligent and completely off the radar for most men her age.
It’s a shame, isn’t it?
Actually when you think about it, what it does is reminds us how hard it is to find somebody special. Signing up for online dating, or going to singles events, in hopes of falling in love right away with Mr. Or Ms “Perfect” is pretty much the equivalent of going to Vegas, walking up to the first slot machine you see, throwing in a $1 and win back one million on the first try.
NOW don’t get me wrong…by no means am I suggesting that we shouldn’t have standards or we should not believe there is no such thing as a perfect match; so take the next train wreck that comes in!
No one should ever compromise on his or her morals, values, and spiritual affiliation. With that said, I must say that there are a ton of single men and women out here who has a long lists of MUST HAVES which are totally unrealistic and with little flexibility on their dream man or woman list.
If you insist that you could never date someone who didn’t have an advanced degree, make at least six figures, must be a good-looking rate of 9.5 on a scale of 1-10 (especially when you are a 5 at best, MUST love to ski, and never ever looses his temper or disagrees, OR you must find someone that is still a virgin with no children to start a family and you are 45, you just might need to get real.
Should that be the case, your standards are not too high they’re just plain foolish.
Is it possible you could be creating your own roadblocks?
This quote says it perfectly:
Rumi: Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
All the best on your quest!,