A gentleman who attended a SPEED DATING event recently, inquired about an interesting question.
I don’t understand why women say YES (mark me down as a match) when in fact they really mean NO? I call, or I email a friendly hello and invitation, yet they do not respond.
No response, which is actually kind of rude. Why do they say yes in the first place?
Well dear gentleman, I did some research for this one. And also know a few things about it from being a woman myself!
For starters: Many people (women even more so) are uncomfortable about saying no.
Here are some reasons why
2. She says yes because she fears the other person will be upset with her, or be disappointed in her and be angry with her.
(*Food for thought…. are you pushing too hard for a YES from her?)
3. She says yes because…. saying yes means avoiding having a difficult conversation about saying “no thanks”.
4. She fears being judged or criticized by you, so she tries to avoid this by saying what she thinks you want to hear. (Not your issue this is hers!)
5. She says yes because she fears she might not be asked again…. but then discovers the guy she REALLY wanted, does say YES too. So she tosses the “maybes” out.
So how can we change this?
Well first we have to remember… we can’t change anyone else, just ourselves.
If someone says YES when they really mean no, understand it is something going on with THEM not you. Sometimes its because the other person’s confidence is low and doesn’t set good bounties and place their own priorities first.
Wanting to be liked isn’t a bad thing. But when someone makes their own value and worth dependent on what others think, then they have created a scenario that doesn’t allow them to take care of themselves – sometimes caring for you means disappointing someone else.
Ever hear the expression have to cruel to be kind ? Meaning that you sometimes have to be somewhat harsh (say no thanks) so that a person understands what you have to say. Men in particular appreciate a woman that knows what she wants, even if it’s a no thanks.
Its more respectful to say no thanks- I don’t think we are a match then lead the person down a road you never wanted them on in the first place!
So how can we say no the first time and politely?
1. Remember no is a perfectly good answer!
3. Do not justify your answer. If someone asks WHY do you think we are not a match? Simply say “ because we are not a match” you don’t need to explain.
4. Remember you are saying no to the request not the person and in the person will appreciate your honesty and forthright decision.
It’s important to keep in mind, when we are on the receiving side of the No thanks… we must also respect that decision. That the “no thanks” we received was actually an act of kindness in the grand scheme of things.
Because maybe NEXT time, we will get an absolute YES from him and an absolute YES from her with no doubts from either party.
All the best on your quest!