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So I got this note from a single woman which I found interesting … here is her dilemma followed by my response…

 

Hi Gail,

I’m not sure if you address this new group of singles, but I know there are a lot of us out here.

The older women who are raising children- whether they be adopted at a late age or given birth to at a late age or many are raising and have custody of their grandchildren.

We never get to go out and babysitter fees are high and we don’t fit into the activities of younger parents meeting each other and bringing their children to events.

I’m thinking maybe no men want to meet us lol… seriously maybe there really isn’t a place for us in meeting someone. We are doomed to be lonely. 🙂 Maybe that one man in a million who never had children and would like to raise one later in life? Not very probable.

Well I just wanted to bring us to your attention that we would love to join things somehow – there are quite a few of us silently out here- but as I said maybe there are no men interested.
Have a great day

Suzie 

 


Hi Suzie,

New group of singles ? I didn’t realize we were categorizing singles … ?

All singles looking for love… of ALL AGES… have their crosses to bear…

*Women in their mid to late 30’s that want to have children who have not yet found “the one” and are afraid of missing the boat on that one…

*Singles that are handicapped physically or mentally but are high functioning or someone battling (or recovered from) cancer and can not find someone to accept them for who they are inside.

*Folks my age (62) that are dealing with aging parents (like raising kids again but worse) that need their care and don’t have enough time to socialize

*Middle aged single parents that still have their adult children living with them (this many singles find a turn off)

*All the “separated” but living with their spouses in the basement … that are doing that until the kids get to be 21 or 18 … who wants to date someone yet they are still living (technically) with their married partner! But they will insist they must live this way for financial reasons and for the “sake of the kids”

*And of course your situation that you described – Middle aged or older singles living with and  raising or taking care of  younger children for whatever the reason

Yet… I know of singles in everyone one of these above situations that DID find love. Will all of them find love? No perhaps not, but does that mean we go around with the belief that it will never happen ?  I think not!

You can choose to be lonely or not. It is a choice.

The time in my life when I was the most lonely, was when I was married ! Living in a very loveless marriage and trapped with young children. Not having the freedom that comes with being single – to arrange my life the way I wanted without having to ask permission.

You don’t have to go out every weekend or weekday to meet someone. But despite your situation, you must find a way to carve out some time for yourself to enjoy a different side of life… meeting new singles.

Hey.. check out my situation… here I was a successful entrepreneur hosting singles events and I could not find someone that would accept this as OK to date! Men would say .. you do WHAT for a living? and you’re not available to date on the weekends because you are working… I would be like .. Dude.. it’s not like I am dancing on tables here.. I am hosting events for singles which I find rewarding, does it mean I will cheat on you? NO that’s not my style and HEY .. what’s wrong with dating on a THURS or WED ? or SUN night ?

I wasn’t about to give up my new found business just to make someone else happy. This went on for 7 long years! And at age 58 I finally met someone that accepted me and my world as OK .. no problem here!

Love is worth waiting for, and does not come easily… even though we live in a very disposable world. But that does not mean no one finds love? I have proof people do find each other, despite their situations (SEE TESTIMONIALS HERE) 

If you have a strong desire to meet someone then do something about it. You can make this choice. Figure out how … FIRST you must make time to socialize

Pursue all and any avenues – Happy hours, backyard BBQ with new singles girlfriends families, take a class, GO to single events, try online dating.
Create opportunities. Be positive.

And most of all be patient and enjoy your time now. It will happen for you .

Warm Regards,

From Gail Adams
www.7inheavensingles.com
Landline- 631 592 9804

#SpeedDating #Singles #Advice #FindLove #dating #longIsland

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I received a call the other day from someone who was thinking of registering for a SPEED DATING event of ours. The woman went on to explain her boyfriend of 6yrs just “left her” and to use her words… was devastated and lost, as she stated she really loved him. She claims she doesn’t even know exactly WHY the breakup happened and doesn’t think she will ever meet anyone again. She can’t seem to get the whole thing out of her mind; so because her friends insisted she should get out, she was calling me to go to the SPEED DATING event.

I told her: 

OF COURSE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN!

But are you sure you are ready to do an event like Speed Dating yet? 

If you can’t get this off your mind, you may talk about it a bit too much, and if you did, it would not be to your advantage to tell every man you meet at the event what you just told me! How much you loved this man and how brokenhearted you are. Not attractive…

I agree with your friends you need to get out of the house and do something, but I encourage you to be honest with everyone you meet and explain you are joining us tonight to simply make some new friends at this point and leave it at that.

The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal after a breakup or separation.

DON’T isolate yourself, get out and socialize, but don’t look for an immediate replacement!

Instead try just going out just for the fun of … going out!

This is why I host all kinds of events for every stage of this process.

Some are not actually ready at this time to step out and go on a real “DATE”.  So for those I suggest a Speed Dating event, which is really a great way to “practice” dating again for those that have not dated in quite some time. Or for some, a simple mixer such as a single mingle or activity (Bowling, Mini Golf etc.) event is a great way to ‘get your feet wet’.

Or for our newbie’s to dating… try our Social Networking Brunch (CLICK HERE for the NEXT Suffolk or Nassau event ) simply to just make some new single friends! For some  all they may need at this point, is to get back out there and simply make some new single friends, whom you have more in common with.

Or even better… attend one of our Dating Discussion Workshops held once a month with a different topic each month CLICK HERE for our next event!

The first 6 months to a year after a death of a spouse, divorce, or breakup of a long term relationship, are hard enough; so don’t make it worse by sitting home alone and sulking. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if you have to. Get out there and spend time around caring newly single people like yourself now more than ever.

But date slowly during this process.

What I mean by that is try not to get too emotionally involved so not to repeat the same bad relationship you just got out of!

Take this example: “Debbie” just got divorced. Her husband always expressed anger by yelling. This made her feel out of control. Debbie now swears that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Debbie meets and marries Joe.

Now Joe… never gets angry.

Problem solved – right?

No.

Joe gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry, he becomes silent. Debbie finds that this silence treatment, brings about the same anxiety/stress that her first husband’s yelling did. .

Has she made a bad choice with Joe?

No, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control when Joe gives her the silent treatment instead of yelling. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings all over again. If she blames Joe for her unhappiness, instead of discovering herself, she is destined to divorce again.

To fully rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your ex for everything you wish he/she could have done.

Make the decision to move on and leave the past behind, no matter what it is or how “wronged” you felt you were.

That is the final step in healing and emerging from a divorce or breakup.

Here is a great quote from Sara Paddison:

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes.

Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you.

Love them and release them.

Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

–Sara Paddison

And when you reach this important level of healing you can truly be open again to be with someone else.

 

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at gail@7inheavensingles.com

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Recently a close friend called to tell me that she’s breaking up with her fiancé, who she has been with for six years.

They got engaged just last year and were even planning to buy a new house together.

Of course, it came as a huge shock, as I had always thought everything was running so perfectly for her (or, at least, that’s how it seemed on her social media).

I remember she met her now ex boyfriend/fiancé during freshmen year of college. He was her “first love,” as she had never had a boyfriend before him. All her friends, including myself, were really happy for her.

The two of them stuck together for the whole four years of college, and even went on a graduation trip to Europe together afterward.

Then, she moved to another state for work and they began a long-distance relationship. That arrangement lasted for just over one year before they got back to living in the same city again. And before long, he proposed, she said yes and they got engaged.

Everything was “going according to plan,” like most fairytales we know that center around the idea of first loves and happily ever afters.

But then, like a cruel twist of fate, things began to change. My friend suddenly fell out of love with the person she would marry.

“How do you know if you are still in love with someone, or if you’re staying because of the familiarity?” she asked me over the phone.

At the time, I was pretty taken aback by her frankness. “Give me a moment to think about it. I want to give a clear answer to you,” I replied. And, after a minute or two of awkward silence on the phone, this is how I broke it down for her:

There’s a difference between wanting somebody/something and needing something/someone.

Here’s an analogy: You want a Prada bag, but you don’t exactly need one. Of course, your desire for that particular thing you want can be weak or strong, depending on several things.

You may want something really badly, with every ounce of strength that you possess,
or you may only want it half-heartedly. On the other hand, you need oxygen; there is no real desire for it, but you have to have it, nonetheless, for survival.

Of course, there are circumstances in which a need may become a want. For instance, when you’re drowning, the need for oxygen gets so strong that the need becomes want.

In those few seconds, you want oxygen like you want your life — literally. Often, we only truly appreciate the value and necessity of some things only when we lose them, don’t we?

Want and need can be really different, but at times, pretty similar. So, what is love? Here’s the answer to the million-dollar question: Love is when you want what you need and need what you want.

Now, let me spell it out for you further.

I believe most love relationships start out with a state of wanting. When you fall in love, you want the other person very, very much.

And then slowly, over time, as you love, you also become more and more accustomed to that person, so much so that you might even feel as though you can’t live without him or her. This is when want becomes need. When you want and need something simultaneously, you can call it love.

When you truly love someone, you know that you want him or her. You can feel that craving in the depth of your soul and in every nerve and every fiber of your physical being. It may feel almost like an addiction or an unyielding obsession.

You know that there is lust, but there is also something more. It’s something that truly satisfies, yet leaves you wanting more. Indeed, love can leave you in a vulnerable state. Perhaps this is where “want” transcends into “need.”

It’s when you have become so dependent on the other person for your emotional and physical demands that you can’t live properly if he or she disappeared from your life completely.

With this person, you can feel a sense of familiarity and assurance that comes with his or her acceptance of you. You feel safe with him or her.

In a way, love can become a comfort zone, a refuge you can run to. Though, in another way, it can also be a dangerous place where you might get yourself or the other party really hurt.

After a breakup, it’s unavoidable that you will feel slightly needy because now that you’re out of your comfort zone, you just want to feel safe again.

My friend did admit to me that in her head, she didn’t want her ex as a boyfriend or lover anymore, yet in her heart, she still had feelings for him, and thus she felt deeply perplexed.

“This is not love that you’re feeling,” I tried to explain, “It’s nostalgia. Even if you were to get back together after he comes begging at your feet, you might be satisfied for a while, but you won’t stay satisfied for long.

Because, in the end, he is still not what you want. He was, but that’s the past. You loved him, but now, you don’t. Now you feel like you need him only because he’s part of what that feels familiar.

Undeniably, he’s the safer choice, compared to being single again after such a long time. But, I can assure you that if you settle for this half-assed love, you are risking nothing but your future happiness.”

My friend knew that I was right, and I knew I was right, too. Yet, I was also fully aware that it might be slightly hypocritical of me to set such high bars for her. At the end of the day, it’s not me who will suffer the consequences of my advice — she will.

Still, I wouldn’t have given her advice that I would not personally follow. No one said going through breakups is easy, let alone leaving the person you thought you would marry. Yet, it’s definitely better than running away on the wedding day, right?

The truth is, love is never completely black and white. In fact, I think 80 percent of it is grey matter. Love can fade just as quickly as it can surge and fill your entire being with its magical feelings of happiness and bliss.

Lust is part of love, but love cannot be defined solely by the feeling of wanting someone. Desires can be ephemeral, just like feelings are mercurial.

And, when you need someone but do not have that insatiable want for him or her, it could be nostalgia or just lazy dependency.

Don’t settle for less. Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone in search of a person who could be better for you either. Like they say, you accept the love you think you deserve.

Take some time and think about it. Some things are better late than never, and love is certainly one of them.

Source – Elitedaily.com
Author – Keay Nigel

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Are You Secretly Judgmental Of Others?

Do you notice that you often secretly judge others?

For example, your sister tells you about a new car she bought and you think, She can’t possibly afford that car on her salary. She’s so irresponsible about money.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

Or your partner leaves his dirty dishes in the sink before heading out to meet his friends and you think, He’s so lazy and sloppy. It drives me bananas.

Throughout the day, every day, you find yourself silently criticizing others.

My co-worker at work has gotten scatter-brained… my neighbor is too nosy… my friend is too self-absorbed with posting selfies on social media…

What does this all mean?

Are you surrounded by people who don’t have their act together?

Is society just falling apart?

Or is this a clue about something way deeper and way more fundamental about YOU?

How Your Relationship With Others Brings Up The Next Biggest Thing You Need To Learn About Yourself

When we judge others or feel our “buttons being pushed” by the things they say and do, we may actually be projecting our feelings onto others.

We are accusing others of the very things we disown or reject about ourselves.

Here’s how it works…

Let’s say you have a fear of rejection that stems from something far back in childhood.

More than likely, you’re unaware of this fear. You haven’t yet acknowledged it. Or you know about it, but reject that it’s an issue.

Your subconscious mind is aware of it, though. And that part of your mind will always seek opportunities to work out this old issue. It will lead you into situations where you can bring that fear into your awareness.

In other words, you will enter into relationships with people who will “trigger” that fear or unacknowledged emotion inside you.

You will attract a relationship where your partner will withdraw, act cold, make plans with his or her friends instead of with you, have a hobby they love that doesn’t (or can’t) involve you, etc.

Instead of causing you to face and accept your fear, their behavior will cause you to be secretly judgmental or critical.

You don’t think, Hmm, I’m feeling afraid that he’s going to abandon me and I’ll be alone again.

Instead you think, He never spends time with me, he’s off having fun instead of fixing these things around the house, he’s wasting money playing golf all day when he should be saving money and spending the day with me.

Another example – let’s say that you consider yourself a neat, tidy and financially conservative person. You keep your home and car clean and you never spend more than you make.

But deep down, you’re really someone who wishes they could forgo responsibility for a while, kick up their feet, and be self-indulgent for a change.

However, you don’t want to admit that to yourself. It’s just not something you accept about yourself, for whatever reason. Maybe in childhood you were rejected for being that way.

Your creative mind will actually draw you into situations where you are around people who seem sloppy, irresponsible and flaky.

And instead of admitting that you’re a little bit like them, you will find yourself secretly complaining about them.

What Do You Need To Accept About Yourself In Order To Love Yourself?

When you don’t, or can’t, acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it’s a sign that deep down, you don’t love yourself.

And if you don’t love yourself, you’ll never feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.

You’ll always find something to complain about, and the people in your life will always seem to be less than perfect, because YOU think you’re less than perfect.

Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and your feelings, you’ll never be able to be fully loved by anyone else, either.

How This One Breakthrough Can Change Your Whole Life

There was a time in my life many years ago when I so badly wanted love and acceptance, but all I did was criticize my (ex) wife and accuse her of being nit-picky and too sensitive.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

I had several other unhappy relationships in my 20s and 30s before I met Katie. I thought women were too critical and too obsessed with talking about feelings. I didn’t fully believe them when they said they loved me or wanted me to be happy.

The truth was, I was out of touch with my own feelings. I wasn’t “sensitive” enough to what my mind and heart wanted and needed. Therefore, I projected those unacknowledged aspects of myself onto others.

I was secretly judgmental.

It wasn’t until I had a major breakthrough in my life where I finally learned how to love myself that all that changed.

I met and fell in love, lost 100 pounds, and exploded my career.

Learning to love yourself in a relationship is seeing that you will create the very situations you need that allow you to experience the parts of yourself you cannot love.

When you do that, you stop seeing the “wrong” in others. You stop being triggered all the time, and you become a less judgmental person.

When you love all of yourself, as if by magic, you will find yourself being completely loved by others.

Peace and Joy this Holiday Season to all

Warmly,

Gail Adams  7 in Heaven Singles Events

www.7inHeaven.com

*Article was originally written by Kate and Gay CLICK HERE to view

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OK so its Valentines Day

For those of us that are single, this little holiday can be a rather challenging day to get through with the constant in your face reminders of our unattached status and not having someone to spend the day in romantic bliss.

Personally I think Valentine ’s day may have started with good intentions as a day to celebrate love, but nowadays it has become another day to guilt people into shopping compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love.

Being single shouldn’t be a reason to feel blue however, and neither should Valentine’s Day. Instead of letting this mostly commercially-fueled holiday drag you down, why not celebrate being single?

VALENTINES DAYInstead of focusing on what you “don’t have” concentrate on what you DO have, celebrate love!

For example maybe you are blessed with a loving family,  a sister/ brother you are close to. Your children who love you or fun faithful friends! Spend time with the family and friends in your life that love you at maybe a coffee shop, book store, anywhere but the restaurants packed with both happy and unhappy couples going through the motions!

Remember, when you are single, it doesn’t mean you need to feel ashamed. Whether you are, or are not, in a relationship doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person.

We are more than just our relationship status. Don’t forget that.

While you are single you will find it perfect time to take inventory on your actions, thoughts and behaviors that may have made it difficult to have a healthy relationship. No one is perfect and we all have a part in what didn’t work. Learn from it. Take steps to change it. Clear the slate and be ready to be a better partner, IF that’s what you want. – Read more on the Top 10 Reasons Being Singles is not so bad…..

AND if you don’t want to be single, this can actually be an exciting time for you of discovery.  Are you ready to start dating again? Do you know how to start a conversation with a stranger? Do you spend time in places conducive to meeting new single people?

Check out our  DATING WORKSHOP  a  great event to get started with your new journey!  

Coming up on THURSDAY 2/14/19 don’t miss our VALENTINE Wine Lovers Mixer just for Singles ! Visit to Wine u Design in Hicksville where you can make your wine…  Check out all Details HERE

Also …our Social Networking Brunch  a great way  to make new single friends (held every 1st Sunday of the month)

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

631 592 9804
Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

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Will this be your year to find LOVE?

Image

I love New Years Eve, its a time for renewal, clean slate, new beginnings.

But being single, there is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, many singles dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve, so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do on New Years, or with whom on New Years Eve, was not a problem when I was younger, married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about how I was going to scooping out the room, and try to engage a conversation with someone cute within the last five seconds left. Just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety?

All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

 

Join us for our FREE Expo “THE NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR! “

over 30 Vendors –  Beauty, Health, Organizers, Dating and more !

Get solid advice from 12 top experts for making this year BETTER!

1/11/15 – NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR Details

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~

Life Coach ~ Speaks on “Boost your self esteem”

Nutritionist ~ on “eat thinner/ healthier”

and more … a total of 12 experts!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

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First Dates: Who Should Pay…and Why?

This topic always stirs up great conversation (and surprising controversy!).

Relationship expert Dave Elliott believes it is the men who should take care of the check, and below are his reasons why.

Written by Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

Recently, the advertising agency, Leo Burnett, conducted an exhaustive study on the state of relationships today and one of the items caught my eye. According to the study, only 68 percent of men treat on the first date. Now, before I explain exactly why this is a problem—and how we can shift that dynamic for the benefit of both parties—I want to examine the big picture on this issue and hopefully contribute to a useful dialogue on the topic.coupleattable

How Did We Get Here?

If 32 percent of men are letting women pick up the tab, I suspect there are several contributing factors beyond just players and lonely women. For some, it’s an economic issue—especially for men rebuilding financially after a divorce. For many women, they find it more comfortable to reach for a check than to have an awkward conversation. Plus, in some respects, people are still finding their way in a world where the women’s movement has come a very long way in a relatively short time and many women actually out-earn the men who would seek to date them. In any event, it’s factors like these and many more that add up to a lot of confusion and this gray area.

Let’s Clear Up Some Confusion

As a relationship coach who works with clients all over the world, I’m frequently asked about who should pay on a date. However, regardless of the country, the language spoken, or the customs, my answer is universal. This is because it’s not based on the laws of finance, geography or culture. It’s based on the Universal Laws of Polarity and they’re always at work whether you know them, like them, or even agree with them. So with that in mind, I’d love to definitively answer the question once and for all—and as promised, I want to help set up both women and men so they can actually win.

A Man Only Has Two Gifts mangettingGift

When it comes down to understanding the Laws of Polarity, masculine energy only has two gifts to offer the feminine. Simply put, it’s his job to protect and provide. In order for feminine energy to relax into a relationship and let her guard down, she absolutely must feel “safe” and if she doesn’t, it’s game over.

In order to feel safe, she probably has to be in the company of a man who is confident, relaxed and grounded. He has to not only take care of himself, but also take care of her. This means she has to feel protected and safe in his company—both from outside forces—and from him. She also needs to feel like he can provide for her needs and look after her. Obviously, the easiest and most symbolic way to demonstrate that is by providing the meal you are sharing.

So, what is the woman’s responsibility here?

If a man’s responsibility is to protect and provide, the gift of the woman is her ability to nurture and have her man’s back. Simply put, a man is looking for a woman who will gratefully receive his gifts and appreciate his generosity. The fact is, a man can be with anyone else at any given time and when he invests his time, talent and treasure with a woman, he simply wants it to be acknowledged. Those who seem less than grateful or have an attitude of entitlement should realize how distasteful that is and not be surprised when a good man finds it to be a deal-breaker.

Here’s How You Both Benefit

By understanding the underlying energetic laws that are in play whenever two people meet for a likeattractslikedate, you must understand that polarity is everything. Ideally, that means the man is in his masculine energy as the pursuer or hunter while the feminine is pursued and feels desired. People decide within minutes of meeting if there are “sparks” of attraction and you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

If a man is uncertain or lacks confidence and a woman is pursuing him or picking up the tab, the best you can hope for is reverse polarity—and over time, when you’re living in anything other than your core essence, eventually it adds up to pain and disconnection.

Okay, as promised…how do you get a man to pick up the tab?

As I’ve explained, it really serves both men and women to start out a prospective romance by putting their best foot forward. So with that in mind, here’s how you can handle it the next time you have that awkward moment when the check is sitting on the table and no one is grabbing for it…yet. Ladies, I want you to simply say something to the effect of this:

“Hey, listen…about the bill. I’m happy to split that with you or even pick up the tab myself, but I read this article once (the one you’re reading right now, by the way) where it said that men actually take a great deal of pride in protecting and providing for a woman. It also said that it’s demeaning and disrespectful to a man to not give him that opportunity or accept his gift gratefully…so how would you like to handle that? I would never disrespect you…”

In most cases, it will be his idea to do that for you and you will have educated him gently in case no one has ever shared with him why a man should be a provider. However, if Romeo still doesn’t take the hint or at least have an authentic and vulnerable conversation on why he can’t, you’ve probably still found out everything you need to know about him on the first date.

And guys, if my suggestion is a problem for you, just make it a “policy” to make all your first dates a quick coffee or tea to see if there’s chemistry. You don’t need to provide a $100 dinner to decide if you want to continue getting to know someone when a $3 coffee will do the job.

Good luck to both of you!

Article from Web site . http://www.yourtango.com/

Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

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