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So I got this note from a single woman which I found interesting … here is her dilemma followed by my response…

 

Hi Gail,

I’m not sure if you address this new group of singles, but I know there are a lot of us out here.

The older women who are raising children- whether they be adopted at a late age or given birth to at a late age or many are raising and have custody of their grandchildren.

We never get to go out and babysitter fees are high and we don’t fit into the activities of younger parents meeting each other and bringing their children to events.

I’m thinking maybe no men want to meet us lol… seriously maybe there really isn’t a place for us in meeting someone. We are doomed to be lonely. 🙂 Maybe that one man in a million who never had children and would like to raise one later in life? Not very probable.

Well I just wanted to bring us to your attention that we would love to join things somehow – there are quite a few of us silently out here- but as I said maybe there are no men interested.
Have a great day

Suzie 

 


Hi Suzie,

New group of singles ? I didn’t realize we were categorizing singles … ?

All singles looking for love… of ALL AGES… have their crosses to bear…

*Women in their mid to late 30’s that want to have children who have not yet found “the one” and are afraid of missing the boat on that one…

*Singles that are handicapped physically or mentally but are high functioning or someone battling (or recovered from) cancer and can not find someone to accept them for who they are inside.

*Folks my age (62) that are dealing with aging parents (like raising kids again but worse) that need their care and don’t have enough time to socialize

*Middle aged single parents that still have their adult children living with them (this many singles find a turn off)

*All the “separated” but living with their spouses in the basement … that are doing that until the kids get to be 21 or 18 … who wants to date someone yet they are still living (technically) with their married partner! But they will insist they must live this way for financial reasons and for the “sake of the kids”

*And of course your situation that you described – Middle aged or older singles living with and  raising or taking care of  younger children for whatever the reason

Yet… I know of singles in everyone one of these above situations that DID find love. Will all of them find love? No perhaps not, but does that mean we go around with the belief that it will never happen ?  I think not!

You can choose to be lonely or not. It is a choice.

The time in my life when I was the most lonely, was when I was married ! Living in a very loveless marriage and trapped with young children. Not having the freedom that comes with being single – to arrange my life the way I wanted without having to ask permission.

You don’t have to go out every weekend or weekday to meet someone. But despite your situation, you must find a way to carve out some time for yourself to enjoy a different side of life… meeting new singles.

Hey.. check out my situation… here I was a successful entrepreneur hosting singles events and I could not find someone that would accept this as OK to date! Men would say .. you do WHAT for a living? and you’re not available to date on the weekends because you are working… I would be like .. Dude.. it’s not like I am dancing on tables here.. I am hosting events for singles which I find rewarding, does it mean I will cheat on you? NO that’s not my style and HEY .. what’s wrong with dating on a THURS or WED ? or SUN night ?

I wasn’t about to give up my new found business just to make someone else happy. This went on for 7 long years! And at age 58 I finally met someone that accepted me and my world as OK .. no problem here!

Love is worth waiting for, and does not come easily… even though we live in a very disposable world. But that does not mean no one finds love? I have proof people do find each other, despite their situations (SEE TESTIMONIALS HERE) 

If you have a strong desire to meet someone then do something about it. You can make this choice. Figure out how … FIRST you must make time to socialize

Pursue all and any avenues – Happy hours, backyard BBQ with new singles girlfriends families, take a class, GO to single events, try online dating.
Create opportunities. Be positive.

And most of all be patient and enjoy your time now. It will happen for you .

Warm Regards,

From Gail Adams
www.7inheavensingles.com
Landline- 631 592 9804

#SpeedDating #Singles #Advice #FindLove #dating #longIsland

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I received a call the other day from someone who was thinking of registering for a SPEED DATING event of ours. The woman went on to explain her boyfriend of 6yrs just “left her” and to use her words… was devastated and lost, as she stated she really loved him. She claims she doesn’t even know exactly WHY the breakup happened and doesn’t think she will ever meet anyone again. She can’t seem to get the whole thing out of her mind; so because her friends insisted she should get out, she was calling me to go to the SPEED DATING event.

I told her: 

OF COURSE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN!

But are you sure you are ready to do an event like Speed Dating yet? 

If you can’t get this off your mind, you may talk about it a bit too much, and if you did, it would not be to your advantage to tell every man you meet at the event what you just told me! How much you loved this man and how brokenhearted you are. Not attractive…

I agree with your friends you need to get out of the house and do something, but I encourage you to be honest with everyone you meet and explain you are joining us tonight to simply make some new friends at this point and leave it at that.

The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal after a breakup or separation.

DON’T isolate yourself, get out and socialize, but don’t look for an immediate replacement!

Instead try just going out just for the fun of … going out!

This is why I host all kinds of events for every stage of this process.

Some are not actually ready at this time to step out and go on a real “DATE”.  So for those I suggest a Speed Dating event, which is really a great way to “practice” dating again for those that have not dated in quite some time. Or for some, a simple mixer such as a single mingle or activity (Bowling, Mini Golf etc.) event is a great way to ‘get your feet wet’.

Or for our newbie’s to dating… try our Social Networking Brunch (CLICK HERE for the NEXT Suffolk or Nassau event ) simply to just make some new single friends! For some  all they may need at this point, is to get back out there and simply make some new single friends, whom you have more in common with.

Or even better… attend one of our Dating Discussion Workshops held once a month with a different topic each month CLICK HERE for our next event!

The first 6 months to a year after a death of a spouse, divorce, or breakup of a long term relationship, are hard enough; so don’t make it worse by sitting home alone and sulking. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if you have to. Get out there and spend time around caring newly single people like yourself now more than ever.

But date slowly during this process.

What I mean by that is try not to get too emotionally involved so not to repeat the same bad relationship you just got out of!

Take this example: “Debbie” just got divorced. Her husband always expressed anger by yelling. This made her feel out of control. Debbie now swears that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Debbie meets and marries Joe.

Now Joe… never gets angry.

Problem solved – right?

No.

Joe gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry, he becomes silent. Debbie finds that this silence treatment, brings about the same anxiety/stress that her first husband’s yelling did. .

Has she made a bad choice with Joe?

No, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control when Joe gives her the silent treatment instead of yelling. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings all over again. If she blames Joe for her unhappiness, instead of discovering herself, she is destined to divorce again.

To fully rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your ex for everything you wish he/she could have done.

Make the decision to move on and leave the past behind, no matter what it is or how “wronged” you felt you were.

That is the final step in healing and emerging from a divorce or breakup.

Here is a great quote from Sara Paddison:

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes.

Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you.

Love them and release them.

Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

–Sara Paddison

And when you reach this important level of healing you can truly be open again to be with someone else.

 

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at gail@7inheavensingles.com

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Recently a close friend called to tell me that she’s breaking up with her fiancé, who she has been with for six years.

They got engaged just last year and were even planning to buy a new house together.

Of course, it came as a huge shock, as I had always thought everything was running so perfectly for her (or, at least, that’s how it seemed on her social media).

I remember she met her now ex boyfriend/fiancé during freshmen year of college. He was her “first love,” as she had never had a boyfriend before him. All her friends, including myself, were really happy for her.

The two of them stuck together for the whole four years of college, and even went on a graduation trip to Europe together afterward.

Then, she moved to another state for work and they began a long-distance relationship. That arrangement lasted for just over one year before they got back to living in the same city again. And before long, he proposed, she said yes and they got engaged.

Everything was “going according to plan,” like most fairytales we know that center around the idea of first loves and happily ever afters.

But then, like a cruel twist of fate, things began to change. My friend suddenly fell out of love with the person she would marry.

“How do you know if you are still in love with someone, or if you’re staying because of the familiarity?” she asked me over the phone.

At the time, I was pretty taken aback by her frankness. “Give me a moment to think about it. I want to give a clear answer to you,” I replied. And, after a minute or two of awkward silence on the phone, this is how I broke it down for her:

There’s a difference between wanting somebody/something and needing something/someone.

Here’s an analogy: You want a Prada bag, but you don’t exactly need one. Of course, your desire for that particular thing you want can be weak or strong, depending on several things.

You may want something really badly, with every ounce of strength that you possess,
or you may only want it half-heartedly. On the other hand, you need oxygen; there is no real desire for it, but you have to have it, nonetheless, for survival.

Of course, there are circumstances in which a need may become a want. For instance, when you’re drowning, the need for oxygen gets so strong that the need becomes want.

In those few seconds, you want oxygen like you want your life — literally. Often, we only truly appreciate the value and necessity of some things only when we lose them, don’t we?

Want and need can be really different, but at times, pretty similar. So, what is love? Here’s the answer to the million-dollar question: Love is when you want what you need and need what you want.

Now, let me spell it out for you further.

I believe most love relationships start out with a state of wanting. When you fall in love, you want the other person very, very much.

And then slowly, over time, as you love, you also become more and more accustomed to that person, so much so that you might even feel as though you can’t live without him or her. This is when want becomes need. When you want and need something simultaneously, you can call it love.

When you truly love someone, you know that you want him or her. You can feel that craving in the depth of your soul and in every nerve and every fiber of your physical being. It may feel almost like an addiction or an unyielding obsession.

You know that there is lust, but there is also something more. It’s something that truly satisfies, yet leaves you wanting more. Indeed, love can leave you in a vulnerable state. Perhaps this is where “want” transcends into “need.”

It’s when you have become so dependent on the other person for your emotional and physical demands that you can’t live properly if he or she disappeared from your life completely.

With this person, you can feel a sense of familiarity and assurance that comes with his or her acceptance of you. You feel safe with him or her.

In a way, love can become a comfort zone, a refuge you can run to. Though, in another way, it can also be a dangerous place where you might get yourself or the other party really hurt.

After a breakup, it’s unavoidable that you will feel slightly needy because now that you’re out of your comfort zone, you just want to feel safe again.

My friend did admit to me that in her head, she didn’t want her ex as a boyfriend or lover anymore, yet in her heart, she still had feelings for him, and thus she felt deeply perplexed.

“This is not love that you’re feeling,” I tried to explain, “It’s nostalgia. Even if you were to get back together after he comes begging at your feet, you might be satisfied for a while, but you won’t stay satisfied for long.

Because, in the end, he is still not what you want. He was, but that’s the past. You loved him, but now, you don’t. Now you feel like you need him only because he’s part of what that feels familiar.

Undeniably, he’s the safer choice, compared to being single again after such a long time. But, I can assure you that if you settle for this half-assed love, you are risking nothing but your future happiness.”

My friend knew that I was right, and I knew I was right, too. Yet, I was also fully aware that it might be slightly hypocritical of me to set such high bars for her. At the end of the day, it’s not me who will suffer the consequences of my advice — she will.

Still, I wouldn’t have given her advice that I would not personally follow. No one said going through breakups is easy, let alone leaving the person you thought you would marry. Yet, it’s definitely better than running away on the wedding day, right?

The truth is, love is never completely black and white. In fact, I think 80 percent of it is grey matter. Love can fade just as quickly as it can surge and fill your entire being with its magical feelings of happiness and bliss.

Lust is part of love, but love cannot be defined solely by the feeling of wanting someone. Desires can be ephemeral, just like feelings are mercurial.

And, when you need someone but do not have that insatiable want for him or her, it could be nostalgia or just lazy dependency.

Don’t settle for less. Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone in search of a person who could be better for you either. Like they say, you accept the love you think you deserve.

Take some time and think about it. Some things are better late than never, and love is certainly one of them.

Source – Elitedaily.com
Author – Keay Nigel

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Are You Secretly Judgmental Of Others?

Do you notice that you often secretly judge others?

For example, your sister tells you about a new car she bought and you think, She can’t possibly afford that car on her salary. She’s so irresponsible about money.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

Or your partner leaves his dirty dishes in the sink before heading out to meet his friends and you think, He’s so lazy and sloppy. It drives me bananas.

Throughout the day, every day, you find yourself silently criticizing others.

My co-worker at work has gotten scatter-brained… my neighbor is too nosy… my friend is too self-absorbed with posting selfies on social media…

What does this all mean?

Are you surrounded by people who don’t have their act together?

Is society just falling apart?

Or is this a clue about something way deeper and way more fundamental about YOU?

How Your Relationship With Others Brings Up The Next Biggest Thing You Need To Learn About Yourself

When we judge others or feel our “buttons being pushed” by the things they say and do, we may actually be projecting our feelings onto others.

We are accusing others of the very things we disown or reject about ourselves.

Here’s how it works…

Let’s say you have a fear of rejection that stems from something far back in childhood.

More than likely, you’re unaware of this fear. You haven’t yet acknowledged it. Or you know about it, but reject that it’s an issue.

Your subconscious mind is aware of it, though. And that part of your mind will always seek opportunities to work out this old issue. It will lead you into situations where you can bring that fear into your awareness.

In other words, you will enter into relationships with people who will “trigger” that fear or unacknowledged emotion inside you.

You will attract a relationship where your partner will withdraw, act cold, make plans with his or her friends instead of with you, have a hobby they love that doesn’t (or can’t) involve you, etc.

Instead of causing you to face and accept your fear, their behavior will cause you to be secretly judgmental or critical.

You don’t think, Hmm, I’m feeling afraid that he’s going to abandon me and I’ll be alone again.

Instead you think, He never spends time with me, he’s off having fun instead of fixing these things around the house, he’s wasting money playing golf all day when he should be saving money and spending the day with me.

Another example – let’s say that you consider yourself a neat, tidy and financially conservative person. You keep your home and car clean and you never spend more than you make.

But deep down, you’re really someone who wishes they could forgo responsibility for a while, kick up their feet, and be self-indulgent for a change.

However, you don’t want to admit that to yourself. It’s just not something you accept about yourself, for whatever reason. Maybe in childhood you were rejected for being that way.

Your creative mind will actually draw you into situations where you are around people who seem sloppy, irresponsible and flaky.

And instead of admitting that you’re a little bit like them, you will find yourself secretly complaining about them.

What Do You Need To Accept About Yourself In Order To Love Yourself?

When you don’t, or can’t, acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it’s a sign that deep down, you don’t love yourself.

And if you don’t love yourself, you’ll never feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.

You’ll always find something to complain about, and the people in your life will always seem to be less than perfect, because YOU think you’re less than perfect.

Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and your feelings, you’ll never be able to be fully loved by anyone else, either.

How This One Breakthrough Can Change Your Whole Life

There was a time in my life many years ago when I so badly wanted love and acceptance, but all I did was criticize my (ex) wife and accuse her of being nit-picky and too sensitive.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

I had several other unhappy relationships in my 20s and 30s before I met Katie. I thought women were too critical and too obsessed with talking about feelings. I didn’t fully believe them when they said they loved me or wanted me to be happy.

The truth was, I was out of touch with my own feelings. I wasn’t “sensitive” enough to what my mind and heart wanted and needed. Therefore, I projected those unacknowledged aspects of myself onto others.

I was secretly judgmental.

It wasn’t until I had a major breakthrough in my life where I finally learned how to love myself that all that changed.

I met and fell in love, lost 100 pounds, and exploded my career.

Learning to love yourself in a relationship is seeing that you will create the very situations you need that allow you to experience the parts of yourself you cannot love.

When you do that, you stop seeing the “wrong” in others. You stop being triggered all the time, and you become a less judgmental person.

When you love all of yourself, as if by magic, you will find yourself being completely loved by others.

Peace and Joy this Holiday Season to all

Warmly,

Gail Adams  7 in Heaven Singles Events

www.7inHeaven.com

*Article was originally written by Kate and Gay CLICK HERE to view

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OK so its Valentines Day

For those of us that are single, this little holiday can be a rather challenging day to get through with the constant in your face reminders of our unattached status and not having someone to spend the day in romantic bliss.

Personally I think Valentine ’s day may have started with good intentions as a day to celebrate love, but nowadays it has become another day to guilt people into shopping compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love.

Being single shouldn’t be a reason to feel blue however, and neither should Valentine’s Day. Instead of letting this mostly commercially-fueled holiday drag you down, why not celebrate being single?

VALENTINES DAYInstead of focusing on what you “don’t have” concentrate on what you DO have, celebrate love!

For example maybe you are blessed with a loving family,  a sister/ brother you are close to. Your children who love you or fun faithful friends! Spend time with the family and friends in your life that love you at maybe a coffee shop, book store, anywhere but the restaurants packed with both happy and unhappy couples going through the motions!

Remember, when you are single, it doesn’t mean you need to feel ashamed. Whether you are, or are not, in a relationship doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person.

We are more than just our relationship status. Don’t forget that.

While you are single you will find it perfect time to take inventory on your actions, thoughts and behaviors that may have made it difficult to have a healthy relationship. No one is perfect and we all have a part in what didn’t work. Learn from it. Take steps to change it. Clear the slate and be ready to be a better partner, IF that’s what you want. – Read more on the Top 10 Reasons Being Singles is not so bad…..

AND if you don’t want to be single, this can actually be an exciting time for you of discovery.  Are you ready to start dating again? Do you know how to start a conversation with a stranger? Do you spend time in places conducive to meeting new single people?

Check out our  DATING WORKSHOP  a  great event to get started with your new journey!  

Coming up on THURSDAY 2/14/19 don’t miss our VALENTINE Wine Lovers Mixer just for Singles ! Visit to Wine u Design in Hicksville where you can make your wine…  Check out all Details HERE

Also …our Social Networking Brunch  a great way  to make new single friends (held every 1st Sunday of the month)

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

631 592 9804
Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

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Will this be your year to find LOVE?

Image

I love New Years Eve, its a time for renewal, clean slate, new beginnings.

But being single, there is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, many singles dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve, so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do on New Years, or with whom on New Years Eve, was not a problem when I was younger, married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about how I was going to scooping out the room, and try to engage a conversation with someone cute within the last five seconds left. Just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety?

All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

 

Join us for our FREE Expo “THE NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR! “

over 30 Vendors –  Beauty, Health, Organizers, Dating and more !

Get solid advice from 12 top experts for making this year BETTER!

1/11/15 – NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR Details

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~

Life Coach ~ Speaks on “Boost your self esteem”

Nutritionist ~ on “eat thinner/ healthier”

and more … a total of 12 experts!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

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First Dates: Who Should Pay…and Why?

This topic always stirs up great conversation (and surprising controversy!).

Relationship expert Dave Elliott believes it is the men who should take care of the check, and below are his reasons why.

Written by Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

Recently, the advertising agency, Leo Burnett, conducted an exhaustive study on the state of relationships today and one of the items caught my eye. According to the study, only 68 percent of men treat on the first date. Now, before I explain exactly why this is a problem—and how we can shift that dynamic for the benefit of both parties—I want to examine the big picture on this issue and hopefully contribute to a useful dialogue on the topic.coupleattable

How Did We Get Here?

If 32 percent of men are letting women pick up the tab, I suspect there are several contributing factors beyond just players and lonely women. For some, it’s an economic issue—especially for men rebuilding financially after a divorce. For many women, they find it more comfortable to reach for a check than to have an awkward conversation. Plus, in some respects, people are still finding their way in a world where the women’s movement has come a very long way in a relatively short time and many women actually out-earn the men who would seek to date them. In any event, it’s factors like these and many more that add up to a lot of confusion and this gray area.

Let’s Clear Up Some Confusion

As a relationship coach who works with clients all over the world, I’m frequently asked about who should pay on a date. However, regardless of the country, the language spoken, or the customs, my answer is universal. This is because it’s not based on the laws of finance, geography or culture. It’s based on the Universal Laws of Polarity and they’re always at work whether you know them, like them, or even agree with them. So with that in mind, I’d love to definitively answer the question once and for all—and as promised, I want to help set up both women and men so they can actually win.

A Man Only Has Two Gifts mangettingGift

When it comes down to understanding the Laws of Polarity, masculine energy only has two gifts to offer the feminine. Simply put, it’s his job to protect and provide. In order for feminine energy to relax into a relationship and let her guard down, she absolutely must feel “safe” and if she doesn’t, it’s game over.

In order to feel safe, she probably has to be in the company of a man who is confident, relaxed and grounded. He has to not only take care of himself, but also take care of her. This means she has to feel protected and safe in his company—both from outside forces—and from him. She also needs to feel like he can provide for her needs and look after her. Obviously, the easiest and most symbolic way to demonstrate that is by providing the meal you are sharing.

So, what is the woman’s responsibility here?

If a man’s responsibility is to protect and provide, the gift of the woman is her ability to nurture and have her man’s back. Simply put, a man is looking for a woman who will gratefully receive his gifts and appreciate his generosity. The fact is, a man can be with anyone else at any given time and when he invests his time, talent and treasure with a woman, he simply wants it to be acknowledged. Those who seem less than grateful or have an attitude of entitlement should realize how distasteful that is and not be surprised when a good man finds it to be a deal-breaker.

Here’s How You Both Benefit

By understanding the underlying energetic laws that are in play whenever two people meet for a likeattractslikedate, you must understand that polarity is everything. Ideally, that means the man is in his masculine energy as the pursuer or hunter while the feminine is pursued and feels desired. People decide within minutes of meeting if there are “sparks” of attraction and you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

If a man is uncertain or lacks confidence and a woman is pursuing him or picking up the tab, the best you can hope for is reverse polarity—and over time, when you’re living in anything other than your core essence, eventually it adds up to pain and disconnection.

Okay, as promised…how do you get a man to pick up the tab?

As I’ve explained, it really serves both men and women to start out a prospective romance by putting their best foot forward. So with that in mind, here’s how you can handle it the next time you have that awkward moment when the check is sitting on the table and no one is grabbing for it…yet. Ladies, I want you to simply say something to the effect of this:

“Hey, listen…about the bill. I’m happy to split that with you or even pick up the tab myself, but I read this article once (the one you’re reading right now, by the way) where it said that men actually take a great deal of pride in protecting and providing for a woman. It also said that it’s demeaning and disrespectful to a man to not give him that opportunity or accept his gift gratefully…so how would you like to handle that? I would never disrespect you…”

In most cases, it will be his idea to do that for you and you will have educated him gently in case no one has ever shared with him why a man should be a provider. However, if Romeo still doesn’t take the hint or at least have an authentic and vulnerable conversation on why he can’t, you’ve probably still found out everything you need to know about him on the first date.

And guys, if my suggestion is a problem for you, just make it a “policy” to make all your first dates a quick coffee or tea to see if there’s chemistry. You don’t need to provide a $100 dinner to decide if you want to continue getting to know someone when a $3 coffee will do the job.

Good luck to both of you!

Article from Web site . http://www.yourtango.com/

Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

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This information is brought to you by Orna!

Hello singles out there!

I want to share 3 important words that have changed my life forever when it came to finding love. Those words are: WomanSad

Nobody is coming.

 
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WHAT ABOUT YOU?
********************************************

Listen, if you and I were sitting across from each other in a cafe, and we were being totally honest with each other, here’s what I would say to you (because I care enough about you to give you the straight truth with no sugar coating):

“Is it fair to say that you’ve been struggling with relationships for a while now? Sure sometimes it’s been easier than others, but in the end… here you are… still single and waiting for “the one” to show up.”

“You have to take responsibility for what’s in Your Love Imprint™ and change it so that it guides you toward success… automatically. If you don’t change Your Love Imprint™, I guarantee that your unconscious mind is going to keep making you feel attracted to guys that are wrong for you.”

“Nobody is coming to magically fix things. You have to do the same thing you did in your career and take action so you can be successful.”

Ouch… I know. But in our heart of hearts, you know it’s the truth, and I’m the one who cares enough to give it to you straight.

********************************************
DO I TAKE MY OWN ADVICE?
********************************************

Absolutely.

Once I finally stopped trying to figure out what was wrong with all the men out there and started looking at my own love imprint, I was shocked at what I found in there.
couple_happy
I finally realized that NOTHING I did was going to work until my love imprint was straightened out, and that’s when I took action.  

The result? I met my soulmate, got married, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been 🙂

And guess what? It was EASY! It was sooooooooo much easier once my love imprint was actually working to attract a healthy relationship instead of a toxic one.

What about you?

 
Love and Abundance,
Orna

 

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Julio sent to me recently letting me know of this connection that lead to a marriage ! Although I know of hundreds of connections, and marriages made through  7 in Heaven, not everyone takes the time to write to me and let me know how they have met someone fabulous attending my events.

Thank you to all that have done so, as your happiness, is my joy
for allowing me to know this really does work

Please keep those notes coming.

Gail

 

Hi Gail,

I thought it was worthwhile letting you know about a success story from attending one of your events in Oceanside more than 3 years ago. When people ask how we met, we still fondly recall all the details from that night.

Both me and my wife, Heather, were invited as secondary guests through our friends and after a 2.5 year courtship we married last October. Although we only attended one of your events, there was just the right connection and fortunate timing to develop into a life together.

Best wishes to you and a prosperous business.

Julio

 

—————————-

Gail Adams  Owner and Founder 

7 in Heaven Singles Events

 

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804    EMAIL: info@7-in-heaven.com

Cupid shooting arrows for lovePersonal Matchmaking Services

by Gail www.HeavenlyMatch.net

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THE NEW RULES OF ATTRACTION

by NINA MALKIN

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that anyone would be a fool not to follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: if you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, you decide to cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules people choose to follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date strategies for finding someone you’ll click with romantically.

ImageOld rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds.

New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates.

“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s convenient to think you can tell whether you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience by sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason? People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can someone truly relax and maybe build some rapport with another person. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term partnering potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is ensuring that each partner’s values coincide — and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off (or fall head over heels) until you’ve done your due diligence.

Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must-have list.”

New ruleImage: A “must-have list” looks great on paper, but it won’t keep you warm at night.

You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary, etc. — but unless you’re building your partner in a lab, you’re almost certainly missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-packs-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to cigarette smoke and eager to start a family… but settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Wish lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your wish list describing your ideal mate as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.

ImageOld rule: Opposites attract.

New rule: Opposites attract and they attack! 

Dating your diametric opposite might mean feeling the surprise of relating to someone really new and different than your usual type, trading lots of challenging banter, and sharing scintillating chemistry — but sustaining a partnership with this person may ultimately prove to be unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life, that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, coauthor of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the home. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?” We’re not saying that you should end up with someone identical to yourself, but ideally, it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).

Old rule: Your date’s taste in music (or movies, or books) mirrors yours — so you must be soul mates.

ImageNew rule: You want to fall in love with a person, not a playlist.

Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you just know it must be love. After all, each of you has seen Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside and out. But don’t confuse having mirror-image tastes with romantic chemistry. In fact, it’s probably better if your interests don’t match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in pursuits that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. “Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her and our’ time,” notes Dr. Fleming. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart — with you doing dips at ballroom dancing class and your date doing the wave at an NBA game, for example.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience.

New rule: Your first kiss is ultimately inconsequential.

In fairy tales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after — no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons Imagewhy a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (like nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) — and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve just been dumped and are looking for validation, perhaps?). “A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes, like shared values,” points out Dr. Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mindblowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two — either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.

Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about the other person constantly.

ImageNew rule: When it’s true love, thinking about the other person makes you feel good.

Hmm, has Willie Nelson’s cover of “Always on My Mind” become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. “Constantly thinking about another person isn’t love, it’s infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,” says Dr. Fleming. Ultimately, it’s a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. “If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust and a strong ‘friendship’ factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,” says Dr. Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person’s emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn’t really want to be yours.

Article written by : Nina Malkin

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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One of the funniest lines I ever heard about dating was something Chris Rock once said:   “When you date…have you ever notice when you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their “representative”. Then after a about 3 months you meet the REAL Candidate”

 ______________________________________________________

Dear Gail:

I wanted to give you some background on me, and possible you could give me some advice. I have been in the “dating” world for the last 10-years now, and I have not much luck keeping a man in my life for more than a 3-month relationship. Various reasons for this, all BS, but reasons nonetheless — or excuses rather. For example some of the breakup excuses have been:
“You are too good to be with a jerk like me.” (huh?)
“I respect you too much to be dating you casually.” (Did I say I wanted a serious relationship!??)
“You are the type I would take home to my mom, and right now I just want to get laid.” (dude, I never said I wanted to meet your mom!)
“How can you want to date me knowing it’s not going to last? What is the point?” (Urrr…nothing lasts forever, and whatever happened to enjoying the present?)
“I am scared of commitment.” (I don’t want to marry you!)
“It’s not you, it’s me.” (One of my all time favorites)

I’ve had the  “I’m really still in love with my ex” thing, The mutual break-up “you know …we like each other but not enough to keep dating” this one is one of  the cleanest cut ways out.

However, what might be interesting to note is that all these guys went on to have serious relationships after me. I don’t know what to think of that, and maybe I rather not think about it at all.
Maybe I was too easy to catch.

Maybe I shouldn’t have played those stupid games that everyone plays.

Maybe I gave too much too soon.

Maybe I didn’t give enough.

Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten involved with each other in the first place.

Who knows?

It seems like the minute it’s more painful than fun, you get out.

But, when the pattern repeats itself on numerous occasions, repeats you can’t help but wonder.

Anyway, below are the thought process I have held onto that has help me deal with this 3 month cycle of dating:
– You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to: if someone doesn’t want to be with you there is no convincing him into it.
– It’s all about personal growth: whether in or out of an involvement with someone, as long as you’ve grown in some way (together or apart), it was worth it.
– Nobody dies of a broken heart: you fall, you get up, you dust off, you move on.
– Everything happens for a reason.

Someone once told me that you attract what you are ready for.

Maybe subconsciously this is all I have ever been ready for?

A short- term relationship ready for the moment?

Or, have I been missing something to prevent the long term commitment I am seeking?

Single forever?

“Sam”

________________________________________

 

 

Dear Sam,

To avoid finding yourself in this situation, I am going to tell you loudly to STOP what you are doing and step back s-l-o-w-l-y. Dating goes through stages. If you try to avoid one of the stages, problems may develop in the relationship, which may result in you or your partner ending the relationship. When you recognize what stage of dating the relationship is in, you will understand what is called for or needed in order to move through that stage and onto the next stage.

It requires patience and understanding.

Month One: The Meeting

The purpose of stage one is to determine if there is enough physical attraction, chemistry, commonality and interest to warrant dating. For some people, it may take a couple of meetings to determine if they want to date a particular person. Decision to continue will come as long as both parties find each other interesting and fun to be with, and physically attracted to.

Month Two: Dating

Month two is the romantic stage and during this stage both of you want to spend increasingly amounts of time together. People often describe this stage as feeling physically attracted or infatuated with the other person. Because two people are having fun and really attracted to each other. Sometimes they tend to overlook those cute irritants (I call it Rose Color Glasses) of their partner in order to focus on the strong attraction and the positive feelings. But… without this stage of intense infatuation, a relationship can’t move on to the next stage. So if you and your partner are on two different pages with regard to your feelings for each other, it is best for you to be patient and wait for you partner to catch up. Doing this demonstrates to your partner that you are caring, patient and supportive. Too needy or too distance will drive the person further away.

Month Three: The “RELATIONSHIP”

Month three is where differences between the couple begin coming to the surface and it’s usually means make or BREAK in relationship.  Now the focuses are on how the two of you work through disagreements, differences of opinions and ideas as well as different approaches and issues about sex, communication and commitment. It is also an opportunity to both learn and use problem-solving skills with your partner. Arguing in a relationship is not the problem. The problem arises when couples don’t know or use healthy skills to resolve conflict. Stage three is also an opportunity to build a deeper relationship with your partner as each of you recognizes that you are loved and accepted for being your true self. This is where trust develops in a relationship.

Month Six: Independence and Interdependence

Month six is a when the couple learns how to be a couple and still maintain a level of independence within the relationship. During this period of time the couple begins to incorporate their previous relationships skills and fun interests into the couple relationship. For some people the fear of their partner wanting to socialize without them, triggers feelings of insecurity, or fear of an imminent ending to the relationship. If this is the case, the partner with the insecurity does not address his or her own issues, the result maybe unintended break-up. Of course there could be dozens of other reasons too, that why “dating is about discovery”.

One Year: Healthy Commitment

If you reach the one year stage is where the individuals are willing to make decisions about a long term commitment with one another. By now hopefully the couple has built a foundation on trust, honesty and integrity. For some this may lead to marriage for others this means being in a monogamous relationship.

Since you have trouble moving on past the third month, my suggestion to you is to slow down and allow your boyfriend time to realize his feelings for you are deeper than just friends. This won’t happen by you pointing it out to him. It will happen by him going through the stages at his own pace.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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I received a call the other day from someone who was thinking of registering for a SPEED DATING event of ours. The woman went on to explain her boyfriend of 6yrs just “left her” and to use her words… was devastated and lost, as she stated she really loved him. She claims she doesn’t even know exactly WHY the breakup happened and doesn’t think she will ever meet anyone again. She can’t seem to get the whole thing out of her mind; so because her friends insisted she should get out, she was calling me to go to the SPEED DATING event.

I told her: 

OF COURSE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN!

But are you sure you are ready to do an event like Speed Dating yet? 

If you can’t get this off your mind, you may talk about it a bit too much, and if you did, it would not be to your advantage to tell every man you meet at the event what you just told me! How much you loved this man and how brokenhearted you are. Not attractive…

I agree with your friends you need to get out of the house and do something, but I encourage you to be honest with everyone you meet and explain you are joining us tonight to simply make some new friends at this point and leave it at that.

The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal after a breakup or separation.

DON’T isolate yourself, get out and socialize, but don’t look for an immediate replacement!

Instead try just going out just for the fun of … going out!

This is why I host all kinds of events for every stage of this process.

Some are not actually ready at this time to step out and go on a real “DATE”.  So for those I suggest a Speed Dating event, which is really a great way to “practice” dating again for those that have not dated in quite some time. Or for some, a simple mixer such as a single mingle or activity (Bowling, Mini Golf etc.) event is a great way to ‘get your feet wet’.

Or for our newbie’s to dating try our Brunch Social Brunch (CLICK HERE for the NEXT Suffolk or Nassau event ) simply to just make some new single friends! For some  all they may need at this point, is to get back out there and simply make some new single friends, whom you have more in common with.
The first 6 months to a year after a death of a spouse, divorce, or breakup of a long term relationship, are hard enough; so don’t make it worse by sitting home alone and sulking. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if you have to. Get out there and spend time around caring newly single people like yourself now more than ever.

But date slowly during this process.

What I mean by that is try not to get too emotionally involved so not to repeat the same bad relationship you just got out of!

Take this example: “Debbie” just got divorced. Her husband always expressed anger by yelling. This made her feel out of control. Debbie now swears that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Debbie meets and marries Joe.

Now Joe… never gets angry.

Problem solved – right?

No.

Joe gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry, he becomes silent. Debbie finds that this silence treatment, brings about the same anxiety/stress that her first husband’s yelling did. .

Has she made a bad choice with Joe?

No, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control when Joe gives her the silent treatment instead of yelling. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings all over again. If she blames Joe for her unhappiness, instead of discovering herself, she is destined to divorce again.

To fully rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your ex for everything you wish he/she could have done.

Make the decision to move on and leave the past behind, no matter what it is or how “wronged” you felt you were.

That is the final step in healing and emerging from a divorce or breakup.

Here is a great quote from Sara Paddison:

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes.

Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you.

Love them and release them.

Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

–Sara Paddison

And when you reach this important level of healing you can truly be open again to be with someone else.

 

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at gail@7inheavensingles.com

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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I have had this question posed to me before from singles, when a woman who has slept with a man early on in the dating stages, suddenly discovers a week or two later…

Golly gee... why does this relationship appears to be only about SEX !

How did this happen?

Or better yet, try to turn it into a REAL relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not passing any judgments here. We are all adults making our own decisions, my goal is to simply enlighten you of the consequences of your actions and how things will play out from that point forward. If you decide to go home and sleep with a guy the very first date or time you meet with him, you really have to adjust your expectations accordingly. You have just made the decision to turn this into a casual night of fun, or “hookup” as some would call it, and once you have made this decision there is no turning back.

If you get a second date, well then consider it an unexpected added bonus to the casual fun night again. Don’t ever think, just because you now have slept together, you two are now property of each other. The “hookup” will never guarantee no matter how good the sex was, that he will be calling again. If that’s your ulterior motive then you just set yourself up for a major disappointment.

I know…  your saying it’s not fair!

Well I didn’t make the rules, and I have broken them enough times to know …they still do exist! And when you do break the rules, be prepared for what follows. Even though a man wants to get physical with you right away, and might even tell (or beg you) it won’t change a thing… that same man will be re-evaluating the relationship as soon as the light of day shows up!

They will always wonder in the back of their minds, if you do this with every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet? And you should question the same in your mind about him… is he with every Jane, Sally and Betty?

Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, and we all love instant gratification, the fact is, a man will more likely respect a women, stay with a women, and want to please her, is the woman that leaves him wanting more. When you hold back a little, that’s intriguing and something to look forward to. Become the object of his desire beyond the initial lust you both feel. THAT works both ways for MEN and WOMEN

If you goal is long term, then take my advise, and hold off, get to know him better, wait until you get the feeling you can trust him. Let him earn your trust firs t. You are worth it !

But end the first date at the bar meeting at the BAR, no matter how well it went!

Sorry guys, but I had to tell them. But you will thank me too when you meet the right girl Just think of  all the drama I am saving you from  those crazy stalking women that will follow you, if you go too far too soon, and then you decide you want to back out of the relationship!

Hey it’s true, I once told a guy that was practically begging me to sleep with him on the first date night  “no thanks… one night stands are like having a Chinese food. It will leave you hungry an hour later.”

Go for the full sit down dinner, trust me it will always be much more memorable.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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About 65% of the singles that attend my events are divorced. The other 35% are made up of widows and those singles-never married.  Almost all have been in long lengthily relationships or marriages, and suddenly find themselves single. Becoming suddenly single again after a long time is like taking up residency in a foreign country and not speaking the language very well.  So what are the rules in this country anyway?

Now anyone that knows me, I am not a big fan of a bunch of rules I’m a rebel at heart. But one must know the rules first in order to break them!

Now there are no hard, fast rules when it comes to dating. Although if you read the dating book called  “the RULES” these gals will tell you there are some rules women must never break! I read the book and found 70% to be ridiculous and 30% I had to begrudgingly agree with.

So what information do you need most to get out there and start over?  Well for starters do a good assessment of yourself to see if you dealt with all the emotional baggage and feel truly ready to date. If you have forgiven yourself and your past and moved on; you will probably do fine. (You might want to read- * Adjusting, letting go, forgiving after a breakup)

Here are some basics to keep in mind when you start dating again:

1. Be true to yourself first.
Now that you are newly single, try to bring balance to your life. You may be eager to date but don’t forget to make time for yourself as well as spend time with friends and family. Date if you feel ready but don’t make it your whole life.

2. Form new relationships with other single people.
If you don’t already have single friend, then find some. Go to single events with the mindset that if I don’t meet the woman or man of my dreams, finding a new single friend will be very helpful. For single ladies, I hold a monthly singles ladies brunch just for this reason to make new single friends. Your married friends are great, but they can’t always relate to your single status and can’t join you on single adventures. A single woman can never have enough single girlfriends for support and to pal around with. Check our Calendar of Events for the next single ladies brunch by you.

3. One date does not form a relationship.
It’s important to know that everyone you date will not be interested in a second date. Just because you were interested in a second date doesn’t mean they have to be. Don’t let the fact that you don’t get called to go out again, make you want to give up or cause you to think negatively about yourself. Move on to the next person and be willing to go through a process of elimination, which could take some time. Don’t take going out on dates too seriously, that you project your thoughts way to far into the future.

4. Don’t come on too strong.
If you were in a long term marriage then you are used to being part of a couple. Divorce means lots of changing and growing for an individual. Bad habits, new place to live, new friends may all be a part of your new life as a newly single individual. Don’t let the couple habit cause you to come on too strong and chase someone special away. You are dating, not stalking so be careful not to overwhelm.

5. Don’t forget to respect yourself.
Go slowly when it comes to sharing information about yourself with a date. It will convey a sense of self – respect and create mystery. So, keep the details to a minimum until you know they are worthy of hearing them. Leave the details of your divorce at home. It’s a date, not a therapy session.

6. The world is your test tube.
Approach the dating game with an attitude of openness and experimentation. It is possible that every date you go on, could lead you to Mr./Ms. Right but… keep an open mind and your feet planted firmly on the ground and you will at least learn something new on every date you go on.

7. Try something new.
Don’t box yourself in with the idea that you have a “type” that you are attracted to. Change those old thought process, step outside your head and broaden your horizons. You may find that what you thought would make you gag, actually makes you happy. Read- * Dating with a Champagne taste with a Beer pocket

8. Never underestimate the power of flirting.
Nothing is more fun than flirting and nothing helps you connect to another person quicker than being playful. Be charming and delightful, show some vitality. Keep it light and festive, not deep and serious. Keep your mind in the moment and not on the long term goal of falling in love. Read- * Flirting is the ultimate welcome

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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OK so its Valentines Day

Personally I think Valentine ’s day may have started with good intentions as a day to celebrate love, but nowadays it has become another day to guilt people into shopping compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love.

But for those of us that are single, this can be a rather challenging day to get through without the valentines in your face reminders of our unattached status and not having someone to spend the day in romantic bliss with.

Being single shouldn’t be a reason to feel blue however, and neither should Valentine’s Day. Instead of letting this mostly commercially-fueled holiday drag you down, why not celebrate being single?

VALENTINES DAYInstead of focusing on what you “don’t have” concentrate on what you DO have, celebrate love! For example maybe you are blessed with a loving family,  a sister/ brother you are close to. Your children who love you or fun faithful friends! Spend time with the family and friends in your life that love you at maybe a coffee shop, book store, anywhere but the restaurants packed with both happy and unhappy couples going through the motions!

Remember, when you are single, it doesn’t mean you need to feel ashamed. Whether you are, or are not, in a relationship doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person.

AND if you don’t want to be single, this is a perfect time to reflect on why you are single, and what you can do about it. Are you ready to start dating again? Do you know how to start a conversation with a stranger? Do you spend time in places conducive to meeting new single people?

Come out on Thursday 2/14/13 Valentines Day to our CUPID MINGLE    a fantastic event held inside a mansion in Suffolk County, and it is also a Nature Center the door money ($10 entrance) goes toward the organization A glass of wine and lots of cupcakes and chocolates to sample included

Check out our  DATING WORKSHOP  is a  great places to get started with your new journey!   Next event Wed 2/13 in Huntington @ XO Wine and Chocolate Restaurant The Topic is “FLIRTING 101″

Our Ladies BrunchSunday March 3 (SUFFOLK) and Sunday April 7 (NASSAU)  to make new single friends (held every 1st Sunday of the month)

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

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Hi Gail,

I received my matches and honestly do not understand why the lack of matches (?)   I felt a very  good connection with many of the younger women on at least a person level.  Perhaps it is simply an age thing at this point?  I know I am older now, maybe the issue revolves more around being gray and bald? I take really good care of myself and from my perspective, even subtracting for age, I think I would be fairly appealing on various levels to a younger woman.  In the not too distant past, I tried speed dating before and 12 of 15 women were interested.  Any helpful pointers you could offer I would appreciate.  Thanks

Signed “Mr. 49”

___________________________________________________

Dear Mr. 49,

The group of ladies you met last time when you received all those matches were all in the age range of 42-52 – this group of ladies was much younger.

Let me start by saying I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships.

We older folks may always argue why its best to pick the older mate because “Time creates wisdom”

This is true… but it also creates responsibilities and complications –

Divorce scars, mortgage, kids, career, etc.

All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older.

Hey…let’s face it ladies, it’s a lot easier for an older man with all these responsibilities, to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, good looking wrinkle free 28-year-old girl!

Now… before any 45+ people get all hot and bothered about this, understand I myself have reached my 52nd birthday and I’m not condoning this. I’m simply just OBSERVING that it happens.

And what I also observe, is Men may want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman in her 30’s has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is 10 or more YEARS OLDER?

Not many, I’m thinking.

But I bet you are saying to yourself right now…

Hey you’re wrong… I am the exception the 30something year old WILL want  !

I don’t look or feel my age…and my last girlfriend was 15 years younger.

OK so she left me when I lost my job … but we really did love each other!!!

She understood the advantages in dating a 49 year-old guy. He’s a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already (ok she did complained a little about the visitation things and my X-wife).

My much young x-girlfriend told me she likes older men because we embody wisdom and stability. We can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. We’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twenty-something party boy! She even told me once I remind her of her father… strong, nurturing guy who took care of her and treated her like a princess.

Dear older man … there is nothing wrong with you being attracted to a fertile and youthful woman in her 30’s. Really. I’m not judging you. But you must understand that any woman you desire in that age group has choices. Lots and lots of choices. The guy who’s 45- 55 is not on the top of her list. Yes its true. It’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. She can go out with a cute, successful man who is 35. Or 40. Or 45. Or 50.

And nobody has more choices than a 30-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go online, and wade through a few thousand applicants, go to a few happy hours or attend a few singles events and have a few 1000 options. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45 when can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a 49 almost 50 something year old guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s in her sexual prime.

Are you getting the idea?

This does not mean that you’re not a great looking in shape guy for your age with a ton to give and the purest intentions. Bald is HOT to many woman,  AND you will on occasion meet a few much younger gals are not so age focused.  What you’re failing to recognize is that what most successful quality younger women really want for the long haul… A peer. A partner or maybe a youthful father for her unborn children to help her raise them.

Not a father figure for herself.

Single middle-aged men and women clients will tell me…”I can’t help what I’m attracted to” And hey, I don’t blame them. However, as long as they close their minds to not dating people who are age-appropriate, they’re really going to struggle and fail miserably.

Singles need to be more flexible about the age thing. Youthful extremely attractive people have tons of options and can afford to be choosy. AND as long as they have the perception of choice, they’re going to choose to trade up for someone a little bit cuter, a little bit richer, a little bit closer. It’s not fair, it’s not right, it just is.

I know… we are just human and want what WE want, even if what we want is unrealistic. So much so are we dazzled by looks and youth that we pass up amazing people OUR OWN AGE who are a much better fit for us.

Yes there will be some younger women that will overlook your age. They usually are the type that have a strong lust of money or maybe they need a daddy figure, but most of the 30 somethings I talk to, are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

Okay, older men – write to me and tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

We all have to come to terms with the person in the mirror as we age. We are no longer on the outside are the youthfully looking person we were 15 years or more ago Mr. Peter Pan…
YES I could afford plastic surgery – how about a face lift, breast lifts, Liposuction or more…
If you ever saw the movie “death becomes her” you would know how I really feel about that kind of stuff.! lol
In the movie, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn fought dearly to keep their youth.. and paid dearly for it in the end.

Why not accept someone who likes you for you not your money or social status? Keep your box of options wide open and remember ….

Age is just a number.


All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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This morning I was searching and searching for my mouse pad.
Spent a good 20 minutes or so, checking here…then checking there… huh! 
Where could it have disappeared to? I gave up the search, and opened my laptop.
POP there it was, found it!
On my keyboard hiding.
It kind of reminded me of the cliche while dating “You always find something when you’re not looking.”When someone is frustrated with their love life search, people love to tell you… “You always find someone when you’re not looking.”
The idea is that relationships only come along when you’re so frustrated that you stop looking, like the universe is taking pity on you or something. And the “advice,” is then translated to just stop looking for a relationship.
This cliche is better translated to  “When you lose something, it’s always in the last place you look.”  Because really when you think about nothing is ever really “lost” its just in another place!

But getting back to the original “You always find someone when you’re not looking” I’ll admit it does have some truth to it—as you’re more likely to find a relationship when you’re not spending 12 hours a day on match.com—

but it’s not because you’ve stopped looking.

The people who seem most attractive are those who seem happy, well-adjusted, confident, and, most important—busy. When someone seems like they have a full and exciting life, other people want to be part of it.
Desperate is never pretty.
As one man once said to me… I can smell desperate from a mile away.

When you “stop looking” (which we will translate as “stop looking desperate”), you’re sending these kinds of signals.  Your life seems so cool and interesting that you’re not going to drop everything to look for a boyfriend, and that’s precisely why guys are going to want to be yours.

So the trick isn’t to stop looking; it’s to make it seem as though you’re not looking   But instead to project a persona that seems too awesome to settle for just anyone, and to market your life as something that everyone should want.

This means not skipping the gym for a date with a guy you met casually at Star Bucks the other day

It means not showing up for singles events and have a bored or mad look on your face because prince charming didn’t ride in that night
or making statements like ” I’m giving up! There is no one one out there “ As if this will attract someone to you right away since you have now stopped looking! 
It means building a life that’s totally fun and fulfilling without the partner, but when a partner does comes along, it means making sure he knows you will be a happy person with or without him.

PS of course you can come on out and have fun while you wait for “the one” at our events with
7 in Heaven, so much to do, something for everyone

See you there!

Warm Regards,

Gail Adams

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804



Personal Matchmaking Services
by  
Gailwww.HeavenlyMatch.net

Singles, events today for singles, SPEED DATING, Speed-dating, current events for singles, Where to meet singles, How to meet singles, single women, single guys, singles long island, Single events on long island, single parties, where to meet long island singles, best speed dating on long island, Nassau county events for singles, Suffolk county events for singles, Queens Single Events, Best place to meet singles on long island, Long island events for singles, Activities for singles, Dance parties for singles, sports for singles, Single Dinner parties, Single Gourmet, Personal Matchmaking, Matchmaker, Long Island Matchmaker, Personal Matchmaking Services, Professional Matchmaker, Introduction services, Dating services. Best Dating services, where to find a matchmaker, personal dating services

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I have had this question posed to me before from singles, when a woman who has slept with a man early on in the dating stages, suddenly discovers a week or two later…

Golly gee... why does this relationship appears to be only about SEX !

How did this happen?

Or better yet, try to turn it into a REAL relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not passing any judgments here. We are all adults making our own decisions, my goal is to simply enlighten you of the consequences of your actions and how things will play out from that point forward. If you decide to go home and sleep with a guy the very first date or time you meet with him, you really have to adjust your expectations accordingly. You have just made the decision to turn this into a casual night of fun, or “hookup” as some would call it, and once you have made this decision there is no turning back.

If you get a second date, well then consider it an unexpected added bonus to the casual fun night again. Don’t ever think, just because you now have slept together, you two are now property of each other. The “hookup” will never guarantee no matter how good the sex was, that he will be calling again. If that’s your ulterior motive then you just set yourself up for a major disappointment.

I know…  your saying it’s not fair!

Well I didn’t make the rules, and I have broken them enough times to know …they still do exist! And when you do break the rules, be prepared for what follows. Even though a man wants to get physical with you right away, and might even tell (or beg you) it won’t change a thing… that same man will be re-evaluating the relationship as soon as the light of day shows up!

They will always wonder in the back of their minds, if you do this with every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet? And you should question the same in your mind about him… is he with every Jane, Sally and Betty?

Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, and we all love instant gratification, the fact is, a man will more likely respect a women, stay with a women, and want to please her, is the woman that leaves him wanting more. When you hold back a little, that’s intriguing and something to look forward to. Become the object of his desire beyond the initial lust you both feel. THAT works both ways for MEN and WOMEN

If you goal is long term, then take my advise, and hold off, get to know him better, wait until you get the feeling you can trust him. Let him earn your trust firs t. You are worth it !

But end the first date at the bar meeting at the BAR, no matter how well it went!

Sorry guys, but I had to tell them. But you will thank me too when you meet the right girl Just think of  all the drama I am saving you from  those crazy stalking women that will follow you, if you go too far too soon, and then you decide you want to back out of the relationship!

Hey it’s true, I once told a guy that was practically begging me to sleep with him on the first date night  “no thanks… one night stands are like having a Chinese food. It will leave you hungry an hour later.”

Go for the full sit down dinner, trust me it will always be much more memorable.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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So up to this point, there has not been too much

competition in the personal MATCHMAKING services for Long Island

Well that has all changed now…

Heavenly MATCH  is here on Long Island for Matchmaking  services

How many singles are here on Long Island?

Long Island is made up of a very diverse group of people.  As of the 2010, Long Island had a population of 7,568,304 making it the most populated island in any U.S. state or territory! AND in the entire USA 44.1 percent of all U.S. residents 18 and older were SINGLE! So if we do our math correctly… about 333,000 residents of Long Island SINGLE.

Now you might think its easy to find someone with all these singles living in one spot right? Well think again; one person described it to me this way… Imagine you are at a big mall with thousands of people there at one time, how many of those people do you think you would get to meet personally and how many would you actually want to date?

Why would someone hire a matchmaker?

Personal matchmaking takes the tiresome legwork out of dating by outsourcing ‘the search’ for interesting, like-minded individuals that have YOUR same desires at heart. My prior years of experience and background as a head-hunting / corporate recruiter, makes me a sharp judge of character in a mate making me your Perfect Personal Liaison for LOVE!

And our sister company 7 in Heaven Singles Events is a perfect combination for networking and meeting long island singles.

We currently have over 5000 Long Island Singles as members!

What kind of individuals become exclusive clients of matchmakers?Generally most clients are upscale professionals age 28 to 40+ and looking to settle down and start a life with someone for the first time. Other clients are in their 40′s and 50′s and up, established in life, perhaps already have been married prior, and seeking to fulfill their goals of finding the right life partner for the rest of their lives.

Learn more about this new Matchmaking Service by clicking HERE

Check out our GREAT Articles on Dating Advice, Stories and Support on this blog!

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How many times have I heard someone say…

“I don’t know how I am going to get thru this”

or

“OMG…I hate being single why did things have to turn out this way?”

We forget that “CHANGE” is inevitable and the only thing that is consistent in life.

Everything does come to an end or change.

Jobs change, children grow, neighbors move, and yes… relationships end.

So how do we deal with it? 

Your significant other walks in the room one day and says…

I don’t love you anymore, or its not working out… at first hearing these words trigger emotions that make you feel like someone just put a knife to your gut. The pain is deep, and you may feel like your whole world just ended. The person you were so close to is now becoming someone you USE to know.

But after the tears and the heart wrenching emotions, you slowly start to realize your life is NOT over. And maybe eventually start to realize that letting someone else have that much power over our lives is crazy! Isn’t it our choice to get up each morning and make our day?

The first step in healing and dealing is taking the power back. YOU are in charge of your life, and the master of your destiny. And the only person to trust is your higher source! Once you embrace the fact that you do have control of your destiny doors will open for you.

YES there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Take time to get to know you, this is a new opportunity to relish your spirit and soul – reinvent yourself so that when the NEXT person steps into your life you will have a full tank of love to give back!

Time is your friend. Be patient and wise with it.

GO OUT to meet new single people, try new things!

(CHECK out this month’s calendar of events)

And don’t be afraid to go alone, open your mind and your heart to allow new experiences to happen.  You may think the relationship was the worst thing to happen to you, but if you give yourself enough time and remain open… it could be the BEST THING that ever happen to you!

All things are not always clear when they first happen. Finish the journey then when you look back, you may find yourself saying one day

What was I thinking?

There is a lesson in every relationship so try to figure out and understand what you can learn from this experience. Prepare yourself for the next phase of your life. Try to move on without regrets and hatred – this will only keep you at a standstill.

Let go and be thankful you have time to keep on living and making your dreams a reality.

 

Warm Regards,

 

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

 

in-Heaven SinglesEvents | http://www.7-in-heaven.com/contact.html
7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-www.7-in-heaven.com   631- 592-9804

 Personal Matching by Gailwww.HeavenlyMatch.net

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

 

  Summer events for singles, SPEED DATING, Speed-dating, Where to meet singles, How to meet singles, single women, single guys, singles long island, Single events on long island, single parties, where to meet long island singles, best speed dating on long island, Nassau county events for singles, Suffolk county events for singles, Queens Single Events, Best place to meet singles on long island, Long island events for singles, Activities for singles, Dance parties for singles, sports for singles, Single Dinner parties, Single Gourmet, Personal Matchmaking, Matchmaker, Long Island Matchmaker, Personal Matchmaking Services, Professional Matchmaker, Introduction services, Dating services

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