Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Dating Dilemmas’ Category

couplehands2

So I got this note from a single woman which I found interesting … here is her dilemma followed by my response…

 

Hi Gail,

I’m not sure if you address this new group of singles, but I know there are a lot of us out here.

The older women who are raising children- whether they be adopted at a late age or given birth to at a late age or many are raising and have custody of their grandchildren.

We never get to go out and babysitter fees are high and we don’t fit into the activities of younger parents meeting each other and bringing their children to events.

I’m thinking maybe no men want to meet us lol… seriously maybe there really isn’t a place for us in meeting someone. We are doomed to be lonely. 🙂 Maybe that one man in a million who never had children and would like to raise one later in life? Not very probable.

Well I just wanted to bring us to your attention that we would love to join things somehow – there are quite a few of us silently out here- but as I said maybe there are no men interested.
Have a great day

Suzie 

 


Hi Suzie,

New group of singles ? I didn’t realize we were categorizing singles … ?

All singles looking for love… of ALL AGES… have their crosses to bear…

*Women in their mid to late 30’s that want to have children who have not yet found “the one” and are afraid of missing the boat on that one…

*Singles that are handicapped physically or mentally but are high functioning or someone battling (or recovered from) cancer and can not find someone to accept them for who they are inside.

*Folks my age (62) that are dealing with aging parents (like raising kids again but worse) that need their care and don’t have enough time to socialize

*Middle aged single parents that still have their adult children living with them (this many singles find a turn off)

*All the “separated” but living with their spouses in the basement … that are doing that until the kids get to be 21 or 18 … who wants to date someone yet they are still living (technically) with their married partner! But they will insist they must live this way for financial reasons and for the “sake of the kids”

*And of course your situation that you described – Middle aged or older singles living with and  raising or taking care of  younger children for whatever the reason

Yet… I know of singles in everyone one of these above situations that DID find love. Will all of them find love? No perhaps not, but does that mean we go around with the belief that it will never happen ?  I think not!

You can choose to be lonely or not. It is a choice.

The time in my life when I was the most lonely, was when I was married ! Living in a very loveless marriage and trapped with young children. Not having the freedom that comes with being single – to arrange my life the way I wanted without having to ask permission.

You don’t have to go out every weekend or weekday to meet someone. But despite your situation, you must find a way to carve out some time for yourself to enjoy a different side of life… meeting new singles.

Hey.. check out my situation… here I was a successful entrepreneur hosting singles events and I could not find someone that would accept this as OK to date! Men would say .. you do WHAT for a living? and you’re not available to date on the weekends because you are working… I would be like .. Dude.. it’s not like I am dancing on tables here.. I am hosting events for singles which I find rewarding, does it mean I will cheat on you? NO that’s not my style and HEY .. what’s wrong with dating on a THURS or WED ? or SUN night ?

I wasn’t about to give up my new found business just to make someone else happy. This went on for 7 long years! And at age 58 I finally met someone that accepted me and my world as OK .. no problem here!

Love is worth waiting for, and does not come easily… even though we live in a very disposable world. But that does not mean no one finds love? I have proof people do find each other, despite their situations (SEE TESTIMONIALS HERE) 

If you have a strong desire to meet someone then do something about it. You can make this choice. Figure out how … FIRST you must make time to socialize

Pursue all and any avenues – Happy hours, backyard BBQ with new singles girlfriends families, take a class, GO to single events, try online dating.
Create opportunities. Be positive.

And most of all be patient and enjoy your time now. It will happen for you .

Warm Regards,

From Gail Adams
www.7inheavensingles.com
Landline- 631 592 9804

#SpeedDating #Singles #Advice #FindLove #dating #longIsland

Read Full Post »

One of the funniest lines I ever heard about dating was something Chris Rock once said:   “When you date…have you ever notice when you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their “representative”. Then after a about 3 months you meet the REAL Candidate”

 ______________________________________________________

Dear Gail:

I wanted to give you some background on me, and possible you could give me some advice. I have been in the “dating” world for the last 10-years now, and I have not much luck keeping a man in my life for more than a 3-month relationship. Various reasons for this, all BS, but reasons nonetheless — or excuses rather. For example some of the breakup excuses have been:
“You are too good to be with a jerk like me.” (huh?)
“I respect you too much to be dating you casually.” (Did I say I wanted a serious relationship!??)
“You are the type I would take home to my mom, and right now I just want to get laid.” (dude, I never said I wanted to meet your mom!)
“How can you want to date me knowing it’s not going to last? What is the point?” (Urrr…nothing lasts forever, and whatever happened to enjoying the present?)
“I am scared of commitment.” (I don’t want to marry you!)
“It’s not you, it’s me.” (One of my all time favorites)

I’ve had the  “I’m really still in love with my ex” thing, The mutual break-up “you know …we like each other but not enough to keep dating” this one is one of  the cleanest cut ways out.

However, what might be interesting to note is that all these guys went on to have serious relationships after me. I don’t know what to think of that, and maybe I rather not think about it at all.
Maybe I was too easy to catch.

Maybe I shouldn’t have played those stupid games that everyone plays.

Maybe I gave too much too soon.

Maybe I didn’t give enough.

Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten involved with each other in the first place.

Who knows?

It seems like the minute it’s more painful than fun, you get out.

But, when the pattern repeats itself on numerous occasions, repeats you can’t help but wonder.

Anyway, below are the thought process I have held onto that has help me deal with this 3 month cycle of dating:
– You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to: if someone doesn’t want to be with you there is no convincing him into it.
– It’s all about personal growth: whether in or out of an involvement with someone, as long as you’ve grown in some way (together or apart), it was worth it.
– Nobody dies of a broken heart: you fall, you get up, you dust off, you move on.
– Everything happens for a reason.

Someone once told me that you attract what you are ready for.

Maybe subconsciously this is all I have ever been ready for?

A short- term relationship ready for the moment?

Or, have I been missing something to prevent the long term commitment I am seeking?

Single forever?

“Sam”

________________________________________

 

 

Dear Sam,

To avoid finding yourself in this situation, I am going to tell you loudly to STOP what you are doing and step back s-l-o-w-l-y. Dating goes through stages. If you try to avoid one of the stages, problems may develop in the relationship, which may result in you or your partner ending the relationship. When you recognize what stage of dating the relationship is in, you will understand what is called for or needed in order to move through that stage and onto the next stage.

It requires patience and understanding.

Month One: The Meeting

The purpose of stage one is to determine if there is enough physical attraction, chemistry, commonality and interest to warrant dating. For some people, it may take a couple of meetings to determine if they want to date a particular person. Decision to continue will come as long as both parties find each other interesting and fun to be with, and physically attracted to.

Month Two: Dating

Month two is the romantic stage and during this stage both of you want to spend increasingly amounts of time together. People often describe this stage as feeling physically attracted or infatuated with the other person. Because two people are having fun and really attracted to each other. Sometimes they tend to overlook those cute irritants (I call it Rose Color Glasses) of their partner in order to focus on the strong attraction and the positive feelings. But… without this stage of intense infatuation, a relationship can’t move on to the next stage. So if you and your partner are on two different pages with regard to your feelings for each other, it is best for you to be patient and wait for you partner to catch up. Doing this demonstrates to your partner that you are caring, patient and supportive. Too needy or too distance will drive the person further away.

Month Three: The “RELATIONSHIP”

Month three is where differences between the couple begin coming to the surface and it’s usually means make or BREAK in relationship.  Now the focuses are on how the two of you work through disagreements, differences of opinions and ideas as well as different approaches and issues about sex, communication and commitment. It is also an opportunity to both learn and use problem-solving skills with your partner. Arguing in a relationship is not the problem. The problem arises when couples don’t know or use healthy skills to resolve conflict. Stage three is also an opportunity to build a deeper relationship with your partner as each of you recognizes that you are loved and accepted for being your true self. This is where trust develops in a relationship.

Month Six: Independence and Interdependence

Month six is a when the couple learns how to be a couple and still maintain a level of independence within the relationship. During this period of time the couple begins to incorporate their previous relationships skills and fun interests into the couple relationship. For some people the fear of their partner wanting to socialize without them, triggers feelings of insecurity, or fear of an imminent ending to the relationship. If this is the case, the partner with the insecurity does not address his or her own issues, the result maybe unintended break-up. Of course there could be dozens of other reasons too, that why “dating is about discovery”.

One Year: Healthy Commitment

If you reach the one year stage is where the individuals are willing to make decisions about a long term commitment with one another. By now hopefully the couple has built a foundation on trust, honesty and integrity. For some this may lead to marriage for others this means being in a monogamous relationship.

Since you have trouble moving on past the third month, my suggestion to you is to slow down and allow your boyfriend time to realize his feelings for you are deeper than just friends. This won’t happen by you pointing it out to him. It will happen by him going through the stages at his own pace.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

I have had this question posed to me before from singles, when a woman who has slept with a man early on in the dating stages, suddenly discovers a week or two later…

Golly gee... why does this relationship appears to be only about SEX !

How did this happen?

Or better yet, try to turn it into a REAL relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not passing any judgments here. We are all adults making our own decisions, my goal is to simply enlighten you of the consequences of your actions and how things will play out from that point forward. If you decide to go home and sleep with a guy the very first date or time you meet with him, you really have to adjust your expectations accordingly. You have just made the decision to turn this into a casual night of fun, or “hookup” as some would call it, and once you have made this decision there is no turning back.

If you get a second date, well then consider it an unexpected added bonus to the casual fun night again. Don’t ever think, just because you now have slept together, you two are now property of each other. The “hookup” will never guarantee no matter how good the sex was, that he will be calling again. If that’s your ulterior motive then you just set yourself up for a major disappointment.

I know…  your saying it’s not fair!

Well I didn’t make the rules, and I have broken them enough times to know …they still do exist! And when you do break the rules, be prepared for what follows. Even though a man wants to get physical with you right away, and might even tell (or beg you) it won’t change a thing… that same man will be re-evaluating the relationship as soon as the light of day shows up!

They will always wonder in the back of their minds, if you do this with every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet? And you should question the same in your mind about him… is he with every Jane, Sally and Betty?

Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, and we all love instant gratification, the fact is, a man will more likely respect a women, stay with a women, and want to please her, is the woman that leaves him wanting more. When you hold back a little, that’s intriguing and something to look forward to. Become the object of his desire beyond the initial lust you both feel. THAT works both ways for MEN and WOMEN

If you goal is long term, then take my advise, and hold off, get to know him better, wait until you get the feeling you can trust him. Let him earn your trust firs t. You are worth it !

But end the first date at the bar meeting at the BAR, no matter how well it went!

Sorry guys, but I had to tell them. But you will thank me too when you meet the right girl Just think of  all the drama I am saving you from  those crazy stalking women that will follow you, if you go too far too soon, and then you decide you want to back out of the relationship!

Hey it’s true, I once told a guy that was practically begging me to sleep with him on the first date night  “no thanks… one night stands are like having a Chinese food. It will leave you hungry an hour later.”

Go for the full sit down dinner, trust me it will always be much more memorable.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

I have had this question posed to me before from singles, when a woman who has slept with a man early on in the dating stages, suddenly discovers a week or two later…

Golly gee... why does this relationship appears to be only about SEX !

How did this happen?

Or better yet, try to turn it into a REAL relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not passing any judgments here. We are all adults making our own decisions, my goal is to simply enlighten you of the consequences of your actions and how things will play out from that point forward. If you decide to go home and sleep with a guy the very first date or time you meet with him, you really have to adjust your expectations accordingly. You have just made the decision to turn this into a casual night of fun, or “hookup” as some would call it, and once you have made this decision there is no turning back.

If you get a second date, well then consider it an unexpected added bonus to the casual fun night again. Don’t ever think, just because you now have slept together, you two are now property of each other. The “hookup” will never guarantee no matter how good the sex was, that he will be calling again. If that’s your ulterior motive then you just set yourself up for a major disappointment.

I know…  your saying it’s not fair!

Well I didn’t make the rules, and I have broken them enough times to know …they still do exist! And when you do break the rules, be prepared for what follows. Even though a man wants to get physical with you right away, and might even tell (or beg you) it won’t change a thing… that same man will be re-evaluating the relationship as soon as the light of day shows up!

They will always wonder in the back of their minds, if you do this with every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet? And you should question the same in your mind about him… is he with every Jane, Sally and Betty?

Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, and we all love instant gratification, the fact is, a man will more likely respect a women, stay with a women, and want to please her, is the woman that leaves him wanting more. When you hold back a little, that’s intriguing and something to look forward to. Become the object of his desire beyond the initial lust you both feel. THAT works both ways for MEN and WOMEN

If you goal is long term, then take my advise, and hold off, get to know him better, wait until you get the feeling you can trust him. Let him earn your trust firs t. You are worth it !

But end the first date at the bar meeting at the BAR, no matter how well it went!

Sorry guys, but I had to tell them. But you will thank me too when you meet the right girl Just think of  all the drama I am saving you from  those crazy stalking women that will follow you, if you go too far too soon, and then you decide you want to back out of the relationship!

Hey it’s true, I once told a guy that was practically begging me to sleep with him on the first date night  “no thanks… one night stands are like having a Chinese food. It will leave you hungry an hour later.”

Go for the full sit down dinner, trust me it will always be much more memorable.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

You got to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em,
Know when to walk away, know when to run.

Dear 7 in Heaven ,

I attended SPEED DATING and noticed that two girls left before the end of the event.

I had noticed the one girl when we met for drinks and appetizers just before the speed dating, and I was looking forward to talking with her.

So I was disappointed when she and her friend left midway through the event.

I was wondering if you could, theoretically, shoot her an e-mail and say that there was a guy at the speed dating event that was looking forward to talking with her, and that he’d like to get in touch if she’s interested and you could give her my contact info if she asked, and you can tell her who I was among the guys.

I figure worst case scenario, she’d say she couldn’t care less…

Also.. I didn’t get any “DATE matches” only a few “FRIEND matches” how should I approach (or not approach) these kind of matches?

I appreciate your help and understanding, as well as your advice on this. I know this is not really part of your speed dating service and that other organizers would just wash their hands of any contact with clients outside of answering queries and attending events, so for what is worth, I really appreciate your efforts to help your clients.

Best,

X -Speed Dater

7 in Heaven wrote back…..

OK .. Mr. X- Speed-Dater,


I am first going to give you my opinion about that girl…
Based on first hand experience as :
1. being a woman
2. a dating organizer
3. running these events (hundreds of events) for 4 years

Forget that girl
YES I agree with you – She was NOT the one that wanted to bail it was her Friend- who believed she was better then everyone in the room and convinced her to leave
YES that girl seemed to be taking it all in stride.
But .. chasing after a woman that you did not even had a formal conversation with, will not get you points with a young attractive woman.

It will get you a smile and HER ego boost.
Its not worth the risk.
You have to know when to give it as try and when to walk away.
Walk away on that one. – SHE left.

If she was even slightly interested in anyone she would have contacted me

On the FRIENDS thing..
Again – speaking as a WOMAN..
I can tell you especially young women who have many many choices…
Young women don’t always dive in head first telling you they want a DATE MATCH
Friends is a maybe..
YES.. its a higher risk of being a dead end if you pursue

BUT – if done correctly – it can turn around in your favor

(so this one IS worth the risk in my opinion)
My suggestion on FRIENDS matches is to NOT call direct.
To flirt a little- text or send an email test the waters
Suggest meeting up as FRIENDS for a happy hour Friday night after work
Maybe suggest a bike ride in the park together to “hang out”
Get my drift??
FRIENDS hanging out..
THEN if you go slowly … and don’t look too eager… she may OR MAY NOT … change her mind and start to get more interested.
Either way you either make a new friend OR maybe build into something
the saying is.. best to start off as friends.

Use it

Good luck

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com


Read Full Post »

“I went to one event of yours and I didn’t met anyone I wanted to date”

My response – You went to ONE event and you didn’t meet anyone?

Ladies and Gentlemen– it rarely happens in ONE event, but it DOES happen one day ! And hopefully when that time arrives we have enough time to enjoy each other.

People ask me all the time…What is your success rate?

I quickly respond- “I have no success rate, I am not a matchmaker”

My job is to create fun events, bring people together and let the universe do the rest. Rarely am I kept in the loop, as to who connected with who, unless the couple is kind enough to share their story.

*This below true story hopefully will bring new faith and inspiration to you all while searching

Steve G. was a single gentleman that attended my events. He first started coming to my events back in 2008 when I first got started. Steve was patient in his search, and many times left the event knowing that maybe he made a few new friends, but not a match made in heaven.

Well, about a year ago- Steve G met Diane at one of my events. I thought Diane had made a good connection with another gentleman whom we will call “SAM” that evening, not necessarily Steve. Diane and Steve had “picked” each other for a match however.

Well about 4 months later, I called Steve one night, and asked:

Hey Steve where you’ve been? Have any plans tonight? Would you like to join us?”

Steve’s voice became sad and low, he said “Gail, I just found out this week I have Leukemia.” I was stunned and said. Oh Steve, I am so sorry to hear that. We discussed it a little more, and then I said goodbye and wished him the best in his recovery.

I went about my busy life and occasionally a thought came to mind – wondering how Steve was making out.

This past weekend, I held a Speed-Dating event and received a last minute call from Diane. She asked if she could join us, as she just needed to get out for the night. I said OK, and then Diane went on to explain she had been Dating STEVE G for the past year since they met at my Speed-Dating event.

I said REALLY? (remembering how I thought the connection was with “SAM”)

Diane went on to explain yes, Steve was not the first one she went out on a date with from that night, but the second. Steve called her, and picked her up and when he arrived, she noticed his charming cute half smile and said to herself, “Hey I think this date will be fun!”

3 months later, Steve suddenly surprised her with a fantastic weekend for them. At the end of the weekend, Diane, not knowing said “OK what’s this talk about? You breaking up with me now that you and I have had this fantastic weekend together” ?

Steve said, “Kinda; it might be best. I just found out I have Leukemia”

Diane said “You’re not getting rid of me!”

They spent this past year together having a BLAST. Diane accompanied Steve EVERYWHERE, they traveled saw old friends – Steve and Diane fell in love.

Steve and Diane dated right up until Steve’s battle with Leukemia ended May 2nd 2011

Steve had never been married, no children and had finally found someone special he so much enjoyed.

Steve did not attend one of my events but many of my events. And he did find someone, sadly and unbeknownst to him, the last year of his life.

Maybe Steve had become more open about the small stuff when choosing mates. When you know your time is limited, everything seems to really take a back seat.

Or maybe it really did take this much time to meet someone special.

Who knows.

It sure makes me think, how much time is wasted and how petty we can all be when it comes to dating.

And gives new meaning to the saying “Carpe’ Diem

Latin for : Seize the day or Live Life to the Fullest

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

Read Full Post »

Hi Gail,

Just wanted to let you know that I had a nice time SPEED DATING.  It was a lot of fun!
I see below that “Kirk” also listed me for a second date and thanks for giving me his contact info.
After the dating was finished I went back into the bar with another woman from the event, we both spent time chatting it up with a gentlemen she knew and ran into there, and we both had a nice time.

“Kirk” was also at the bar but he was engaged in conversation with other people from the event, and I felt awkward approaching him.
He hasn’t contacted me and I’m wondering if it’s because I didn’t approach him that evening?  What’s the protocol here?  Is it ok for the ladies to contact the men?
Gosh, you would think at my age  I would be able to figure this out! ha ha…!
Thanks.
“Gwyneth”

———————————————————————————————

Hi Gwyneth,

Humm… This can always be a tricky one.

Perhaps it would have been a good idea to leave “Kirk” with the impression you are interested.
But its a fine line- between flirting and being too overbearing.

Sometimes you can break into the conversation if he is with another woman, and sometimes its not possible.
What you might sometimes have to do… is  place yourself very close to the conversation, by perhaps sitting at a bar stool nearby, and look thier way.
If “Kirk” glances at you- during the conversation, you could turn your body toward the conversation
(body language is important)
And then, if the opportunity presents its self= you could find a way to join in on the conversation.

But other times its not possible to do that.

So…. if the other alternative is send an email to “Kirk” from the contact information I gave you from the Speed Dating event

say something like:
it was nice to meet youlooking forward to spending some time getting to know you better!

But only send ONE email! No response is an answer!

Now onto WHY he hasn’t called?

Well there are a ton of possible reasons such as:
A. *He is shy, new at the singles scene and needs some encouragement to make the first move
B. * Not ready to date yet, did he recently get separated ?
C. * Although he found you interesting, someone else piqued his interest more

So – in case he is SHY – send the gentle reminder email.
But don’t do more then that, as if he doesn’t make a move after that email, then perhaps the answer could be B or C !
And that’s OK – its only one person and one persons preferences.
Many others will find you attractive, and interesting! Don’t waste time on it all…

Just say “NEXT” and move along.

Hope that helps!

 

 

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Read Full Post »

Who makes the first move?

At our dating workshop 4/7/11 lead by Joe Fallarino of STAR COACHING, we discussed the topic CONFIDENT DATING TECHNIQUES and surprisingly enough, there were more men in attendance then females.

Joe brought and discussed some information supplied by the book “THE RULES”. This book was written by two women with some out of touch and outdated ideas about dating, yet also includes some very real rules still alive for dating.

Joe stated it was OK for a woman to make the first move, and the men in the room all seem to be agreeing with Joe!

I somewhat disagreed, siting that “men were from Mars” and cavemen at heart. MEN are hunters and seekers, love the chase and don’t have respect or pay much attention the the women that chase them.

Joe then polled the room of men and I asked the ladies their opinion.  Joe’s response from the guys was unanimous – all said they LIKED it when a woman made the first move. In fact one went to say it was sexy!

Now, I am kind of old school on this one, so I was surprised to see this reaction.

But I thought sure… guys like it if we make the first move, as they no longer have to worry about rejection! We women are now are put in that position. And another thought ran through my mind… only lazy or shy men will let women make the first move or how desperate a woman might be perceived by making the first move. Oh so complicated it seemed to be!

Then Joe made a simple statement – how about NO RULES?

Yes we need to think about our “moves” and respect each others space. It is somewhat like a game of chess each taking a turn after making a move. It doesn’t matter who makes the first move or the 2nd move, but that we wait after a move to see what the reaction was to make the next move.

Oh I forgot to mention that the men that said it was a turn on if the woman made the first move, also added- ONLY if they were attracted to that women. So, if they were not attracted they would be flattered but wouldn’t make a 2nd move.

Pursuing too hard, too fast will make the other person run no matter who makes the first move!

So go ahead ladies, take some initiative when some man interests you. Maybe by doing that you will stand out from the crowd! I provide both cell numbers (texting) and emails for the soft approach of contacting for the first time.

I got a call the other day to once again back this theory up, from a guy saying he was “impressed” Julie called him after the event to get together! And now he was going to check it out and take her out on a date

But ladies, let me still caution you, don’t make more then ONE move or one attempt on that first move or the table will turn. Best to go by my old rule of  “ no answer is an answer” and move on.

Anyone with some stories or opinions out there?


Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously


Read Full Post »

This one is for all the ladies out there, that think there are no good guys left. There are plenty of them ladies! Here’s some food for thought on how you might be turning away opportunities by not being open minded.

Dear Gail:

I attended one of your SPEED DATING events and received a date match from that event.

The next day I sent the following email to the date match:

Hi Henrietta,

You and I had a  ‘speed-date’ with 7-in-heaven and since I am not that experienced at this speed dating thing, and have trouble sorting and keeping notes during/after

the ‘date’,  I have just a composite image and details about you. So let’s get together to fill in the details of each of our lives. Maybe we can be friends or…more?

I’ll call you in the next couple of days to work out a convenient time to get together for coffee, tea or light meal and some interesting conversation.

Looking forward to continuing the conversation.

Cordially,

Jake

I called Henrietta a day after that email, she answered and said she is just about to have dinner, she’ll call back and then, it seemed to me, she abruptly hung up!  AND she did not call later.

OK, I thought, let’s try again, you never know what’s going on in another person’s life – I’m trying not to judge.

I called again the next day, left message on cell phone. To date no return call.

Gail, I know men and women communicate in different ways and sometime don’t communicate at all and/or there is much potential for miscommunication, please review the above and give me the benefit of your view on what’s taking place here.

These real life dramas are like a chapter out of your relationship BLOG!

Warmly,

JAKE

————————————————————————————

Dear Jake,

I am a straight shooter! Tell it like it is and based on what you wrote I would like to make this suggestion.

You seem like a low-key, easy going guy JAKE, and would best mesh with someone LIKE you.
Henrietta is a very attractive woman and has a lot of choices as a very pretty woman.
If I had to guess... I would say she was not impressed – that you didn’t EXACTLY know who she was- she may feel she should have STOOD OUT from all the rest, how could you NOT know?

Now, someone more down to earth, practical, would appreciate your honesty and know that they TOO could easily forget some details after meeting a group of people.
This gal, instead of being honest with you, decided to do the age old “blow him off by being unavailable” routine.

You did everything right. It just wasn’t a match, or she is checking out other options available from the event.

No answer is an answer, whether it is from a man or a woman.
Women do tend to be less upfront, as we Venus people… don’t like to hurt feelings so we ladies somehow think no answer is kinder.
BUT MARTIANS prefer a straight up – no thanks answer.

Ah yes, the differences of men and women.

Let this one go, you need to be with someone that is more understanding like yourself.

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

Read Full Post »

Dear Gail,

I have to ask you this question… a guy once told me that when a bunch of women come to a speed-dating event together as friends (or clique), some of them may already be in relationships and are just coming for support for their friend.

So not all the women are actually available? In addition, I was told that when women “huddle together” after the event, that they will decide who picks who so their is no competition amongst them.

Is this true?

From  “Team player

—————————————————————————————

Dear “Team player”

Some of the points you make are true! And let me start by explaining not all women behave this way….

Yes we women from Venus do congregate much more then the men from Mars.

We go to the bathroom together, feel the need more urgently then the men to go to events together….

But the “huddle” amongst the girlfriends is more about comparing notes, to evaluate and crosscheck referenced information, not so much as to decide, “who gets who”.

Example: “OH… I didn’t know that about him… he told you that?

Trust me MEN do it too…. it’s just that women do it more.

As for women attending events that are already in relationships, I have to say no, that is not the norm. Honest women (or men) that are in relationships won’t attend a singles event as they risk meeting people that they might know! And then will have to explain to their significant other, “hey I know so-and-so told you they saw me there, but really, I was only there for my friend.”

It might be a bit difficult to explain…

I want you to know, I always encourage women to attend alone. They benefit so much more by attending alone.
Read my BLOG article about it!

I hope to enlighten a few women out there, how we must look to the guys when we do the SPEED DATING HUDDLE after the event is over.

Ladies, keep in mind, only YOU will know if that person you meet will be right for you after a few date to get to know one another. You don’t need your girlfriend’s approval, or information she gathered. You need to form your own opinion.

Thanks for attending team player!

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

So you have been dating, you met someone you are really excited about, they are complimentary, attentive, full of excitement about the future. Then suddenly one day, they are MIA (missing in action) no return call for hours or a day or so. They explain they are just busy, nothings wrong but the distance seems to grow. Then it happens, they explain, “its not you its ME”

It could be they are commitment phobic

Commitment phobics are actually tortured souls full of FEAR. They are in a constant state of emotional conflict because of their negative irrational beliefs about love, commitment and relationships.

Generally, commitment phobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married; yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain long-lasting connections. Why? because many have such a long list of must-haves, they probably may not find anybody ever! With the long list of expectations, it is a way of expressing, that they are commitment phobic people. Ironically, in romantic relationships, the commitment phobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for love with the frightening reality of “forever” leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.

One potentially misleading aspect of commitment phobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is the only one with a problem!

In fact, commitment phobic behavior includes those individuals that are “settling” for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationships as well as those fleeing from a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitment phobic.

Here are some clues, which apply to many (but not all) Commitment phobics

1. They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married – there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right person, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favorite line is “someday”.

2. If they have been married it is likely to have been for a short time, or, if they have been in a long term relationship or marriage, they will usually have a history of infidelity.

3. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent people.

4. They are fast to move toward a monogamous relationship, and they pursue ardently until they win the person over.

5. They are very charming. They say and do all the right things and they can be very romantic. They are very good salesmen to get their own needs met, but in reality they have very little concern for the other person’s feelings, as they are always operating from hidden agendas.

6. Commitment phobics love the chase but they don’t want the kill. This may happen after 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months or 1 year. They may start sabotaging just as they are about to get married, or just before or after there’s a decision made to move in together.

7. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman’s family or friends.

8. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility. They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely. They are like this with family and friends as well, although this is not the case in their working environment.

9. They hate planning ahead because that means commitments.

10. Behavioral inconsistencies are very noticeable with these men when they find themselves getting too close. They become argument and abusive, or they create distance. A lot of uncaring sabotage behaviors surface ex: working long hours, taking on new projects, not able to make social commitments with you, not calling back, finding fault with the person they are involved with.

11. The word “forever” terrifies them. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, creating sabotage to make the person want to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so themselves.

How you can handle a commitment phobic

Don’t rush into bed with these types, especially the ones who are very charming and pursue ardently, as they are the ones to be most wary of. Take your time. Listen carefully to a person’s history and actions. As you continue to date, if they tend to exclude you from other areas of their life such as meeting friends, family, hobbies, social get-togethers, the writing is on the wall – beware. Understand that your love and attention won’t change him but not needing him and giving him space might. If you still see things not coming together after some time, get out now…. OR be prepared  to not expect a close committed relationship – be prepared to take the relationship for what it is. You will not change them. Actions speak louder than words. Believe what they do, not what they say.

Favorite saying I once read:

A man of words but not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

Read Full Post »

At my SPEED DATING EVENTS, I give 2 types of “matches”
one is a “DATE MATCH” which of course everyone wants! That is the one you sit down with and there is no doubt you want to see this person again. The WOW effect.
Hopefully they feel the same way too!
But life isn’t always so black and white.
Sometimes the best loves are developed or cultivated by patience and persistence. SO I provide a second option which is a “FRIENDS MATCH”.

I am asked frequently and with no surprise… mostly from the gentlemen: what does a FRIENDS MATCH mean?
Well, it is someone that you met for only 7 minutes. Someone with whom you thought was just OK on first impression, and is somewhat interested…but not quite sure about a “DATE” quite yet.

What I suggest is “go slow” with the friends matches.

Meaning, make a connection or invitation on Facebook.
OR invite to meet on a Friday after work at a favorite happy hour place.
Send an email instead of a phone call to make connections.

She or He will either warm up- or not.

The person may become more and more interested if we stick it out a bit.

Of course it could go the other way too!

But nothing ventured nothing gained.

To check out this weeks events CLICK HERE

 

Lots of fun creative ways to enjoy life, make friends and fall in love!

All the best on your quest!

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!


visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

Read Full Post »

Ahh yes the wonderful world of online dating.

If you are single, you probably are one of the estimated 20 million people a month that visit an online dating site.

And just think, that number doesn’t even include the married folks that are using online sites too!

Married and looking on the Internet is a big concern to those in marriages that are having some unresolved issues.

Even FACEBOOK has become one of the new ways to cheat, look up your old high school sweetheart, and pick up where you left off.

Problem is people can actually become addicted to online dating, as its like window-shopping with an endless supply of merchandise.

Always-new people to explore and the possibility of finding MR. or MRS perfect seem to be right around the corner. After all it should be very easy to achieve since it appears there is a bottomless pit of choices to pick from.

If someone is not exactly right for them, singles are less inclined to accept it and more likely to think hey… why settle? I can always get someone else who is just that little bit more perfect online.

This form of dating has changed the attitudes of those looking for a potential mate as it seems like it’s just an email or IM away to eternal happiness as opposed to years ago where you had to do the legwork and get out of the house to actually meet people.

And with this instant connection of dating, so have other trends increased.

I like to call it  “FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ” are much more readily found.

Which I would define as … We like each other, we have a good time together, we’re attracted to each other, we have a lot in common but we’re not LTR material, BUT we can date until someone better comes along!”

I would say the word “disposable” sure does apply here.

Then there is SEXTING …

Text messaging dirty little messages back and forth, to keep the interest going. Which if you find you are spending more time doing more of this, then actually talking or seeing the person, to me that is one really a lame way to have sex.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that online dating is a terrible way to meet people. Many people have found great loves online. But just as many have been scammed, cheated on or lied to much more easily by using this method of dating. You must date with your feet planted firmly on the ground, and get your imagination and head out of the clouds!

Here’s a short list of pros and cons of online dating

Pro’s

  1. VERY easy to get a date – just post a decent profile with a decent picture and your off and running.
  2. You can “shop” more easily– an example is say you want to date only non-smokers, then you can sort your finds by that criteria
  3. You don’t have to limit your choices to your neighborhood. Can increase your odds by increasing your distance – no limits to where!

Con’s

  1. Many Married-and- cheating are using the online dating sites these days as a way to meet unsuspecting singles. Not meeting in person and instead emailing and talking on the phone allow people to easily be something they are not.
  2. Picture may tell 1000 words, but nothing is more upsetting then to meet someone that doesn’t look like their picture at all. People use old pics or fake pics to make themselves more attractive then they really are. Meeting in person is when the moment of truth is set.
  3. The Blind Date: When you go on an online date, you really are going on somewhat of a “blind Date” except you have an idea of what that person looks like. Someone who doesn’t interest you can wind up monopolizing your whole evening! You get dressed, drive to go out to meet someone you almost immediately decide oh no… This one is not for me… yet winds up spending a polite amount of time with this single stranger then go home disappointed.
  4. Pass by good opportunities: Many times you may have passed someone by online; because they totally blew the way they put together their profile online. And nowhere does it count more with online dating; you only get one change to make a first impression.

Over the past 8 years I have been single since my divorce, I personally have gone on what seems like hundreds of online dates. Many of these dates taught me to have patience, and a sense of humor. When I started to feel frustrated with the whole process I decided to go back to the basics and get out and MEET people in person and not to have a mission, but to have a desire to meet someone with a mission to have fun.

Attending Speed Dating and other types of activities allow you to meet face-to-face with age appropriate single men and women locally where you live and work. The events make it easy to meet other singles. You don’t need to worry about whether or not anyone will talk to you. At Speed Dating, there’s no need to fear rejection because at the event no one is allowed to ask someone for a date.

When you think about it, there are all kinds of ways to meet people. I like to explain it as; we all have a goal, a destination to reach. To get to that destination, you could travel by plane, train, and car or bus… but once you get there you don’t really care how – you’re having too much fun to care. But some ways of traveling will be more comfortable, and faster!

I personally prefer the in person way to meet people. Many people have told me when it comes to online dating, they fair much better meeting in a casual way vs. the “interview” with a first online date. For an example – men that are under the height of 5’ 9” have told me, they often get passed by when online dating as people put in the exact height they hope for. But when these great guys meet in person their personality make up for the inch or two on the wish list of any woman.

Also less married and cheating attend single events, as they have to come out in the open and meet strangers that might recognize them as the married guy down the block!

(I did say less, there is no guarantees as some people really have you know what… and will cheat anyway, anyhow )

Check out our interactive activity events and our fun organized Speed-Dating event on the CALENDAR

Step away from the computer and come out and play.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!


visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

Read Full Post »

Women say they want a nice guy, but do they mean it? It seems all too often that women pass up a perfectly good guy and go for the bad boy

And Ladies… have you ever asked yourself why do men seem to fall for the nasty mean B_ _  _ _ instead of the nice sweet girl?

Yes, no matter whether you are male or female, we all have at one time or another been attracted to one of those naughty girls or bad boys. Your heart was broken, you were cheated on, you gave everything you’ve got inside to them, yet you got little or nothing in return…you know what I’m talking about.

So what is it about “bad boys” or men that aren’t “available” that is attractive to women?

Have you ever dated a guy even though you knew he was a “bad boy” or found out soon into things yet kept dating him anyway?

And guys… do find yourself gravitating to women who are hateful, that seem to suck the life out of you, with her ever demanding rules, and bad girl behavior yet in the end for some reason you still missed her?

Is there a nice guy or nice girl in your life who would make a great companion but you’re not attracted to or share a great chemical “connection” with?

The reason is simple. Nobody wants to be with someone who is boring!

That’s why “jerks” seem to do so well initially attracting women.

And girls that stand their own and never give in or kiss-up attract the guys.

A guy friend of mine once told me – I’ve had women in the past be the “nice girl” with me. There’s two women that stand out that I remember that acted overly nice and sweet going overboard to try to get me to date them. Any attraction that was there, started going away… right away when they poured it on.

THE TRUTH of the matter is – kissing up, convincing and being too “sweet” can kill attraction.

The reason the attraction is killed is because in our subconscious, we react in ways you often can’t control and aren’t even aware of.  Being too “nice” sends a signal to a deep part of the brain that tells you “this person is too wishy washy, and isn’t desirable can’t protect therefore he is of lower status”.  AKA the “ ALPHA MALE “ syndrome.  I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungry or weird to you, but it’s what happens with us humans.

Men and women don’t value what they can have too easily, whether they want to admit it or not.

And sometimes it is for that reason, women and men don’t want to be with the right person who are probably much better relationship material and love companions.

Remember the scene in the movie- “Coming to America” with Eddie Murphy as the prince who is standing in front of the alter, ready to wed his beautiful bride? He talks with her right before the ceremony and asks her … “

What do you like? ….

She responds:  “whatever YOU like”

Prince asks: “what do you like to eat? “

Princess response: “whatever YOU like”

Her subservient answers continue, then the prince (Eddie Murphy) tells her to Bark like a dog and hop on one leg. When she does what he says.. He announces.. “I CANNOT MARRY this WOMAN! She does everything I say! “

Men and Women don’t respect a “YES MAN” not having a mind of your own. Someone with an opinion is someone that has the self-confidences that in turn makes you more attractive.

OK let’s admit it here… there’s something exciting about a man or woman who is assertive enough to tell you what he wants. The trick is to be exciting and desirable enough while still being a good, caring person.

Example- if you are a CPA for a living (a low risk very organized occupation that has to follow a lot of rules), try taking up skydiving or some exciting hobby. Anything can really make you more interesting if you just have a good sense of humor about it!

In the nice guys defense – they DO actually have something better to offer a woman in the long run of what she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship, passion), but some women aren’t able to see it or see the everyday guy as something they want.

You see, since women truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimes we feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pure sensual burning “I must have him!” feeling. That’s why we sometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the object of these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapist Belleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeys series of guided imagery tapes. “In order for the deliciousness of pure lust to be ‘okay,’ it has to be for the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do with the rest of your life. With him, you can crank up your animal impulses, worry-free,” she says…

Wow…. interesting, huh?

And wouldn’t you know it – it works the same way for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can’t “convince” a guy to like you just because you do sweet things…
It just doesn’t work like that.

Like it or not, women DO feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”. They are strong willed; protective and doesn’t let people opinions get in their way. Of course, I don’t believe that men have to be jerks, or abuse women in order to make them feel attracted to them.  But women have a deep attraction mechanism that’s triggered by men who behave indifferent, superior, cocky… the list goes on and on… of “bad” behavior traits we gals seem to be wooed by.
“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicating forms of drama – often perceived as playfulness, sexuality and fun. When I first talk to women about the bad boy subject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree and say “I don’t date the bad boys”. Then I ask them about some of the relationships they’ve had in the past.

And guess what?  Most women realize in the course of the conversation that they’ve dated men they knew fit the “bad boy” profile. What makes me laugh is that the realization makes them argue with me even more!

So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?

“We had a great connection”.  Some women call it “chemistry”.

The magic of a connection with a man can be extremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undo all sorts of normal  reasoning abilities like… get out of thisdanger ahead… and ways other ways of perceiving things.

Women picking and staying with the wrong men is the single biggest topic I have with single women when calling me to coming to their first single event.  It’s the most common reason why the thousands of women I tell me they can’t find the love and fulfillment they’re looking for.

But the real question is  “Do Women Date Naughty Guys but – Marry Nice Ones?”

Men and women actually do prefer a real woman or real man. Which why the wedding vows talk of Respect, Honesty, Loyalty and Love which is the basics anyone wants and needs in a good relationship.

I believe most healthy women and men act the way they want to be treated. So my best advise if she/he treats you badly don’t lower yourself to their level. If they are not respecting you… RUN and move on. You will find the woman / man for you that will rock your world.

I’ve run the gamut – been a ‘b_ _ _ _’ and have been a ‘doormat’ and am now beginning to reach some conclusions.

Basically, I believe its all about balance – this is true for both men and women. It’s a huge mistake to hit the extremes: either bitch or doormat,  jerk or weakling. The secret is (or must be, I should say!) to be as nice and sweet as you feel it is natural for you to be, but hold your own and always set limits. So when the man/lady in your life tries to test your boundaries (and they will) or see how far you will bend back or go, say no when you don’t feel comfortable and set boundaries.

It boils down to being truly honest with yourself (ask yourself: “am I really comfortable with doing this/that?”) and if the answer is “no”, then have the guts to say NO – it doesn’t have to be in a confrontational way, but frank and upfront way.

You will have your partner’s respect and your self-respect. And you won’t kill the
initial attraction with approval-seeking over-kind honey-dripping behavior or excited but scared attraction with mean behavior. There has to be that balanced middle ground. We just have to work on finding it.

If you are a guy reading this blog, trust me… there are women out there like me who are looking for good men like you.  Don’t give up.

I think women like the chase the same way men do. To work for the attention makes you feel he is not too needy or smothering. I think women AND men confuse confidence with arrogance or even disrespect! It is a fine line till you get to know the person better.

And ladies…don’t ever believe all the good ones are married or dating and there none left. There are a ton of great guys all the time at my events.

Maybe it is because the nice man or nice woman was simply just being too well…nice. Maybe they didn’t keep their identity with friends and hobbies.

Maybe they didn’t say no enough.

Sometimes I think when we find someone we really connect with…we are too available, or spend too much time in the beginning or give up too much information too fast or try to be their everything. It can be smothering to a person. I believe men or women don’t like an insecure clingy person. One can be nice and have a great time without making someone his or her complete world. I know… sometimes we are afraid of losing this great person…and so you go into the overly nice mode, too available…too giving… but it shows and backfires.

I believe that women, like men, don’t want a doormat. They want someone who loves them, gives them attention but still has their own life too. Unfortunately, some of us haven’t been taught this from the beginning and are still learning.

Knowing when to say the right thing, and can be very charming especially when the mood strikes and that’s what keeps us going back for more.
I’ve dated extremely nice men, but unfortunately, some of them didn’t know how to make me feel like a desirable woman.

I don’t think women set out to date men who treat them badly.  I know for myself, I have an uncanny way of falling for men who have treated me like a queen for the first few months and before I know it they have turned out to be ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’.

It’s is all about actively improving your ability to know what a good man or woman looks like for YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right person for now and for the future. Picking the wrong person can get you in all kinds of painful trouble it’s hard to get free of.

And of course, the bottom line is that we teach people how to treat us. If you don’t want to be treated like you’re unworthy, then don’t LET people treat you like you’re unworthy!

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

Have you ever found yourself in the company of a professional dater? Also called the “serial dater” or “player” ?  When you meet them, they will tell you that they really don’t warm up to a lot of people, but they feel such a connection with you and would like to get to know you better. SO you meet for coffee, and wow, they think you’re the next best thing since sliced bread!

They chat you up on instant messenger or TEXT constantly for a couple of weeks and then bam, nothing. And then you find out, they’ve practiced the same line on a friend of yours who’s new on the online dating scene when you exchange notes with your friend and realize you’ve met a serial dater. He or She is dating about 3-6 times a week (depending on how good a juggler they are)

The Urban Dictionary describes the “serial dater” as:

One who engages in the process of systematically dating an obscene amount people in short span of time. This definition encompasses but is not limited to internet dating, bar dating, long distance flirtations, phone service dating, blind dating, expiration dating, match making, one night stands, friends with benefits, and personal ad surfing. Can be considered a politically correct alternative to word “player” both with and without a negative connotation.

Deep down you might find that the serial dater is actually someone who feels like they always need a boyfriend or girlfriend. Often, serial daters believe they are in love after dating for two days. These relationships usually last for about two weeks, followed by much moping and heartbreak until the next guy or girl comes along two days later, at which point the cycle begins again. These people are often insecure and need another person to boost their self-esteem.

Where do you meet them?

Online dating sites make it a piece of cake to be a serial dater. Many men and women get addicted to these sites always thinking that the BIG PRIZE CATCH is just another click away. Serial daters are like hungry ghosts always on the move, never satisfied and never settling. They are not bad people, they are just restless souls who are seeking love and really don’t have an ulterior motive of using and taking like the “player” does.

“Players” have an agenda and a motive of getting involved for a reason (sex or money) and consciously tells you what you want to hear, to get you to that place… then leave you.

The Bachelor hunk Jake Pavelka has juggled 25 bachelorettes, weeding out 21 to leave him with a final four, but the pilot admits that serial dating just isn’t his thing.

Here is a list of some of the traits/characteristics of a typical serial dater :

1.         Professionals, established over forty, and has never been married.

2.         Make claims that he wants to settle down and get married but the truths is he has not never been in a committed relationship that last over two years.

3.         The first few dates may be fantastic, but soon he simply stops calling (or she won’t answer your calls) without even a break-up notice.

4.         They are charming but can never seem to be able to achieve psychological intimacy (although he has no problem getting you into bed with him).

5.         Loves to talk about his work above all other topics.  The reason behind this is that they are married to their jobs, which is why they aren’t married to a person).

6.         They always know the latest buzz on where the trendy bars and restaurants are– often even before they are open (the serial dater is always more excited to be seen at hot spots than spending time with someone he could potentially share his life with).

7.          They prefer to spend their weekends alone or with their buddies and have no interest in seeing you except the weekdays.

If you see a number of these traits popping up… keep your feet planted firmly on the ground. Don’t run away with your thoughts, and if needed, move on quickly.

The bottom line is that, sometimes, we all may allow ourselves to be taken in by people who are more into the dating game than seeking out “the one”.

Remember to not take it personal and never lose faith that the majority of us are good honest people just looking for the real deal.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

A gentleman who attended a SPEED DATING event recently, inquired about an interesting question.

I don’t understand why women say YES (mark me down as a match) when in fact they really mean NO? I call, or I email a friendly hello and invitation, yet they do not respond.

No response, which is actually kind of rude. Why do they say yes in the first place?

————————————————————————————————-

Well dear gentleman, I did some research for this one. And also know a few things about it from being a woman myself!

For starters: Many people (women even more so) are uncomfortable about saying no.

Here are some reasons why

1. She says yes because she wants to stop the other person from feeling upset or hurt by saying “no thanks”, she doesn’t want to let anyone down.

2. She says yes because she fears the other person will be upset with her, or be disappointed in her and be angry with her.

(*Food for thought…. are you pushing too hard for a YES from her?)

3. She says yes because…. saying yes means avoiding having a difficult conversation about saying “no thanks”.

4. She fears being judged or criticized by you, so she tries to avoid this by saying what she thinks you want to hear. (Not your issue this is hers!)

5. She says yes because she fears she might not be asked again…. but then discovers the guy she REALLY wanted, does say YES too. So she tosses the “maybes” out.

So how can we change this?

Well first we have to remember… we can’t change anyone else, just ourselves.

If someone says YES when they really mean no, understand it is something going on with THEM not you. Sometimes its because the other person’s confidence is low and doesn’t set good bounties and place their own priorities first.

Wanting to be liked isn’t a bad thing. But when someone makes their own value and worth dependent on what others think, then they have created a scenario that doesn’t allow them to take care of themselves sometimes caring for you means disappointing someone else.

Ever hear the expression have to cruel to be kind ? Meaning that you sometimes have to be somewhat harsh (say no thanks) so that a person understands what you have to say. Men in particular appreciate a woman that knows what she wants, even if it’s a no thanks.

Its more respectful to say no thanks- I don’t think we are a match then lead the person down a road you never wanted them on in the first place!

So how can we say no the first time and politely?

1. Remember no is a perfectly good answer!

2. Buy some time if you’re not sure, say “Can I get back to you on that?”

3. Do not justify your answer. If someone asks WHY do you think we are not a match? Simply say “ because we are not a match” you don’t need to explain.

4. Remember you are saying no to the request not the person and in the person will appreciate your honesty and forthright decision.

It’s important to keep in mind, when we are on the receiving side of the No thanks… we must also respect that decision.  That the “no thanks” we received was actually an act of kindness in the grand scheme of things.

Because maybe NEXT time, we will get an absolute YES from him and an absolute YES from her with no doubts from either party.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

One of the funniest lines I ever heard about dating was something Chris Rock once said:   “When you date…have you ever notice when you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their “representative”. Then after a about 3 months you meet the REAL Candidate”

 ______________________________________________________

Dear Gail:

I wanted to give you some background on me, and possible you could give me some advice. I have been in the “dating” world for the last 10-years now, and I have not much luck keeping a man in my life for more than a 3-month relationship. Various reasons for this, all BS, but reasons nonetheless — or excuses rather. For example some of the breakup excuses have been:
“You are too good to be with a jerk like me.” (huh?)
“I respect you too much to be dating you casually.” (Did I say I wanted a serious relationship!??)
“You are the type I would take home to my mom, and right now I just want to get laid.” (dude, I never said I wanted to meet your mom!)
“How can you want to date me knowing it’s not going to last? What is the point?” (Urrr…nothing lasts forever, and whatever happened to enjoying the present?)
“I am scared of commitment.” (I don’t want to marry you!)
“It’s not you, it’s me.” (One of my all time favorites)

I’ve had the  “I’m really still in love with my ex” thing, The mutual break-up “you know …we like each other but not enough to keep dating” this one is one of  the cleanest cut ways out.

However, what might be interesting to note is that all these guys went on to have serious relationships after me. I don’t know what to think of that, and maybe I rather not think about it at all.
Maybe I was too easy to catch.

Maybe I shouldn’t have played those stupid games that everyone plays.

Maybe I gave too much too soon.

Maybe I didn’t give enough.

Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten involved with each other in the first place.

Who knows?

It seems like the minute it’s more painful than fun, you get out.

But, when the pattern repeats itself on numerous occasions, repeats you can’t help but wonder.

Anyway, below are the thought process I have held onto that has help me deal with this 3 month cycle of dating:
– You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to: if someone doesn’t want to be with you there is no convincing him into it.
– It’s all about personal growth: whether in or out of an involvement with someone, as long as you’ve grown in some way (together or apart), it was worth it.
– Nobody dies of a broken heart: you fall, you get up, you dust off, you move on.
– Everything happens for a reason.

Someone once told me that you attract what you are ready for.

Maybe subconsciously this is all I have ever been ready for?

A short- term relationship ready for the moment?

Or, have I been missing something to prevent the long term commitment I am seeking?

Single forever?

“Sam”

________________________________________

Dear Sam,

To avoid finding yourself in this situation, I am going to tell you loudly to STOP what you are doing and step back s-l-o-w-l-y. Dating goes through stages. If you try to avoid one of the stages, problems may develop in the relationship, which may result in you or your partner ending the relationship. When you recognize what stage of dating the relationship is in, you will understand what is called for or needed in order to move through that stage and onto the next stage.

It requires patience and understanding.

Month One: The Meeting

The purpose of stage one is to determine if there is enough physical attraction, chemistry, commonality and interest to warrant dating. For some people, it may take a couple of meetings to determine if they want to date a particular person. Decision to continue will come as long as both parties find each other interesting and fun to be with, and physically attracted to.

Month Two: Dating

Month two is the romantic stage and during this stage both of you want to spend increasingly amounts of time together. People often describe this stage as feeling physically attracted or infatuated with the other person. Because two people are having fun and really attracted to each other. Sometimes they tend to overlook those cute irritants (I call it Rose Color Glasses) of their partner in order to focus on the strong attraction and the positive feelings. But… without this stage of intense infatuation, a relationship can’t move on to the next stage. So if you and your partner are on two different pages with regard to your feelings for each other, it is best for you to be patient and wait for you partner to catch up. Doing this demonstrates to your partner that you are caring, patient and supportive. Too needy or too distance will drive the person further away.

Month Three: The “RELATIONSHIP”

Month three is where differences between the couple begin coming to the surface and it’s usually means make or BREAK in relationship.  Now the focuses are on how the two of you work through disagreements, differences of opinions and ideas as well as different approaches and issues about sex, communication and commitment. It is also an opportunity to both learn and use problem-solving skills with your partner. Arguing in a relationship is not the problem. The problem arises when couples don’t know or use healthy skills to resolve conflict. Stage three is also an opportunity to build a deeper relationship with your partner as each of you recognizes that you are loved and accepted for being your true self. This is where trust develops in a relationship.

Month Six: Independence and Interdependence

Month six is a when the couple learns how to be a couple and still maintain a level of independence within the relationship. During this period of time the couple begins to incorporate their previous relationships skills and fun interests into the couple relationship. For some people the fear of their partner wanting to socialize without them, triggers feelings of insecurity, or fear of an imminent ending to the relationship. If this is the case, the partner with the insecurity does not address his or her own issues, the result maybe unintended break-up. Of course there could be dozens of other reasons too, that why “dating is about discovery”.

One Year: Healthy Commitment

If you reach the one year stage is where the individuals are willing to make decisions about a long term commitment with one another. By now hopefully the couple has built a foundation on trust, honesty and integrity. For some this may lead to marriage for others this means being in a monogamous relationship.

Since you have trouble moving on past the third month, my suggestion to you is to slow down and allow your boyfriend time to realize his feelings for you are deeper than just friends. This won’t happen by you pointing it out to him. It will happen by him going through the stages at his own pace.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

One of my clients had a long distance relationship and hadn’t seen her ex boyfriend in over eight months. She kept going on and on, telling me she couldn’t get him out of her mind. How the relationship had ended, he has moved on but she could not.

I kept telling her that it is important to get on with her life now. She refused and asked me why, maybe he will come back, change his mind…

I told her “It’s because the guy who left you, represents who you were, the moment you met him. And that was well over a year ago.”

Let me explain what I’m talking about. Because you might not be familiar with this concept from the “law of attraction” …

Every person you meet represents the ”you” and who you are at the moment you met him.

He is the reflection of your inner self.

If you want only money, life might send you a heartless millionaire who can provide you with financial resources.

And when you honestly fall for him, and ask why he is not able to love you back, brace yourself for the answer – it’s because of the money you wanted so much in the first place.

If you wanted sex at that moment, life would have sent you a sex machine to satisfy you.

LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE!

If you succeed in getting him back into your life, strap on your seat belt because now your life will be an emotional roller coaster with more ups and downs than the stock market.

Every person we attract into our lives is there for a reason. They teach us things at particular time in our lives for our growth as human beings.

If today you met your best friend for the very first time (the same best friend you met in reality ten years ago) you may not have anything in common – you may not even like each other.

Why?

Because today, you are not the same person you were ten years ago when you met your best friend and you needed him or her and they needed you too. You gave each other what was needed to be given at that time, but now have formed a bond and respect for each other, so you are still friends today.

Don’t look for the future in your past, the future is in the future.

When you break a vase, you gather all the pieces together and glue them back in place like a puzzle. But as soon as you pour water into the vase, it will start leaking.

A broken relationship is just like a broken vase.

Check out some new vases, the flowers will look better and bloom longer!

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

I have had this question posed to me before from singles, when a woman who has slept with a man early on in the dating stages, suddenly discovers a week or two later…

Golly gee... why this relationship appears to be only about SEX ! How did this happen?

Or better yet, try to turn it into a REAL relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not passing any judgments here. We are all adults making our own decisions, my goal is to simply make you aware of the consequences of your actions and how things will play out from that point forward. If you decide to go home and sleep with a guy the very first date or time you meet with him, you really have to adjust your expectations accordingly. You have just made the decision to turn this into a casual night of fun, or “hookup” as some would call it, and once you have made this decision there is no turning back.

If you get a second date, well then consider it an unexpected added bonus to the casual fun night again. Don’t ever think, just because you now have slept together, you two are now property of each other. The “hookup” will never guarantee no matter how good the sex was, that he would be calling again. If that’s your ulterior motive then you just set yourself up for a major disappointment.

I know…  your saying it’s not fair! Well I didn’t make the rules, and I have broken them enough times to know …they still do exist! And when you do break the rules, be prepared for what follows. Even though a man wants to get physical with you right away, and might even tell you it won’t change a thing… that same man will be re-evaluating the relationship as soon as the light of day show up!

They will always wonder in the back of their minds, if you do this with every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet? And you should question the same in your mind about him… is he with every Jane, Sally and Betty? !

Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, and we all love instant gratification, the fact is, a man will more likely respect a women, stay with a women, and want to please her, is the woman that leaves him wanting more. When you hold back a little, that’s intriguing and something to look forward to. Become the object of his desire beyond the initial lust you both feel.

If you goal is long term, then take my advise, and hold off, get to know him better, wait until you get the feeling you can trust him. Let him earn your trust first. You are worth it you hot mamma!  But end the first date at the bar meeting at the BAR, no matter how well it went!

Sorry guys, but I had to tell them. But you will thank me too when you meet the right girl and I save you from all that drama of the crazy stalking that will follow you if you go too far too soon and then want to back out of the relationship!

Hey it’s true, I once told a guy that was practically begging me to sleep with him on the first date night  “no thanks… one night stands are like having a Chinese food dinner. It will leave you hungry an hour later.”

Go for the full sit down dinner, trust me it will always be much more memorable.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »


Hi Gail,

Recently I went out of town and stayed with my girlfriend’s guy friends. I didn’t know at all any of these guys, I had only heard from my friend about how awesome her friends were, which convinced me to stay with them.

When I got there, the minute I saw the guys, in my mind all I could think of is “how cute they were”. Though I knew that both of them had girlfriends I wasn’t apprehensive about flirting with them at all. The first night of my stay went in drinking, building rapport and plain craziness.

I was constantly thinking which one of them should I choose; it’s not every day that a good-looking girl like me is surrounded by good-looking guys!

Anyway as the morning dawned I knew whom I’d like to have a clandestine affair with, hence started a wooing game with the guy. In the back of my mind, I knew he was not really caring about me, cause he had enough of girls to choose from (a Casanova type).

Soon the harmless flirting turned into a power game for me to try to win him over.  For some reason, I forgot why I went on this break… for an important reason, to try to heal my broken heart from a breakup.

I didn’t care that my friendship with my girlfriend was at stake.

I didn’t care that I would be more heart-broken in the end. I knew the truth was that although the man I was pursuing was a sweetheart as a friend, but he is a Casanova who didn’t care a bit about the girl he slept with. He did make it very clear that he would be with his girl till the end. Yet I wanted to be in bed with him, to be able to live my fantasy, and I did exactly that.

When I snapped out of my lust the result was as expected, I had lost my self-esteem, respect and friendship in more ways than one.  I was guilty of being swayed away by emotions, and indulging with a man whose girlfriend loved him dearly. I was so consumed by my own selfish needs that knowingly I let my lust be bigger than my heart.

This happen a few weeks ago and I’m still trying to find ways to deal with it…

Maybe you can give me some advice and insight on what to do at this point?

Signed

FMS

________________________________________________

Dear FMS,

You know and have all the answers to your own dilemma already…

In fact you KNOW you created your own demise and sadness.

You wrote about blowing right past all the “stop signs”, “warnings”, and knew full well what the consequences would be if you blow past the stop signs.

Its like you even SAW the cop sitting there right on the corner- and said…

“Oh looks like I will get caught but what the hell, I don’t want to stop…”

My guess is Alcohol played a big part in this blowing all the stop signs night. It lowers your inhibitions and the silences that little voice called “conscience” that keeps us from being reckless and throw caution to the wind.

Need a “stop button” on that drinking activity especially when hanging around the opposite sex!

So what to do from here is the next plan…

I was once told GUILT is a useless emotion.

Remorse is about making amends.

Saying your sorry to your friend may or may not repair the damage- but doing nothing is worse.

Cut any forms of communications off with the guys that have girlfriends.

YOU deserve more – and make a pack with yourself, from here forward that this was your life lesson.

You respect yourself too much and are way to worthy, to be with anyone for a one-night stand. YOU deserve to be with a man that considers YOU his ONLY love, HIS girlfriend and is Loyal to you!

You can’t change what already happened.

But you can change how you will conduct yourself in the future.

Forgive yourself and LEARN the lesson and move on.

That’s all you can do.

No matter what anyone tells you…remember we have ALL made mistakes.

And some mistakes will mean that some will not forgive us for those mistakes.

But you must forgive yourself, and take the lesson with you and DON’T repeat the mistake! Have some responsible fun.

And speaking of making the same mistake over again…

A saying comes to mind:

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get, what you have gotten.

Peace out Girl Scout!

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »