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Are You Secretly Judgmental Of Others?

Do you notice that you often secretly judge others?

For example, your sister tells you about a new car she bought and you think, She can’t possibly afford that car on her salary. She’s so irresponsible about money.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

Or your partner leaves his dirty dishes in the sink before heading out to meet his friends and you think, He’s so lazy and sloppy. It drives me bananas.

Throughout the day, every day, you find yourself silently criticizing others.

My co-worker at work has gotten scatter-brained… my neighbor is too nosy… my friend is too self-absorbed with posting selfies on social media…

What does this all mean?

Are you surrounded by people who don’t have their act together?

Is society just falling apart?

Or is this a clue about something way deeper and way more fundamental about YOU?

How Your Relationship With Others Brings Up The Next Biggest Thing You Need To Learn About Yourself

When we judge others or feel our “buttons being pushed” by the things they say and do, we may actually be projecting our feelings onto others.

We are accusing others of the very things we disown or reject about ourselves.

Here’s how it works…

Let’s say you have a fear of rejection that stems from something far back in childhood.

More than likely, you’re unaware of this fear. You haven’t yet acknowledged it. Or you know about it, but reject that it’s an issue.

Your subconscious mind is aware of it, though. And that part of your mind will always seek opportunities to work out this old issue. It will lead you into situations where you can bring that fear into your awareness.

In other words, you will enter into relationships with people who will “trigger” that fear or unacknowledged emotion inside you.

You will attract a relationship where your partner will withdraw, act cold, make plans with his or her friends instead of with you, have a hobby they love that doesn’t (or can’t) involve you, etc.

Instead of causing you to face and accept your fear, their behavior will cause you to be secretly judgmental or critical.

You don’t think, Hmm, I’m feeling afraid that he’s going to abandon me and I’ll be alone again.

Instead you think, He never spends time with me, he’s off having fun instead of fixing these things around the house, he’s wasting money playing golf all day when he should be saving money and spending the day with me.

Another example – let’s say that you consider yourself a neat, tidy and financially conservative person. You keep your home and car clean and you never spend more than you make.

But deep down, you’re really someone who wishes they could forgo responsibility for a while, kick up their feet, and be self-indulgent for a change.

However, you don’t want to admit that to yourself. It’s just not something you accept about yourself, for whatever reason. Maybe in childhood you were rejected for being that way.

Your creative mind will actually draw you into situations where you are around people who seem sloppy, irresponsible and flaky.

And instead of admitting that you’re a little bit like them, you will find yourself secretly complaining about them.

What Do You Need To Accept About Yourself In Order To Love Yourself?

When you don’t, or can’t, acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it’s a sign that deep down, you don’t love yourself.

And if you don’t love yourself, you’ll never feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.

You’ll always find something to complain about, and the people in your life will always seem to be less than perfect, because YOU think you’re less than perfect.

Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and your feelings, you’ll never be able to be fully loved by anyone else, either.

How This One Breakthrough Can Change Your Whole Life

There was a time in my life many years ago when I so badly wanted love and acceptance, but all I did was criticize my (ex) wife and accuse her of being nit-picky and too sensitive.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

I had several other unhappy relationships in my 20s and 30s before I met Katie. I thought women were too critical and too obsessed with talking about feelings. I didn’t fully believe them when they said they loved me or wanted me to be happy.

The truth was, I was out of touch with my own feelings. I wasn’t “sensitive” enough to what my mind and heart wanted and needed. Therefore, I projected those unacknowledged aspects of myself onto others.

I was secretly judgmental.

It wasn’t until I had a major breakthrough in my life where I finally learned how to love myself that all that changed.

I met and fell in love, lost 100 pounds, and exploded my career.

Learning to love yourself in a relationship is seeing that you will create the very situations you need that allow you to experience the parts of yourself you cannot love.

When you do that, you stop seeing the “wrong” in others. You stop being triggered all the time, and you become a less judgmental person.

When you love all of yourself, as if by magic, you will find yourself being completely loved by others.

Peace and Joy this Holiday Season to all

Warmly,

Gail Adams  7 in Heaven Singles Events

www.7inHeaven.com

*Article was originally written by Kate and Gay CLICK HERE to view

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THE NEW RULES OF ATTRACTION

by NINA MALKIN

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that anyone would be a fool not to follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: if you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, you decide to cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules people choose to follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date strategies for finding someone you’ll click with romantically.

ImageOld rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds.

New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates.

“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s convenient to think you can tell whether you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience by sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason? People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can someone truly relax and maybe build some rapport with another person. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term partnering potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is ensuring that each partner’s values coincide — and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off (or fall head over heels) until you’ve done your due diligence.

Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must-have list.”

New ruleImage: A “must-have list” looks great on paper, but it won’t keep you warm at night.

You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary, etc. — but unless you’re building your partner in a lab, you’re almost certainly missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-packs-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to cigarette smoke and eager to start a family… but settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Wish lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your wish list describing your ideal mate as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.

ImageOld rule: Opposites attract.

New rule: Opposites attract and they attack! 

Dating your diametric opposite might mean feeling the surprise of relating to someone really new and different than your usual type, trading lots of challenging banter, and sharing scintillating chemistry — but sustaining a partnership with this person may ultimately prove to be unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life, that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, coauthor of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the home. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?” We’re not saying that you should end up with someone identical to yourself, but ideally, it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).

Old rule: Your date’s taste in music (or movies, or books) mirrors yours — so you must be soul mates.

ImageNew rule: You want to fall in love with a person, not a playlist.

Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you just know it must be love. After all, each of you has seen Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside and out. But don’t confuse having mirror-image tastes with romantic chemistry. In fact, it’s probably better if your interests don’t match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in pursuits that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. “Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her and our’ time,” notes Dr. Fleming. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart — with you doing dips at ballroom dancing class and your date doing the wave at an NBA game, for example.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience.

New rule: Your first kiss is ultimately inconsequential.

In fairy tales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after — no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons Imagewhy a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (like nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) — and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve just been dumped and are looking for validation, perhaps?). “A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes, like shared values,” points out Dr. Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mindblowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two — either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.

Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about the other person constantly.

ImageNew rule: When it’s true love, thinking about the other person makes you feel good.

Hmm, has Willie Nelson’s cover of “Always on My Mind” become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. “Constantly thinking about another person isn’t love, it’s infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,” says Dr. Fleming. Ultimately, it’s a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. “If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust and a strong ‘friendship’ factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,” says Dr. Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person’s emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn’t really want to be yours.

Article written by : Nina Malkin

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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About 65% of the singles that attend my events are divorced. The other 35% are made up of widows and those singles-never married.  Almost all have been in long lengthily relationships or marriages, and suddenly find themselves single. Becoming suddenly single again after a long time is like taking up residency in a foreign country and not speaking the language very well.  So what are the rules in this country anyway?

Now anyone that knows me, I am not a big fan of a bunch of rules I’m a rebel at heart. But one must know the rules first in order to break them!

Now there are no hard, fast rules when it comes to dating. Although if you read the dating book called  “the RULES” these gals will tell you there are some rules women must never break! I read the book and found 70% to be ridiculous and 30% I had to begrudgingly agree with.

So what information do you need most to get out there and start over?  Well for starters do a good assessment of yourself to see if you dealt with all the emotional baggage and feel truly ready to date. If you have forgiven yourself and your past and moved on; you will probably do fine. (You might want to read- * Adjusting, letting go, forgiving after a breakup)

Here are some basics to keep in mind when you start dating again:

1. Be true to yourself first.
Now that you are newly single, try to bring balance to your life. You may be eager to date but don’t forget to make time for yourself as well as spend time with friends and family. Date if you feel ready but don’t make it your whole life.

2. Form new relationships with other single people.
If you don’t already have single friend, then find some. Go to single events with the mindset that if I don’t meet the woman or man of my dreams, finding a new single friend will be very helpful. For single ladies, I hold a monthly singles ladies brunch just for this reason to make new single friends. Your married friends are great, but they can’t always relate to your single status and can’t join you on single adventures. A single woman can never have enough single girlfriends for support and to pal around with. Check our Calendar of Events for the next single ladies brunch by you.

3. One date does not form a relationship.
It’s important to know that everyone you date will not be interested in a second date. Just because you were interested in a second date doesn’t mean they have to be. Don’t let the fact that you don’t get called to go out again, make you want to give up or cause you to think negatively about yourself. Move on to the next person and be willing to go through a process of elimination, which could take some time. Don’t take going out on dates too seriously, that you project your thoughts way to far into the future.

4. Don’t come on too strong.
If you were in a long term marriage then you are used to being part of a couple. Divorce means lots of changing and growing for an individual. Bad habits, new place to live, new friends may all be a part of your new life as a newly single individual. Don’t let the couple habit cause you to come on too strong and chase someone special away. You are dating, not stalking so be careful not to overwhelm.

5. Don’t forget to respect yourself.
Go slowly when it comes to sharing information about yourself with a date. It will convey a sense of self – respect and create mystery. So, keep the details to a minimum until you know they are worthy of hearing them. Leave the details of your divorce at home. It’s a date, not a therapy session.

6. The world is your test tube.
Approach the dating game with an attitude of openness and experimentation. It is possible that every date you go on, could lead you to Mr./Ms. Right but… keep an open mind and your feet planted firmly on the ground and you will at least learn something new on every date you go on.

7. Try something new.
Don’t box yourself in with the idea that you have a “type” that you are attracted to. Change those old thought process, step outside your head and broaden your horizons. You may find that what you thought would make you gag, actually makes you happy. Read- * Dating with a Champagne taste with a Beer pocket

8. Never underestimate the power of flirting.
Nothing is more fun than flirting and nothing helps you connect to another person quicker than being playful. Be charming and delightful, show some vitality. Keep it light and festive, not deep and serious. Keep your mind in the moment and not on the long term goal of falling in love. Read- * Flirting is the ultimate welcome

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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This morning I was searching and searching for my mouse pad.
Spent a good 20 minutes or so, checking here…then checking there… huh! 
Where could it have disappeared to? I gave up the search, and opened my laptop.
POP there it was, found it!
On my keyboard hiding.
It kind of reminded me of the cliche while dating “You always find something when you’re not looking.”When someone is frustrated with their love life search, people love to tell you… “You always find someone when you’re not looking.”
The idea is that relationships only come along when you’re so frustrated that you stop looking, like the universe is taking pity on you or something. And the “advice,” is then translated to just stop looking for a relationship.
This cliche is better translated to  “When you lose something, it’s always in the last place you look.”  Because really when you think about nothing is ever really “lost” its just in another place!

But getting back to the original “You always find someone when you’re not looking” I’ll admit it does have some truth to it—as you’re more likely to find a relationship when you’re not spending 12 hours a day on match.com—

but it’s not because you’ve stopped looking.

The people who seem most attractive are those who seem happy, well-adjusted, confident, and, most important—busy. When someone seems like they have a full and exciting life, other people want to be part of it.
Desperate is never pretty.
As one man once said to me… I can smell desperate from a mile away.

When you “stop looking” (which we will translate as “stop looking desperate”), you’re sending these kinds of signals.  Your life seems so cool and interesting that you’re not going to drop everything to look for a boyfriend, and that’s precisely why guys are going to want to be yours.

So the trick isn’t to stop looking; it’s to make it seem as though you’re not looking   But instead to project a persona that seems too awesome to settle for just anyone, and to market your life as something that everyone should want.

This means not skipping the gym for a date with a guy you met casually at Star Bucks the other day

It means not showing up for singles events and have a bored or mad look on your face because prince charming didn’t ride in that night
or making statements like ” I’m giving up! There is no one one out there “ As if this will attract someone to you right away since you have now stopped looking! 
It means building a life that’s totally fun and fulfilling without the partner, but when a partner does comes along, it means making sure he knows you will be a happy person with or without him.

PS of course you can come on out and have fun while you wait for “the one” at our events with
7 in Heaven, so much to do, something for everyone

See you there!

Warm Regards,

Gail Adams

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804



Personal Matchmaking Services
by  
Gailwww.HeavenlyMatch.net

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So up to this point, there has not been too much

competition in the personal MATCHMAKING services for Long Island

Well that has all changed now…

Heavenly MATCH  is here on Long Island for Matchmaking  services

How many singles are here on Long Island?

Long Island is made up of a very diverse group of people.  As of the 2010, Long Island had a population of 7,568,304 making it the most populated island in any U.S. state or territory! AND in the entire USA 44.1 percent of all U.S. residents 18 and older were SINGLE! So if we do our math correctly… about 333,000 residents of Long Island SINGLE.

Now you might think its easy to find someone with all these singles living in one spot right? Well think again; one person described it to me this way… Imagine you are at a big mall with thousands of people there at one time, how many of those people do you think you would get to meet personally and how many would you actually want to date?

Why would someone hire a matchmaker?

Personal matchmaking takes the tiresome legwork out of dating by outsourcing ‘the search’ for interesting, like-minded individuals that have YOUR same desires at heart. My prior years of experience and background as a head-hunting / corporate recruiter, makes me a sharp judge of character in a mate making me your Perfect Personal Liaison for LOVE!

And our sister company 7 in Heaven Singles Events is a perfect combination for networking and meeting long island singles.

We currently have over 5000 Long Island Singles as members!

What kind of individuals become exclusive clients of matchmakers?Generally most clients are upscale professionals age 28 to 40+ and looking to settle down and start a life with someone for the first time. Other clients are in their 40′s and 50′s and up, established in life, perhaps already have been married prior, and seeking to fulfill their goals of finding the right life partner for the rest of their lives.

Learn more about this new Matchmaking Service by clicking HERE

Check out our GREAT Articles on Dating Advice, Stories and Support on this blog!

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You got to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em,
Know when to walk away, know when to run.

Dear 7 in Heaven ,

I attended SPEED DATING and noticed that two girls left before the end of the event.

I had noticed the one girl when we met for drinks and appetizers just before the speed dating, and I was looking forward to talking with her.

So I was disappointed when she and her friend left midway through the event.

I was wondering if you could, theoretically, shoot her an e-mail and say that there was a guy at the speed dating event that was looking forward to talking with her, and that he’d like to get in touch if she’s interested and you could give her my contact info if she asked, and you can tell her who I was among the guys.

I figure worst case scenario, she’d say she couldn’t care less…

Also.. I didn’t get any “DATE matches” only a few “FRIEND matches” how should I approach (or not approach) these kind of matches?

I appreciate your help and understanding, as well as your advice on this. I know this is not really part of your speed dating service and that other organizers would just wash their hands of any contact with clients outside of answering queries and attending events, so for what is worth, I really appreciate your efforts to help your clients.

Best,

X -Speed Dater

7 in Heaven wrote back…..

OK .. Mr. X- Speed-Dater,


I am first going to give you my opinion about that girl…
Based on first hand experience as :
1. being a woman
2. a dating organizer
3. running these events (hundreds of events) for 4 years

Forget that girl
YES I agree with you – She was NOT the one that wanted to bail it was her Friend- who believed she was better then everyone in the room and convinced her to leave
YES that girl seemed to be taking it all in stride.
But .. chasing after a woman that you did not even had a formal conversation with, will not get you points with a young attractive woman.

It will get you a smile and HER ego boost.
Its not worth the risk.
You have to know when to give it as try and when to walk away.
Walk away on that one. – SHE left.

If she was even slightly interested in anyone she would have contacted me

On the FRIENDS thing..
Again – speaking as a WOMAN..
I can tell you especially young women who have many many choices…
Young women don’t always dive in head first telling you they want a DATE MATCH
Friends is a maybe..
YES.. its a higher risk of being a dead end if you pursue

BUT – if done correctly – it can turn around in your favor

(so this one IS worth the risk in my opinion)
My suggestion on FRIENDS matches is to NOT call direct.
To flirt a little- text or send an email test the waters
Suggest meeting up as FRIENDS for a happy hour Friday night after work
Maybe suggest a bike ride in the park together to “hang out”
Get my drift??
FRIENDS hanging out..
THEN if you go slowly … and don’t look too eager… she may OR MAY NOT … change her mind and start to get more interested.
Either way you either make a new friend OR maybe build into something
the saying is.. best to start off as friends.

Use it

Good luck

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com


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Below is the original post along with some new ADDITIONAL food for thought about how it effects you at SPEED DATING EVENTS

I frequently am asked by the newly single especially the females, “will I feel comfortable going out to one of your events alone? ”

From my own personal experiences, of being a divorced woman re-entering the dating circle, I have always tried to help provide both men and woman attending a 7 in Heaven Speed Dating or activity event, a comfortable and welcoming format for singles to attend alone.

Women in particular feel the most uncomfortable attending alone. I encourage women to attend alone, as this is the best way to make new friends, both male and female. When you are busy socializing with your buddy, you don’t socialize with as many singles. If you alert me when you arrive that you have come alone, I am always glad to introduce you to those that have already arrived. Once a Speed Dating event begins, you will be so busy you won’t even have time to notice you are alone!

The reason I feel so strongly about this comes from one Friday night, a few months after my divorce, and long before I started this singles organization, I found myself wanting to get dressed up and go out on a Friday night, but all of my girlfriends were busy.

I was frustrated; I didn’t want to spend my limited time off without kids watching a movie at home alone.  But what was my alternative?  Go to a bar by myself?

No way!

Then I thought to myself, well single guys do it all the time, why shouldn’t I?

Hmmm…

Visions of me sitting alone and awkwardly at a bar sprung to my imagination.  I envisioned people looking over at me – judging me:  is she Desperate?   Skank?  Alcoholic?  Depressed?  Overwrought with self-consciousness, and not knowing what to do with myself, I’d probably play with my cell phone…

Suddenly – oh phew!  Someone comes over to talk to me!  And yup – it figures.  He’s drunk, homely and overly-convinced I need his company.

Then with all these scenarios running through my mind, I thought how why is it, that at my age, after all the growing and changing since divorcing, I STILLED lack the confidence to TRY doing this alone! Where did my new found confidence go? Why am I still limiting myself??? I don’t have to explain myself to anyone! Truly, no one’s holding me back but me now.

People don’t seem to think anything less of men who are eating alone in a restaurant or at the bar lounge area alone, so I’m not sure why there seems to be a different set of rules for women. It’s kinda shocking to me that we have this double standard! I was one of those people that stereotyped and thought,  “Oh, I would feel so self conscious as a women to go out in public, to a restaurant, in a bar, anywhere by myself.” Then I actually started to ask men and women what they thought of people that went out alone… I thought they would say the person dining alone was “probably out alone because they don’t have any friends”, or “they must have got stood up that’s why they are alone and out”, and yes, a few people did said that, but then just as often, I would get someone that would say “oh, she just wanted to have some time to herself to think ” or  “Her friends were busy that night and she just went out on her own” or “he wanted time to himself, he had a stressful long day and he just wanted to sit there and think.”

Instead, I discovered there were a lot of people that thought: “oh, I wish that were me, to have the guts to go out alone“, and especially the ones who are there with their kids were are dumping food on the ground and splattering things and making noise. They are looking at you sitting there in peace and thinking, “oh, I wish that were me“. Many admired but did not think they could ever have the nerve to go out alone. They look at you and think, “wow, that is wonderful that she can do that.”

Consider this…being single is not a very good idea especially if you will not enjoy your own company. Loneliness and fear of being alone has pushed people to stay in unhealthy relationships. They tolerate wrong company just because they fear public criticism.

And it is the thirst of our co-dependence and not allowing ourselves to be alone, is what actually limits us from making new friends. We quickly jump into new romantic relationship simply because our self-perception is about what society thinks of us being alone.

We should not hesitate to go out alone.

Being single and learning how to go out alone, improves your mental well being to greater heights. To go out alone comfortably, you need to put the stereotypes at the back of your mind. It does not mean that you are a loner, desperado or a loser. You are a liberated single person. It may look or sometimes feel awkward but prepare to go out and have fun just like you would have done if you had company.

Today as you read this article I want you to know that you can be single and fabulous.

True happiness comes from within. Happiness from external sources is gratifying for a little period of time. You should enjoy being with you because much as you might want to deny it, you will be spending most of your life with you. Being single does not necessarily mean that you can’t have fun with yourself!

Improve yourself by being comfortable with yourself at all costs.

Can you go alone to a bar or restaurant?

When I was going through my divorce, I too was wondering where I can go to have fun that doesn’t involve a bar every time ’cause that scene can get old real fast.

When I created 7 in heaven singles events, I particularly wanted to make sure, I would hold my events in Restaurants (not pubs) and also provide alternative places to meet that was not Alcohol focused, so it won’t feel like a bar singles scene.

Keep in mind that being single can be fabulous, and do your best to ignore the fact that you are going out alone.

Once you arrive at a singles event alone, walk in with confidence. Do not feel intimidated in any way. I will help by doing my best, to introduce you to others that have come alone. But I need also need your help here, so try to relax and just enjoy the environment. Do not make a mistake of trying to occupy yourself with other activities like playing video games or reading novels and magazines while you are waiting for the event to begin. It makes you look like you are not open to conversations.

You will be amazed at how many more great people you will meet by going alone, than you would have otherwise met if you were busy chatting it up with a friend. People feel intimidated by groups.

Everyone at the events share the same goal as yours, they desire to be in a fulfilling relationship. But try not to make the emphasis of entire evening of going out alone, on if you meet a man that night. Maybe it should be more about just having some fun, beyond sitting at home, and just make a new friend or two.

Making the very first attempt at going out alone is very healthy.

If a person is interested in you they will feel more comfortable to approach you when you are alone. Have you ever wondered why people go out and meet the lovers of their dreams? It is because they make themselves approachable. If you are entertaining a lousy group of girls just because you do not want to come to the event alone, you might remain single forever. These characters you brought along with you, could very well be your stumbling block to for your love and happiness.

By the way… I did finally did make that first move to go out for the night alone as all my friends that Friday night, as my friends had other plans. I really wanted to see the band that was playing that night down at the Beach Hut, an outdoor Bar/Restaurant on the water near my house. So I told myself “You’re a grown woman, what is the worst that can happen, you show up have a glass of wine, order the Lobster Special, and if it’s not fun you can always leave and go home, don’t be scared!”.

I ended up having a really good time. I even asked a guy to dance w/ me…twice. He was a great dancer! I must say people do feel sorry for you when you are alone. I had several people approach me to ask me if I was alone and ask me to sit w/ them. The ladies at the table next to me asked me to take their picture then I asked them to watch my table when I went to the ladies room and before you know it I was sitting w/ them and had a fabulous time.

Bottom line….Don’t be scared, own it!

 

PART II – why going ALONE to a SPEED DATING event improves your chances too!

It has come to my attention that when several or 2 women attend an event together- the men shy away from “checking them as a YES” on their sheets for Speed Dating. Why? because  guys worry about getting caught up with the Friends thing… if they pick BOTH friends.. then the friends either talk to each other and “decide” who gets him .. OR they both feel a bit slighted because THEY were not specialy selected so they both give him the cold shoulder … GUYS know this ladies!

So.. they go for the lady that came by herself instead.

Go out alone. It is such a great experience.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
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Who makes the first move?

At our dating workshop 4/7/11 lead by Joe Fallarino of STAR COACHING, we discussed the topic CONFIDENT DATING TECHNIQUES and surprisingly enough, there were more men in attendance then females.

Joe brought and discussed some information supplied by the book “THE RULES”. This book was written by two women with some out of touch and outdated ideas about dating, yet also includes some very real rules still alive for dating.

Joe stated it was OK for a woman to make the first move, and the men in the room all seem to be agreeing with Joe!

I somewhat disagreed, siting that “men were from Mars” and cavemen at heart. MEN are hunters and seekers, love the chase and don’t have respect or pay much attention the the women that chase them.

Joe then polled the room of men and I asked the ladies their opinion.  Joe’s response from the guys was unanimous – all said they LIKED it when a woman made the first move. In fact one went to say it was sexy!

Now, I am kind of old school on this one, so I was surprised to see this reaction.

But I thought sure… guys like it if we make the first move, as they no longer have to worry about rejection! We women are now are put in that position. And another thought ran through my mind… only lazy or shy men will let women make the first move or how desperate a woman might be perceived by making the first move. Oh so complicated it seemed to be!

Then Joe made a simple statement – how about NO RULES?

Yes we need to think about our “moves” and respect each others space. It is somewhat like a game of chess each taking a turn after making a move. It doesn’t matter who makes the first move or the 2nd move, but that we wait after a move to see what the reaction was to make the next move.

Oh I forgot to mention that the men that said it was a turn on if the woman made the first move, also added- ONLY if they were attracted to that women. So, if they were not attracted they would be flattered but wouldn’t make a 2nd move.

Pursuing too hard, too fast will make the other person run no matter who makes the first move!

So go ahead ladies, take some initiative when some man interests you. Maybe by doing that you will stand out from the crowd! I provide both cell numbers (texting) and emails for the soft approach of contacting for the first time.

I got a call the other day to once again back this theory up, from a guy saying he was “impressed” Julie called him after the event to get together! And now he was going to check it out and take her out on a date

But ladies, let me still caution you, don’t make more then ONE move or one attempt on that first move or the table will turn. Best to go by my old rule of  “ no answer is an answer” and move on.

Anyone with some stories or opinions out there?


Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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BIG NEWS….
VOTED LONG ISLAND’S BEST DATING SERVICE on LI
 

will be hosting the FIRST  
Long Island Millionaire SPEED DATING Event!

The Date will be in June 2011 and held at a fine Nassau County location. MEN will be verified Millionaires, and women will also be screened and have to be approved to attend this event. Stay Tuned for all details to follow in the next few weeks.
And speaking of the Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti has accomplished this fine art quite well. She likes to call it “POWER DATING” instead of Speed Dating, since the candidates are pre-screened.

From PATTI the Millionaire MATCHMAKER..
Tips for SPEED DATING!
Use these words of wisdom to help you rate the speed daters.
Then watch the dates HERE from the Millionaire Matchmaker Show!

1. Don’t be a flaw finder.
Patti Says: “Most people can’t find love because they overanalyze, they’re ultra picky, and they find things wrong in people. We call them flaw finders.”

2. Avoid bringing personal baggage to the table.
Patti Says: “In the beginning, it is best not to bring up any of your deep personal issues; your date is not your therapist.”

3. Be engaging.
Patti Says: “The conversation should become a ping-pong match, with the gentleman serving and the lady responding with information about herself when he asks. Respond to questions with positive energy and enthusiasm, and stay on neutral subjects like the arts and current events. Witty banter is very important. Ask interesting questions, be a good listener as well as an active participant.”

4. Avoid discussion of other romantic relationships.
Patti Says: “Men and women don’t want to hear about their competition. Focus on the date at hand.”

5. Go easy on the booze.
Patti Says: “Although it may be very tempting, in order to relax, drinking more than two alcoholic beverages could cloud your judgment. Stay clear and focused, and never allow yourself to become sloppy or drunk.”

6. If you’re interested, show some interest!
Patti Says: “Don’t play hard to get … Your date likes genuine compliments just as much as you do (maybe even more) so don’t be afraid to tell them that they’re attractive, interesting or funny.”

7. Mind your manners.
Patti Says: “I don’t care who or what you are. If you treat your date like crap, you’re a narcissist, you’re a bragosaurus, you’re out.”

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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This one is for all the ladies out there, that think there are no good guys left. There are plenty of them ladies! Here’s some food for thought on how you might be turning away opportunities by not being open minded.

Dear Gail:

I attended one of your SPEED DATING events and received a date match from that event.

The next day I sent the following email to the date match:

Hi Henrietta,

You and I had a  ‘speed-date’ with 7-in-heaven and since I am not that experienced at this speed dating thing, and have trouble sorting and keeping notes during/after

the ‘date’,  I have just a composite image and details about you. So let’s get together to fill in the details of each of our lives. Maybe we can be friends or…more?

I’ll call you in the next couple of days to work out a convenient time to get together for coffee, tea or light meal and some interesting conversation.

Looking forward to continuing the conversation.

Cordially,

Jake

I called Henrietta a day after that email, she answered and said she is just about to have dinner, she’ll call back and then, it seemed to me, she abruptly hung up!  AND she did not call later.

OK, I thought, let’s try again, you never know what’s going on in another person’s life – I’m trying not to judge.

I called again the next day, left message on cell phone. To date no return call.

Gail, I know men and women communicate in different ways and sometime don’t communicate at all and/or there is much potential for miscommunication, please review the above and give me the benefit of your view on what’s taking place here.

These real life dramas are like a chapter out of your relationship BLOG!

Warmly,

JAKE

————————————————————————————

Dear Jake,

I am a straight shooter! Tell it like it is and based on what you wrote I would like to make this suggestion.

You seem like a low-key, easy going guy JAKE, and would best mesh with someone LIKE you.
Henrietta is a very attractive woman and has a lot of choices as a very pretty woman.
If I had to guess... I would say she was not impressed – that you didn’t EXACTLY know who she was- she may feel she should have STOOD OUT from all the rest, how could you NOT know?

Now, someone more down to earth, practical, would appreciate your honesty and know that they TOO could easily forget some details after meeting a group of people.
This gal, instead of being honest with you, decided to do the age old “blow him off by being unavailable” routine.

You did everything right. It just wasn’t a match, or she is checking out other options available from the event.

No answer is an answer, whether it is from a man or a woman.
Women do tend to be less upfront, as we Venus people… don’t like to hurt feelings so we ladies somehow think no answer is kinder.
BUT MARTIANS prefer a straight up – no thanks answer.

Ah yes, the differences of men and women.

Let this one go, you need to be with someone that is more understanding like yourself.

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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At my SPEED DATING EVENTS, I give 2 types of “matches”
one is a “DATE MATCH” which of course everyone wants! That is the one you sit down with and there is no doubt you want to see this person again. The WOW effect.
Hopefully they feel the same way too!
But life isn’t always so black and white.
Sometimes the best loves are developed or cultivated by patience and persistence. SO I provide a second option which is a “FRIENDS MATCH”.

I am asked frequently and with no surprise… mostly from the gentlemen: what does a FRIENDS MATCH mean?
Well, it is someone that you met for only 7 minutes. Someone with whom you thought was just OK on first impression, and is somewhat interested…but not quite sure about a “DATE” quite yet.

What I suggest is “go slow” with the friends matches.

Meaning, make a connection or invitation on Facebook.
OR invite to meet on a Friday after work at a favorite happy hour place.
Send an email instead of a phone call to make connections.

She or He will either warm up- or not.

The person may become more and more interested if we stick it out a bit.

Of course it could go the other way too!

But nothing ventured nothing gained.

To check out this weeks events CLICK HERE

 

Lots of fun creative ways to enjoy life, make friends and fall in love!

All the best on your quest!

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!


visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Everyone has to learn to simply just stop being so disappointed…

That’s what one single gentleman recently had to say when he heard the buzz around the room from a few overeager singles. Their expectations for the evening were way beyond reality.

YES, having desires hopes and dreams is what keeps us alive, moving and aspiring. But when you don’t keep a balance and expect too much in too little amount of time, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

I often give the example that if you were to walk into Vegas for the first time, do you really think you can walk over to the first slot machine, throw in a few dollars and win BIG on the first spin?

Yes… it could happen just that way- you could win big on the first try. We all have heard stories about this. But we all know that certainly is not the average, every day occurrence.

Same goes for our search for the one.

It will happen for you, when, where and how is not in our control. What we can do is adjust the odds a bit. The more creative ways we seek to put ourselves out there, and the amount of time we are willing devote and participate meeting other single people, will greatly increase your odds of making your search a short one.

Creative and fun activities with the right mindset are a great way to pass the time, while waiting to meeting someone. Go to an event with the intention of having a good time, with a possible bonus of meeting someone. Step outside of your comfort zone and venture into some new locations. We have many new locations and types of events coming up, include SPEED DATING, Halloween party, Board Game night, Bike riding and many other ways to interact and make new single friends.

Check out our Calendar of events.

However, no one should ever expect instant results out of any singles event.

Having a variety of different ways to meet someone will help with burnout, which is what develops when we spend too much time at trying to meet someone.

That’s when you need to take a short vacation from finding the one, but don’t give up!

There is something to the old saying  “you will find it when you least expect it”

Set your intention to find someone, but don’t hold on too tightly to it.

Constantly expecting and concentrating too hard on will make you burn out, and start to feel like you’re just beating your head against a brick wall.

How to tell is you have reached the burnout point?

If you find you can’t remember the last time you went on a really good date, it’s a sign that you are getting burned out on the whole experience, or worse, that all your dates really have been bad. Either way, you probably ought to stop dating for a while to get yourself together and figure out what the problem is.

Here’s another sign you need to try something different: when all your conversations start to sound the same. It happens to everyone that dates regularly. This is because dating is a test, people judge one another, and so they find it necessary to play it safe by saying the same things or repeating the same types of dates over and over. But playing it safe doesn’t provide much stimulation.

 

Also if you have the belief system that you will never find what you’re looking for, then its time to take a step back. If the point of dating is to meet someone that you hope will be the one, that you can love and will love you, and then if you stop believing this will happen, then all of your future dates become pointless. Taking a new direction, and a new approach and hopefully help you gain some new perspective and possibly a more hopeful outlook.

If this is where you are today, don’t beat yourself up because you haven’t found the love relationship you so ardently desire. Even the best boxer in the world sometimes has to go down for the count before he can get back up and start fighting again.

Stop making decisions about whether to go to any particular event based on how many single men or women might be there. Accept your state of singleness and enjoy all the good things about it. Use this time to improve yourself, pamper yourself.

Be secure in the knowledge that you – yourself are enough and don’t need anyone else to be happy. Then when you do attend a single event you will be more attractive and confident open  (less desperate and needy) and will probably meet a great partner in no time!

All the best on your quest!

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

or visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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About 65% of the singles that attend my events are divorced. The other 35% are made up of widows and those singles-never married.  Almost all have been in long lengthily relationships or marriages, and suddenly find themselves single. Becoming suddenly single again after a long time is like taking up residency in a foreign country and not speaking the language very well.  So what are the rules in this country anyway?

Now anyone that knows me, I am not a big fan of a bunch of rules I’m a rebel at heart. But one must know the rules first in order to break them!

Now there are no hard, fast rules when it comes to dating. Although if you read the dating book called  “the RULES” these chicks will tell you there are some rules women must never break! I read the book and found 70% to be ridiculous and 30% I had to begrudgingly agree with.

So what information do you need most to get out there and start over?  Well for starters do a good assessment of yourself to see if you dealt with all the emotional baggage and feel truly ready to date. If you have forgiven yourself and your past and moved on; you will probably do fine. (You might want to read- * Adjusting, letting go, forgiving after a breakup)

Here some basics to keep in mind when you start dating again:

1. Be true to yourself first.
Now that you are newly single, try to bring balance to your life. You may be eager to date but don’t forget to make time for yourself as well as spend time with friends and family. Date if you feel ready but don’t make it your whole life.

2. Form new relationships with other single people.
If you don’t already have single friend, then find some. Go to single events with the mindset that if I don’t meet the woman or man of my dreams, finding a new single friend will be very helpful. For single ladies, I hold a monthly singles ladies brunch just for this reason to make new single friends. Your married friends are great, but they can’t always relate to your single status and can’t join you on single adventures. A single woman can never have enough single girlfriends for support and to pal around with. Check our Calendar of Events for the next single ladies brunch by you.

3. One date does not form a relationship.
It’s important to know that everyone you date will not be interested in a second date. Just because you were interested in a second date doesn’t mean they have to be. Don’t let the fact that you don’t get called to go out again, make you want to give up or cause you to think negatively about yourself. Move on to the next person and be willing to go through a process of elimination, which could take some time. Don’t take going out on dates too seriously, that you project your thoughts way to far into the future.

4. Don’t come on too strong.
If you were in a long term marriage then you are used to being part of a couple. Divorce means lots of changing and growing for an individual. Bad habits, new place to live, new friends may all be a part of your new life as a newly single individual. Don’t let the couple habit cause you to come on too strong and chase someone special away. You are dating, not stalking so be careful not to overwhelm.

5. Don’t forget to respect yourself.
Go slowly when it comes to sharing information about yourself with a date. It will convey a sense of self – respect and create mystery. So, keep the details to a minimum until you know they are worthy of hearing them. Leave the details of your divorce at home. It’s a date, not a therapy session.

6. The world is your test tube.
Approach the dating game with an attitude of openness and experimentation. It is possible that every date you go on, could lead you to Mr./Ms. Right but… keep an open mind and your feet planted firmly on the ground and you will at least learn something new on every date you go on.

7. Try something new.
Don’t box yourself in with the idea that you have a “type” that you are attracted to. Change those old thought process, step outside your head and broaden your horizons. You may find that what you thought would make you gag, actually makes you happy. Read- * Dating with a Champagne taste with a Beer pocket

8. Never underestimate the power of flirting.
Nothing is more fun than flirting and nothing helps you connect to another person quicker than being playful. Be charming and delightful, show some vitality. Keep it light and festive, not deep and serious. Keep your mind in the moment and not on the long term goal of falling in love. Read* Flirting is the ultimate welcome

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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You may have heard me say once or twice… yes people do connect at my events.

However, I do not credit myself with being a matchmaker, I am simply an event planner creating the environment for singles to have fun while giving them opportunities to meet someone.

I consider the actual occurrence of bringing individuals together, the work of the universe.

One never knows exactly when the circumstances and people we hope for will enter our lives.

Many things play a part in the timing in finding our soul mate.  We must take the time to meet new people, and make connections yet stay positive even if the person was not  “the one” that evening we went out to explore.

Our attitude, and openness play a big part in the whole process, as well as how much time we spend and effort we allow ourselves to do the necessary social networking.

When it will happen for you? That is one of life’s mysteries.

But one thing is for sure… unless the pizza delivery girl or boy is your dreamboat, you won’t meet someone sitting at home!

Never give up, and always have faith.

Below is an untouched note from two singles that made a great connection at my speed dating event held on Long Island.

Gail

————————————————————————————————————-

7/2/2010

Dear Gail,

I know that Jack already e-mailed you a few weeks ago but I wanted to offer my thanks to you also for running such a great service.

I am truly believing I found the “mythical unicorn” in Jack.  I was beginning to think that wonderful men (the mythical unicorns) didn’t exist, at least for me. You hear about them, some claim to have seen them, but it’s still a myth to you and, frankly, a girl’s gotta see it with her own eyes.  I gave speed dating a shot figuring that if someone was going to schedule a time and plunk down a few dollars to meet someone, maybe they’d actually be looking for something real.  I was hopeful, yet guarded.  Along comes Jack, with everything I ever hoped for in a man.  Kindness, awesome humor, talent, brains, compassion, emotional availability, gentlemanly, considerate, passionate and responsible (and more!), all tied up in an impressive package (topped with an incredible smile) that is easy to get along with and brings real joy to my life.  My friends are astounded at how I found this “mythical unicorn” and are spreading the word about how good speed dating really can be.  🙂  If you didn’t bring this service to Long Island, I’d still be searching.  Thank you so much for putting this all together, you’ve changed our lives.

Peggy

————————————————————————————————–

Here is JACK’s note sent a few months ago….

5/27/2010 – 8:46 AM

Dear Gail,

Peggy and I really hit it off, and I wanted to thank you.  I feel like a kid again.

I also wanted to tell you that I think Speed Dating is the best invention since sliced bread.  For people like me, who don’t do well just walking up to strangers in bars (or elsewhere), it is a way to meet more people in one night than I might otherwise meet in years. Peggy is a computer geek (like me), likes the same entertainment that I do, and we also share a similar sense of humor and outlook on life.

Thanks again,

Jack

____________________________________________________________

Thank you Jack and Peggy for sharing with me so I can pass this along to those curious and shy but have not taken the steps yet…. that good things do happen when we dare to step outside the box!

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
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visit the web site to check out our fun
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A new single client called me and explaned she was newly singles and would like to find alternative ways to meet singles rather then the bar scene.  We briefly went over 7 in Heaven’s Current Calendar of Events and when she realized this particular weekend, was not either too far from her home, or not in her age group…

She went on to say….

I know it may not be in your best interest to suggest other things to do, as I know you run this great singles organization with a ton of things to do, but could you possibility suggest of any other ways to meet singles?

I said  “SURE!

There are many ways to meet new single friends not just at single events or online dating! And no…I am not afraid or concerned about you knowing where or what else to do beside my singles events!”

Yes…we do have a jammed packed calendar of events, but sometimes it still won’t fit every single persons agenda or location for every weekend.

I have always told my clients never to put all your eggs in one basket.

Try everything!

Single events, online dating, let your friends try to setting you up on blind dates, join clubs, talk to strangers in the store (I know your momma told your otherwise, but trust me, its ok now and will open new doors! )

So where can you find these clubs to join?

Well a really good place to start online is http://www/MEETUP.com

There you will find just about everything that interests you! Like to learn how to fly a stunt kite? There is a club for you! How about hiking? Or Bike riding? Dance Lessons? There are hundreds of “meetup” groups to join and to check out. Now … not everyone in many of the groups will be single, BUT don’t let that stop you from going alone! Many couples are very happy to suggest their single neighbor to introduce you to, or maybe it will just be a fun day out for you not alone. With no pressure of having expectations of meeting someone!

Another great way to get out there and make some great new friends is doing Volunteer or attending Charity events!

There are countless charities around that would love for you to offer your time. Volunteer at the local animal shelter or nursing home for a warm fuzzy feeling that you can share together.

During the Holiday season everyone thinks of doing charity work, but what about now? People need help all year round and for those singles that are dealing with a recent death or breakup / separation the transition of making these life changing experiences can be challenging.
Best simple suggestion to help you feel a little better during this adjustment period is Volunteer / Donate to help those less fortunate.

Check out: Island Harvest or Singles for Charities

There you will find a good start to find places and activities to volunteer while making some new friends that will stimulate and amuse you. And if you think about it, those that are caring and willing to give without expecting in return are exactly the kind of people you would like to date! Not everyone you meet will be single but so what?  It’s all about “networking” that may open new doors, leading you to new single people!

And speaking of networking…

Networking itself is another great way to meet people.

What is networking?

It’s a free social event to bring small business owners, entrepreneurs, sales people or non-profit organizations together to help each other.

(Some organizations do have membership fees)

Maybe you have a hobby or talent you would like to promote? Promoting that talent or hobby works at networking too!

I belong to 2 groups in particular that I found to be welcoming and friendly making it easy to be comfortable with everyone.

Long Island Entrepreneurs run by Yvonne

516 / 631 Ads and Networking run by David

Doing many different things to expand your world while seeking a new partner will make any search shorter because time flies while you are having a good time.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
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One of the funniest lines I ever heard about dating was something Chris Rock once said:   “When you date…have you ever notice when you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their “representative”. Then after a about 3 months you meet the REAL Candidate”

 ______________________________________________________

Dear Gail:

I wanted to give you some background on me, and possible you could give me some advice. I have been in the “dating” world for the last 10-years now, and I have not much luck keeping a man in my life for more than a 3-month relationship. Various reasons for this, all BS, but reasons nonetheless — or excuses rather. For example some of the breakup excuses have been:
“You are too good to be with a jerk like me.” (huh?)
“I respect you too much to be dating you casually.” (Did I say I wanted a serious relationship!??)
“You are the type I would take home to my mom, and right now I just want to get laid.” (dude, I never said I wanted to meet your mom!)
“How can you want to date me knowing it’s not going to last? What is the point?” (Urrr…nothing lasts forever, and whatever happened to enjoying the present?)
“I am scared of commitment.” (I don’t want to marry you!)
“It’s not you, it’s me.” (One of my all time favorites)

I’ve had the  “I’m really still in love with my ex” thing, The mutual break-up “you know …we like each other but not enough to keep dating” this one is one of  the cleanest cut ways out.

However, what might be interesting to note is that all these guys went on to have serious relationships after me. I don’t know what to think of that, and maybe I rather not think about it at all.
Maybe I was too easy to catch.

Maybe I shouldn’t have played those stupid games that everyone plays.

Maybe I gave too much too soon.

Maybe I didn’t give enough.

Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten involved with each other in the first place.

Who knows?

It seems like the minute it’s more painful than fun, you get out.

But, when the pattern repeats itself on numerous occasions, repeats you can’t help but wonder.

Anyway, below are the thought process I have held onto that has help me deal with this 3 month cycle of dating:
– You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to: if someone doesn’t want to be with you there is no convincing him into it.
– It’s all about personal growth: whether in or out of an involvement with someone, as long as you’ve grown in some way (together or apart), it was worth it.
– Nobody dies of a broken heart: you fall, you get up, you dust off, you move on.
– Everything happens for a reason.

Someone once told me that you attract what you are ready for.

Maybe subconsciously this is all I have ever been ready for?

A short- term relationship ready for the moment?

Or, have I been missing something to prevent the long term commitment I am seeking?

Single forever?

“Sam”

________________________________________

Dear Sam,

To avoid finding yourself in this situation, I am going to tell you loudly to STOP what you are doing and step back s-l-o-w-l-y. Dating goes through stages. If you try to avoid one of the stages, problems may develop in the relationship, which may result in you or your partner ending the relationship. When you recognize what stage of dating the relationship is in, you will understand what is called for or needed in order to move through that stage and onto the next stage.

It requires patience and understanding.

Month One: The Meeting

The purpose of stage one is to determine if there is enough physical attraction, chemistry, commonality and interest to warrant dating. For some people, it may take a couple of meetings to determine if they want to date a particular person. Decision to continue will come as long as both parties find each other interesting and fun to be with, and physically attracted to.

Month Two: Dating

Month two is the romantic stage and during this stage both of you want to spend increasingly amounts of time together. People often describe this stage as feeling physically attracted or infatuated with the other person. Because two people are having fun and really attracted to each other. Sometimes they tend to overlook those cute irritants (I call it Rose Color Glasses) of their partner in order to focus on the strong attraction and the positive feelings. But… without this stage of intense infatuation, a relationship can’t move on to the next stage. So if you and your partner are on two different pages with regard to your feelings for each other, it is best for you to be patient and wait for you partner to catch up. Doing this demonstrates to your partner that you are caring, patient and supportive. Too needy or too distance will drive the person further away.

Month Three: The “RELATIONSHIP”

Month three is where differences between the couple begin coming to the surface and it’s usually means make or BREAK in relationship.  Now the focuses are on how the two of you work through disagreements, differences of opinions and ideas as well as different approaches and issues about sex, communication and commitment. It is also an opportunity to both learn and use problem-solving skills with your partner. Arguing in a relationship is not the problem. The problem arises when couples don’t know or use healthy skills to resolve conflict. Stage three is also an opportunity to build a deeper relationship with your partner as each of you recognizes that you are loved and accepted for being your true self. This is where trust develops in a relationship.

Month Six: Independence and Interdependence

Month six is a when the couple learns how to be a couple and still maintain a level of independence within the relationship. During this period of time the couple begins to incorporate their previous relationships skills and fun interests into the couple relationship. For some people the fear of their partner wanting to socialize without them, triggers feelings of insecurity, or fear of an imminent ending to the relationship. If this is the case, the partner with the insecurity does not address his or her own issues, the result maybe unintended break-up. Of course there could be dozens of other reasons too, that why “dating is about discovery”.

One Year: Healthy Commitment

If you reach the one year stage is where the individuals are willing to make decisions about a long term commitment with one another. By now hopefully the couple has built a foundation on trust, honesty and integrity. For some this may lead to marriage for others this means being in a monogamous relationship.

Since you have trouble moving on past the third month, my suggestion to you is to slow down and allow your boyfriend time to realize his feelings for you are deeper than just friends. This won’t happen by you pointing it out to him. It will happen by him going through the stages at his own pace.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
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In real estate, there is a term for how appealing a property is to a given prospect driving by it.  They call it curb appeal.  Some houses the prospect looks at and thinks, ”Boy  would I love to live there!”  Other houses get a response, “Well, I guess I could live there if I had to.”

High curb appeal sells your house.

Low curb appeal has to reduce price tag or spruce up to sell.

In dating, it is just the same.  Dating consultants, call it a person’s romantic market value.

As with all things involving human beings, romantic market value is a rather complex issue.  Physical appearance, fitness, grooming, attire, posture and speech are components of it, so too are less tangible factors involving social status, ascribed status, social skills and presentation skills.  What is important in a dating is that you present to prospective dates the best possible package of attributes that you realistically can.

To accomplish this, you have to start out with a fairly accurate picture of how others are going to perceive you.  This is not something that you can do by yourself.  Very few of us are capable of accurately assessing ourselves (the good or the bad).  and this is not something that your friends can do for you.  According to them, you are fine just the way you are.  They lie.  You need to hear the things they are afraid to tell you as well as the things you really do not want to hear.  You need a knowledgeable professional assessment.  Get such assessment.  When you have it, go through it thoughtfully and correct the things that you can correct.

TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE AND INCREASE YOUR ROMANTIC MARKET VALUE

Probably, the deficiencies that you most shy away from correcting, are the ones you really should put your effort into correcting.  Things like losing weight, getting fit, developing outside interests, optimizing your wardrobe, learning to dance, addressing better grooming are things can do for yourself with a small extra effort, time and expense.  Making these self improvements (sprucing up) will make your life better and give you a huge competitive edge in dating. Keeping in mind no pain no gain…that virtually all growth is painful.  Do not expect to accomplish these kinds of transformational changes overnight.  It is too easy to cop out, drop out, give up.  Work with a support group or a professional coach who will keep you focused, encourage your efforts and hold you accountable.  The money that you spend will be a constant spur to keep you from giving up and they will push you to be your best.  You will whine, snivel and complain but you will make progress.  The goal is not to make you into something that you aren’t but to make you the best you that you can be.

Try attending our monthly DATING SUCCESS WORKSHOP’S to get you started!

Click here CLICK HERE for more details on this week’s workshop

AND we have started a new weekly fun exercise event on Wednesday starting in JUNE  ~ WE FIT WEDNESDAYS’

Yoga on the Beach, Belly dancing, Zumba and more!

See our calendar of events http://www.7-in-heaven.com/calendar.html

ABSOLUTELY REJECT THE IDEA THAT YOU ARE A VICTIM

If you let them, frustration and pain from your past relationships will poison your new relationships.  It is easy to get caught up in ideas like “my boyfriend was an asshole” or “I keep running into nothing but certified bitches”.  The truth is, we always have a certain amount of culpability in these scenarios. Assigning blame is an utterly useless concept, whereas understanding what caused our past failures helps us avoid repeating the same insanity.  It may be hard, but avoid thinking that anyone, other than yourself, caused your unhappiness.  Own your own life, the successes and the failures.  You need to take a look at what you did or did not do that invited the outcomes that you experienced.  When you have an answer that you are comfortable with, go back and think some more.   It is the first step to not repeating the same old mistakes.  Work through these things and drain the emotional poison that will effect how dating partners will or will not be drawn to you.

MORE IS NOT BETTER — BETTER IS BETTER

Do not confuse dating a lot with dating successfully.  Dating practice is essential, but innumerable wrong dates are infinitely less valuable that a few right ones. Do not feel that you have to be constantly dating.  Constantly going on unproductive dates wastes your emotional, psychological and physical capital.  Save it for those instances where you feel that you have the most chance for a successful outcome.  When you go out on a date, you are investing your time, money, energy and emotional vulnerability.  Be selective.  In the movie Three to Tango, there is a great line.   The heroine asks the guy, “so have you ever kissed a girl?” and he replies, “Never the right one.”  A certain amount of experience is critical, but beyond that point, it does not matter how many people you have kissed, it only matters when you kiss the right one.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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A few weeks ago, we talked about how being a cheapskate isn’t pretty and won’t win you over. However, dating during these tough economic times can be expensive. Below are some great new date ideas you can do for $20 or less! They will still impress without having to overdraw your bank account. Yes, it’s the thought that counts!

1.  Hit the great outdoors
Nature offers us so many places to enjoy a lot of the time for no charge whatsoever. Take her to the beach for some fun in the sun, or a short hike through a local reserve, or a bike ride enjoyed by a stream or waterfall. Pair this with a simple picnic basket prepared and you will have won her over. Try the Massapequa preserves to Bethpage park for bike riding, Muttontown Preserves for a great nature walk. Jones Beach is great with it’s boardwalk or any of the town ocean beaches along ocean parkway after 5pm free to park. Cedar and Overlook in the town of Babylon and Eastern Suffolk Beaches have live bands at The Beach Huts

2. Play chef for the night
The internet is full of free recipes from every corner of the globe. Find out what type of cuisine she or he likes best and plan to cook something that will excite. You can share the total experience by cooking together and enjoy the fruits of your labor, or do it by yourself and treat them like a queen (or prince) and make it a surprise!

*Try this out on date number #3 or more…

It might be a bit too forward to invite her over on the first date!

Check out: Romantic Date Recipes and Tips for Cooking for a DATE

Or good old Betty Crocker Dinner made easy

3. Get some culture
Many Long Island towns have free events especially over the weekends and in the evenings. Art Shows, Book Readings, Street Theatre and Comedy Shows are just some easy to find entertainment ideas.

Try checking this site Life on Long Island to see what current Art, Street Festivals, Comedy and other events are happening on LI.

For a great coffee/culture date try The Witches Brew in W. Hempstead, Pisces Cafe in Babylon or the Tic Toc Cafe in St. James, both are very artsy / bohemia or The CUP Coffeehouse in Wantagh which has live music on WED, FRI and SAT, Psychic readers on Mondays and Art displays and book readings. Check the schedule.

4. Be do-gooders
There are countless charities around that would love for you to offer your time. Volunteer at the local animal shelter or nursing home for a warm fuzzy feeling that you can share together. Check out: Island Harvest or Long island Charities Events

5. Reinvent the movies
If its possible, try moving your TV out of your living room or your lap top computer and into a new environment like the patio! Grab a DVD and you can be sharing popcorn and a fantastic night with your date enjoying a movie under the stars in your garden.

*Again… better for a 2nd or 3rd date before inviting back to your place.

6. Satisfy her sweet tooth
Girls love chocolate. You can make it an adventure to discover some quaint dessert or candy stores. A cupcake or cookies whilst sitting in your local park is a cheap and easy way to impress. Or how about some ice cream?

Try Newsday’s page on Where to get great Icecream or Best LI Chocolate Shops and best cupcake-boutiques on long island

7. Board games
Most of us were brought up with board games in the pre internet/ Nintendo/ Playstation era. Playing Scrabble, Checkers and Monopoly often brings back fun memories of summer break and school holidays. Plus it gives you face to face interaction!

*Warning: be careful not to scare her if you have an ultra competitive personality.

Play at your place or try meeting at a Panera Bread

8. Take a tour of a local brewery or winery
Many wineries are set in beautiful green vineyards and offer free wine tastings. This is the picturesque backdrop to a perfect afternoon.

Martha Clara Vineyards Riverhead – this is a favorite of mine, they have very creative special events on the weekends and weekdays very inexpensive too!

PINDAR LI North Folk  Peconic – Saturday and Sunday afternoons from Memorial Day weekend until the end of October, bring a picnic lunch and enjoy live music overlooking the vineyards. Music begins at 1:00 and ends at 5:00; pavilion closes at 6:00.

Blue Point Brewery of Patchogue – Beer Brewing Tours and Tasting Sat 12pm – 7pm

And if you are in search of someone to take on a special date, don’t forget about SPEED DATING which is also a relatively cheap way of meeting multiple people with minimal costs. Check our Current Schedule for an event in your age group and location.

It just goes to show that when it comes to fun dating ideas, a little planning and imagination can go a long way to impress.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Last week we talked about how especially in the dating world, first impressions are forever and lasting.  It’s also equally as rough when you thought your first impression absolutely wooed the dude, yet he never calls you again. Sigh… Luckily for us, this week, a frisky pair from one of our events clued me in some of the reasons why he or she won’t be going out on that second date!

While cell phone manners, a lack of physical attraction, talking too much about yourself, and blatant pre-date lies definitely apply to both genders for a NO WAY… there are some specific reasons for why a GUY won’t get a chance at getting to 2nd base with a girl, or maybe even the time of day again!

And LADIES, if the phone doesn’t ring again, below you will find some real eye openers on why a guy won’t be calling back.

Ladies FIRSThere is 12 reasons why she isn’t going to come back for round two guys! There is no particular order mind below, all it takes is one or two of these gentlemen and you are done!

1. You’re Way Too Into Me: We’re all nervous about being liked on a first date, but nothing will scare us faster guys then when you are proposing marriage before the bread basket has arrived. Too much too fast makes me want to put on the brakes, get out and start running. Had you given me the chance to get to know you a bit, I might have been willing to say “sure I will marry you and no prenups for us!”

(well on second thought… maybe not)

2. You Drank Too Much: I would say this applies equally for both sides of the gender fences…Alcohol may help relax the initial first-date jitters. But no matter what, WASTED is not pretty and slurring isn’t sexy.

3. You’re Way Too Touchy-Feely: This behavior often goes hand in hand with #2. Most women want to get the sense that you respect us before we give you the green light (aka get naked with you), But if you’re already pawing at my butt, doing your best to out your hands all over me and we haven’t even kissed yet, expect a swift kick to the lower region on the date and a no answer on that next day call to me.

4. Bad Table Manners: A friend of mine once went out on a date with a guy who dunked his finger in his drink and then sucked the liquid off to show how sexy he was. Um, YUCK! Needless to say, there was no date #2.

5. You Didn’t Offer To Buy Me a Drink: I’m going to put this one as simple as possible and in one word…. CHEAP. Yes… when I become your girlfriend there will be times, we will be going Dutch. But if you invite me to meet you on a first date meeting in a bar and you don’t offer to get me even one drink, you’re a cheapskate. And there is nothing more unattractive then a cheap “what’s in it for me if I spend it one you” kinda man.

6. You Twittered In My Presence: Twittering while we’re on our first date? Busy texting, answering cell phone calls, won’t gain you any brownie points for having so many friends…instead it will mean one less new one.

7. Wandering or No Eye Contact:

I can’t trust you if you can’t look me in the eyes. Or worse, you seem more interested in eyeing the waitress. Even if it’s just from nerves, I don’t know if you’re anxious or a serial killer. Either way, you’re showing a serious lack of confidence. Big no no…

8. You Make Lots Of Big Declarative Statements About What You’re Looking For: Sounds more like you just want someone that will sit and look pretty, speak only when prompted with no opinion at all. Have you thought about getting a dog instead of a girlfriend? Don’t get me wrong; I want to know what kinds of things are important to you. But if you’re going down a checklist of you better be this or that… I have to wonder if a trainable golden retriever would be a better match for you then frisky little me.

9. You Called Your Ex-Girlfriend “Crazy”: Yep this one is a no-brainer, if you are saying that about the X you might be saying the same thing about me one day. But I’m even more afraid that you DO have a psycho X-girlfriend and, by dating you, I’ll incur her vengeful wrath while on a date with you!

10. You Didn’t Bring Anything To The Conversation: I’m glad you like what I have to say, but what’s on your mind? We’re not at that comfortable at date #1 in the silence stage.

11. The I Don’t Care This is ME Look: That T-shirt has a stain on it. And the baseball cap is not cute. You don’t have to get all fake fancy, but on the first date shouldn’t you be trying to look your best?

12. You Were Rude To The Waiter/Waitress: I once read the CEO of Staples never hires anyone for management until he takes them out to lunch and see how they speak to and treat the wait staff. If you’re already abusing your relationship with a waiter/waitress, what’s the future going to be like with you?

And LADIES…

7 Reasons He Didn’t Ask You Out On A Second Date

Guys can be fickle, but sometimes, they have a pretty valid excuse for not picking up the phone to call us ladies… They are a bit simpler and less complicated then we women, therefore we have fewer reasons listed here. So here are 7 reasons why men might not call you back for that second date.

1. There’s no physical attraction. Men are visual there is no doubt about it. AND you have no control over this one, no right or wrong unless you dyed your hair pink and lost/gained 150 pounds before going on first date, that could certainly throw things off!

2. Talking too much about yourself or x-boyfriend. Don’t confuse confidence with vanity—if you’re going on and on about yourself, we’re not coming back for seconds. Be sure to keep the conversation two-sided, and keep some mystery alive by not jamming your biography into an hour-long dinner. And NO X-boyfriend talk! What guys hear when you talk about your X, even if you give the signal you like him is:  “I’m still into this dude, but yeah, you’re, uh, pretty OK.”

3. Cell phone addicts. If you’re on the phone constantly during a first date, don’t expect a call from the guy later on. This applies to texting, too; in fact, texting seems even ruder.

4. Vulgarity. Guys like a girl who can be as vulgar as their guy friends, but don’t trot out your award-winning burps or four-letter fiestas until at least the second or third date.

5. Blatant pre-date lies. This one’s common with the internet dating crowd. Don’t tell lies about yourself before the date kicks off, be yourself always. Don’t say that you’re a rich hand model who enjoys Russian literature (yes some of this stuff really has been said… can’t make this stuff up) unless, of course, you actually can pull that one off by speaking Russian phases and getting the best manicure in town!

6. You missed his signals. Some guys have trouble making a move, and if you shrugged off his arm on your shoulder because you were hot or leaned away from a kiss because you heard your neighbors going through your trash, he might be feeling rejected. Call him to set things straight. And while you’re at it, call the cops on your creepy neighbors.

7. He still mourning someone else. If it was just a first date, an old relationship might have flared up again, or the guy might have met someone else that he’d rather date. There is no real obligation to call you and say anything since, well, it was a first date. Don’t hold it against him, but don’t wait around either. If you don’t get a call within about a week of the first date, forget about it and move on … NEXT

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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There are 2 small things that you can start doing today to get more dates, and with some luck land yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend in the process.

So lets start with first things first… which is a first impression.

First impressions count and you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

You have just a few minutes (7 minutes at our SPEED DATING EVENTS) to make a good first impression and it’s almost impossible ever to change it. So it’s worth giving each new encounter your best shot. Much of what you need to do to make a good impression is common sense

I get calls all the time asking me what to wear to a singles event from both the guys and the gals. I tell the ladies, and guys, to not overdo it, be you and feel comfortable, but do dress to impress.

When you go to a singles event, get dressed as you would if you were going out on the town. Make sure that you are cleaned up and presentable as best as you can be.

Do whatever it is that you do to get well groomed.

Guys this means visiting your local barber for a haircut. So don’t even have to think about taking that shortcut and wearing a baseball hat to an event! Keep in mind, a nice naked clean-shaven face is sexy guys.

Ladies: if visiting your local salon for a cut and color or to get your nails done, then make sure to make time to do that.

And Ladies do think about the great power in wearing a skirt or dress. It’s obviously the most feminine way to dress. And most women look GREAT in a skirt or dress.
Skirts are very forgiving and make a woman’s “pear shape” into an “asset” if you’ll pardon my French…
Now of course a pair of jeans can be just as gorgeous as a dress – on the right person. But for women to abandon femininity and feel uncomfortable about showing how sexy they are is, well, tragic! Skirts are a woman’s secret weapon to looking and feeling sexy.  Let me tell you….when I wear a skirt it makes all the difference.  The truth is that there is a difference between men and women, and woman should embrace those differences and make them shine!

Men and Women- wear something unique that could be a conversation starter! Ladies- interesting attractive jewelry, Guys… could be something as simple as a fun nickname on your name tag!

And ALWAYS try to look your best even if its just running to the store to pick up some milk.

Hey I once dated someone for 5 months who I met and kept running into at my local 7 – Eleven!

Always put yourself in the best possible position to get dates.

Bottom line is both Men and Women feel good and is attracted to being around someone who takes pride in their appearance AND is confident.

I FEEL good when I look good. And when I FEEL good it shows…

Of course, being confident means more than just what you wear, it’s a complete state of mind.

Women: it’s about truly loving men for the silly creatures from Mars they really are. FAULTS and all… get rid of the man bashing tapes running through your head.

And Men… to succeed with women you need to truly love women for the ever-changing beings we are! As Billy Joel puts it so well in his so ng… “She is frequently kind, and she’s suddenly cruel… she’ll bring out the best and the worst you can be, blame it all on yourself, cause she’s always a woman to me”

Remember it’s what you think in your mind as you walk by any man or woman, know it’s is the confident, non-judgmental thoughts that you have running through your mind, that will RIVET their attention – and they’ll never know exactly why.

Practice it as often as you can on everyone even those you may not date! This way when the real deal comes along you will be fine-tuned.

OK so there you have it… 2 small changes/ improvements you can start with TODAY

1. Dress to impress

2. Think confident  (YES you are one hellva sexy desirable single)

Quote: from Albert Schweitzer:

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

Powerful and somewhat dangerous stuff – go-ahead try it out and have some fun with it!

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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