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Are You Secretly Judgmental Of Others?

Do you notice that you often secretly judge others?

For example, your sister tells you about a new car she bought and you think, She can’t possibly afford that car on her salary. She’s so irresponsible about money.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

Or your partner leaves his dirty dishes in the sink before heading out to meet his friends and you think, He’s so lazy and sloppy. It drives me bananas.

Throughout the day, every day, you find yourself silently criticizing others.

My co-worker at work has gotten scatter-brained… my neighbor is too nosy… my friend is too self-absorbed with posting selfies on social media…

What does this all mean?

Are you surrounded by people who don’t have their act together?

Is society just falling apart?

Or is this a clue about something way deeper and way more fundamental about YOU?

How Your Relationship With Others Brings Up The Next Biggest Thing You Need To Learn About Yourself

When we judge others or feel our “buttons being pushed” by the things they say and do, we may actually be projecting our feelings onto others.

We are accusing others of the very things we disown or reject about ourselves.

Here’s how it works…

Let’s say you have a fear of rejection that stems from something far back in childhood.

More than likely, you’re unaware of this fear. You haven’t yet acknowledged it. Or you know about it, but reject that it’s an issue.

Your subconscious mind is aware of it, though. And that part of your mind will always seek opportunities to work out this old issue. It will lead you into situations where you can bring that fear into your awareness.

In other words, you will enter into relationships with people who will “trigger” that fear or unacknowledged emotion inside you.

You will attract a relationship where your partner will withdraw, act cold, make plans with his or her friends instead of with you, have a hobby they love that doesn’t (or can’t) involve you, etc.

Instead of causing you to face and accept your fear, their behavior will cause you to be secretly judgmental or critical.

You don’t think, Hmm, I’m feeling afraid that he’s going to abandon me and I’ll be alone again.

Instead you think, He never spends time with me, he’s off having fun instead of fixing these things around the house, he’s wasting money playing golf all day when he should be saving money and spending the day with me.

Another example – let’s say that you consider yourself a neat, tidy and financially conservative person. You keep your home and car clean and you never spend more than you make.

But deep down, you’re really someone who wishes they could forgo responsibility for a while, kick up their feet, and be self-indulgent for a change.

However, you don’t want to admit that to yourself. It’s just not something you accept about yourself, for whatever reason. Maybe in childhood you were rejected for being that way.

Your creative mind will actually draw you into situations where you are around people who seem sloppy, irresponsible and flaky.

And instead of admitting that you’re a little bit like them, you will find yourself secretly complaining about them.

What Do You Need To Accept About Yourself In Order To Love Yourself?

When you don’t, or can’t, acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it’s a sign that deep down, you don’t love yourself.

And if you don’t love yourself, you’ll never feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.

You’ll always find something to complain about, and the people in your life will always seem to be less than perfect, because YOU think you’re less than perfect.

Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and your feelings, you’ll never be able to be fully loved by anyone else, either.

How This One Breakthrough Can Change Your Whole Life

There was a time in my life many years ago when I so badly wanted love and acceptance, but all I did was criticize my (ex) wife and accuse her of being nit-picky and too sensitive.

A Big Clue That You Don’t Love Yourself

I had several other unhappy relationships in my 20s and 30s before I met Katie. I thought women were too critical and too obsessed with talking about feelings. I didn’t fully believe them when they said they loved me or wanted me to be happy.

The truth was, I was out of touch with my own feelings. I wasn’t “sensitive” enough to what my mind and heart wanted and needed. Therefore, I projected those unacknowledged aspects of myself onto others.

I was secretly judgmental.

It wasn’t until I had a major breakthrough in my life where I finally learned how to love myself that all that changed.

I met and fell in love, lost 100 pounds, and exploded my career.

Learning to love yourself in a relationship is seeing that you will create the very situations you need that allow you to experience the parts of yourself you cannot love.

When you do that, you stop seeing the “wrong” in others. You stop being triggered all the time, and you become a less judgmental person.

When you love all of yourself, as if by magic, you will find yourself being completely loved by others.

Peace and Joy this Holiday Season to all

Warmly,

Gail Adams  7 in Heaven Singles Events

www.7inHeaven.com

*Article was originally written by Kate and Gay CLICK HERE to view

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Will this be your year to find LOVE?

Image

I love New Years Eve, its a time for renewal, clean slate, new beginnings.

But being single, there is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, many singles dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve, so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do on New Years, or with whom on New Years Eve, was not a problem when I was younger, married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about how I was going to scooping out the room, and try to engage a conversation with someone cute within the last five seconds left. Just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety?

All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

 

Join us for our FREE Expo “THE NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR! “

over 30 Vendors –  Beauty, Health, Organizers, Dating and more !

Get solid advice from 12 top experts for making this year BETTER!

1/11/15 – NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR Details

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~

Life Coach ~ Speaks on “Boost your self esteem”

Nutritionist ~ on “eat thinner/ healthier”

and more … a total of 12 experts!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

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First Dates: Who Should Pay…and Why?

This topic always stirs up great conversation (and surprising controversy!).

Relationship expert Dave Elliott believes it is the men who should take care of the check, and below are his reasons why.

Written by Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

Recently, the advertising agency, Leo Burnett, conducted an exhaustive study on the state of relationships today and one of the items caught my eye. According to the study, only 68 percent of men treat on the first date. Now, before I explain exactly why this is a problem—and how we can shift that dynamic for the benefit of both parties—I want to examine the big picture on this issue and hopefully contribute to a useful dialogue on the topic.coupleattable

How Did We Get Here?

If 32 percent of men are letting women pick up the tab, I suspect there are several contributing factors beyond just players and lonely women. For some, it’s an economic issue—especially for men rebuilding financially after a divorce. For many women, they find it more comfortable to reach for a check than to have an awkward conversation. Plus, in some respects, people are still finding their way in a world where the women’s movement has come a very long way in a relatively short time and many women actually out-earn the men who would seek to date them. In any event, it’s factors like these and many more that add up to a lot of confusion and this gray area.

Let’s Clear Up Some Confusion

As a relationship coach who works with clients all over the world, I’m frequently asked about who should pay on a date. However, regardless of the country, the language spoken, or the customs, my answer is universal. This is because it’s not based on the laws of finance, geography or culture. It’s based on the Universal Laws of Polarity and they’re always at work whether you know them, like them, or even agree with them. So with that in mind, I’d love to definitively answer the question once and for all—and as promised, I want to help set up both women and men so they can actually win.

A Man Only Has Two Gifts mangettingGift

When it comes down to understanding the Laws of Polarity, masculine energy only has two gifts to offer the feminine. Simply put, it’s his job to protect and provide. In order for feminine energy to relax into a relationship and let her guard down, she absolutely must feel “safe” and if she doesn’t, it’s game over.

In order to feel safe, she probably has to be in the company of a man who is confident, relaxed and grounded. He has to not only take care of himself, but also take care of her. This means she has to feel protected and safe in his company—both from outside forces—and from him. She also needs to feel like he can provide for her needs and look after her. Obviously, the easiest and most symbolic way to demonstrate that is by providing the meal you are sharing.

So, what is the woman’s responsibility here?

If a man’s responsibility is to protect and provide, the gift of the woman is her ability to nurture and have her man’s back. Simply put, a man is looking for a woman who will gratefully receive his gifts and appreciate his generosity. The fact is, a man can be with anyone else at any given time and when he invests his time, talent and treasure with a woman, he simply wants it to be acknowledged. Those who seem less than grateful or have an attitude of entitlement should realize how distasteful that is and not be surprised when a good man finds it to be a deal-breaker.

Here’s How You Both Benefit

By understanding the underlying energetic laws that are in play whenever two people meet for a likeattractslikedate, you must understand that polarity is everything. Ideally, that means the man is in his masculine energy as the pursuer or hunter while the feminine is pursued and feels desired. People decide within minutes of meeting if there are “sparks” of attraction and you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

If a man is uncertain or lacks confidence and a woman is pursuing him or picking up the tab, the best you can hope for is reverse polarity—and over time, when you’re living in anything other than your core essence, eventually it adds up to pain and disconnection.

Okay, as promised…how do you get a man to pick up the tab?

As I’ve explained, it really serves both men and women to start out a prospective romance by putting their best foot forward. So with that in mind, here’s how you can handle it the next time you have that awkward moment when the check is sitting on the table and no one is grabbing for it…yet. Ladies, I want you to simply say something to the effect of this:

“Hey, listen…about the bill. I’m happy to split that with you or even pick up the tab myself, but I read this article once (the one you’re reading right now, by the way) where it said that men actually take a great deal of pride in protecting and providing for a woman. It also said that it’s demeaning and disrespectful to a man to not give him that opportunity or accept his gift gratefully…so how would you like to handle that? I would never disrespect you…”

In most cases, it will be his idea to do that for you and you will have educated him gently in case no one has ever shared with him why a man should be a provider. However, if Romeo still doesn’t take the hint or at least have an authentic and vulnerable conversation on why he can’t, you’ve probably still found out everything you need to know about him on the first date.

And guys, if my suggestion is a problem for you, just make it a “policy” to make all your first dates a quick coffee or tea to see if there’s chemistry. You don’t need to provide a $100 dinner to decide if you want to continue getting to know someone when a $3 coffee will do the job.

Good luck to both of you!

Article from Web site . http://www.yourtango.com/

Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

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Julio sent to me recently letting me know of this connection that lead to a marriage ! Although I know of hundreds of connections, and marriages made through  7 in Heaven, not everyone takes the time to write to me and let me know how they have met someone fabulous attending my events.

Thank you to all that have done so, as your happiness, is my joy
for allowing me to know this really does work

Please keep those notes coming.

Gail

 

Hi Gail,

I thought it was worthwhile letting you know about a success story from attending one of your events in Oceanside more than 3 years ago. When people ask how we met, we still fondly recall all the details from that night.

Both me and my wife, Heather, were invited as secondary guests through our friends and after a 2.5 year courtship we married last October. Although we only attended one of your events, there was just the right connection and fortunate timing to develop into a life together.

Best wishes to you and a prosperous business.

Julio

 

—————————-

Gail Adams  Owner and Founder 

7 in Heaven Singles Events

 

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804    EMAIL: info@7-in-heaven.com

Cupid shooting arrows for lovePersonal Matchmaking Services

by Gail www.HeavenlyMatch.net

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THE NEW RULES OF ATTRACTION

by NINA MALKIN

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that anyone would be a fool not to follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: if you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, you decide to cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules people choose to follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date strategies for finding someone you’ll click with romantically.

ImageOld rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds.

New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates.

“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s convenient to think you can tell whether you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience by sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason? People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can someone truly relax and maybe build some rapport with another person. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term partnering potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is ensuring that each partner’s values coincide — and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off (or fall head over heels) until you’ve done your due diligence.

Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must-have list.”

New ruleImage: A “must-have list” looks great on paper, but it won’t keep you warm at night.

You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary, etc. — but unless you’re building your partner in a lab, you’re almost certainly missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-packs-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to cigarette smoke and eager to start a family… but settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Wish lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your wish list describing your ideal mate as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.

ImageOld rule: Opposites attract.

New rule: Opposites attract and they attack! 

Dating your diametric opposite might mean feeling the surprise of relating to someone really new and different than your usual type, trading lots of challenging banter, and sharing scintillating chemistry — but sustaining a partnership with this person may ultimately prove to be unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life, that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, coauthor of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the home. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?” We’re not saying that you should end up with someone identical to yourself, but ideally, it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).

Old rule: Your date’s taste in music (or movies, or books) mirrors yours — so you must be soul mates.

ImageNew rule: You want to fall in love with a person, not a playlist.

Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you just know it must be love. After all, each of you has seen Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside and out. But don’t confuse having mirror-image tastes with romantic chemistry. In fact, it’s probably better if your interests don’t match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in pursuits that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. “Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her and our’ time,” notes Dr. Fleming. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart — with you doing dips at ballroom dancing class and your date doing the wave at an NBA game, for example.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience.

New rule: Your first kiss is ultimately inconsequential.

In fairy tales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after — no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons Imagewhy a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (like nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) — and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve just been dumped and are looking for validation, perhaps?). “A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes, like shared values,” points out Dr. Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mindblowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two — either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.

Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about the other person constantly.

ImageNew rule: When it’s true love, thinking about the other person makes you feel good.

Hmm, has Willie Nelson’s cover of “Always on My Mind” become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. “Constantly thinking about another person isn’t love, it’s infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,” says Dr. Fleming. Ultimately, it’s a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. “If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust and a strong ‘friendship’ factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,” says Dr. Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person’s emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn’t really want to be yours.

Article written by : Nina Malkin

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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OK so its Valentines Day

Personally I think Valentine ’s day may have started with good intentions as a day to celebrate love, but nowadays it has become another day to guilt people into shopping compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love.

But for those of us that are single, this can be a rather challenging day to get through without the valentines in your face reminders of our unattached status and not having someone to spend the day in romantic bliss with.

Being single shouldn’t be a reason to feel blue however, and neither should Valentine’s Day. Instead of letting this mostly commercially-fueled holiday drag you down, why not celebrate being single?

VALENTINES DAYInstead of focusing on what you “don’t have” concentrate on what you DO have, celebrate love! For example maybe you are blessed with a loving family,  a sister/ brother you are close to. Your children who love you or fun faithful friends! Spend time with the family and friends in your life that love you at maybe a coffee shop, book store, anywhere but the restaurants packed with both happy and unhappy couples going through the motions!

Remember, when you are single, it doesn’t mean you need to feel ashamed. Whether you are, or are not, in a relationship doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person.

AND if you don’t want to be single, this is a perfect time to reflect on why you are single, and what you can do about it. Are you ready to start dating again? Do you know how to start a conversation with a stranger? Do you spend time in places conducive to meeting new single people?

Come out on Thursday 2/14/13 Valentines Day to our CUPID MINGLE    a fantastic event held inside a mansion in Suffolk County, and it is also a Nature Center the door money ($10 entrance) goes toward the organization A glass of wine and lots of cupcakes and chocolates to sample included

Check out our  DATING WORKSHOP  is a  great places to get started with your new journey!   Next event Wed 2/13 in Huntington @ XO Wine and Chocolate Restaurant The Topic is “FLIRTING 101″

Our Ladies BrunchSunday March 3 (SUFFOLK) and Sunday April 7 (NASSAU)  to make new single friends (held every 1st Sunday of the month)

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

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Will this be your year to find LOVE?

There is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, they dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do or with whom on New Years Eve was not a problem when I was younger and married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about  scooping out the room and engaging conversation with someone cute with five seconds left just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety? All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Join us for a

GRAND Gala New Years Celebration for Singles 12/31/12 CLICK HERE for all details

and for our seminar “THE NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR! ”

for solid advice from 8 top experts for making this year BETTER!

1/3/13 – NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR Details

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~

Life Coach ~ Speaks on “Boost your self esteem”

Nutritionist ~ on “eat thinner/ healthier”

Feng Shui – how to arrange your home for better health, happiness and new energy and space to allow a life partner to enter !

 

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

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I have had this question posed to me before from singles, when a woman who has slept with a man early on in the dating stages, suddenly discovers a week or two later…

Golly gee... why does this relationship appears to be only about SEX !

How did this happen?

Or better yet, try to turn it into a REAL relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not passing any judgments here. We are all adults making our own decisions, my goal is to simply enlighten you of the consequences of your actions and how things will play out from that point forward. If you decide to go home and sleep with a guy the very first date or time you meet with him, you really have to adjust your expectations accordingly. You have just made the decision to turn this into a casual night of fun, or “hookup” as some would call it, and once you have made this decision there is no turning back.

If you get a second date, well then consider it an unexpected added bonus to the casual fun night again. Don’t ever think, just because you now have slept together, you two are now property of each other. The “hookup” will never guarantee no matter how good the sex was, that he will be calling again. If that’s your ulterior motive then you just set yourself up for a major disappointment.

I know…  your saying it’s not fair!

Well I didn’t make the rules, and I have broken them enough times to know …they still do exist! And when you do break the rules, be prepared for what follows. Even though a man wants to get physical with you right away, and might even tell (or beg you) it won’t change a thing… that same man will be re-evaluating the relationship as soon as the light of day shows up!

They will always wonder in the back of their minds, if you do this with every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet? And you should question the same in your mind about him… is he with every Jane, Sally and Betty?

Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, and we all love instant gratification, the fact is, a man will more likely respect a women, stay with a women, and want to please her, is the woman that leaves him wanting more. When you hold back a little, that’s intriguing and something to look forward to. Become the object of his desire beyond the initial lust you both feel. THAT works both ways for MEN and WOMEN

If you goal is long term, then take my advise, and hold off, get to know him better, wait until you get the feeling you can trust him. Let him earn your trust firs t. You are worth it !

But end the first date at the bar meeting at the BAR, no matter how well it went!

Sorry guys, but I had to tell them. But you will thank me too when you meet the right girl Just think of  all the drama I am saving you from  those crazy stalking women that will follow you, if you go too far too soon, and then you decide you want to back out of the relationship!

Hey it’s true, I once told a guy that was practically begging me to sleep with him on the first date night  “no thanks… one night stands are like having a Chinese food. It will leave you hungry an hour later.”

Go for the full sit down dinner, trust me it will always be much more memorable.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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So up to this point, there has not been too much

competition in the personal MATCHMAKING services for Long Island

Well that has all changed now…

Heavenly MATCH  is here on Long Island for Matchmaking  services

How many singles are here on Long Island?

Long Island is made up of a very diverse group of people.  As of the 2010, Long Island had a population of 7,568,304 making it the most populated island in any U.S. state or territory! AND in the entire USA 44.1 percent of all U.S. residents 18 and older were SINGLE! So if we do our math correctly… about 333,000 residents of Long Island SINGLE.

Now you might think its easy to find someone with all these singles living in one spot right? Well think again; one person described it to me this way… Imagine you are at a big mall with thousands of people there at one time, how many of those people do you think you would get to meet personally and how many would you actually want to date?

Why would someone hire a matchmaker?

Personal matchmaking takes the tiresome legwork out of dating by outsourcing ‘the search’ for interesting, like-minded individuals that have YOUR same desires at heart. My prior years of experience and background as a head-hunting / corporate recruiter, makes me a sharp judge of character in a mate making me your Perfect Personal Liaison for LOVE!

And our sister company 7 in Heaven Singles Events is a perfect combination for networking and meeting long island singles.

We currently have over 5000 Long Island Singles as members!

What kind of individuals become exclusive clients of matchmakers?Generally most clients are upscale professionals age 28 to 40+ and looking to settle down and start a life with someone for the first time. Other clients are in their 40′s and 50′s and up, established in life, perhaps already have been married prior, and seeking to fulfill their goals of finding the right life partner for the rest of their lives.

Learn more about this new Matchmaking Service by clicking HERE

Check out our GREAT Articles on Dating Advice, Stories and Support on this blog!

Singles, Long Island Matchmaking Services, Long Island matchmaker, matchmakers of Long Island, Best matchmaking services, Dating Services, Long island Dating Services, Personal Matching, Love, Partner, Find perfect partner, Marriage Broker, Personal Dating Services, Elite Dating Services for Long Island, VIP Singles, Millionaire Matchmakers, Affluent single men, Beautiful loving women, Where to meet singles, How to meet singles, single women, Suffolk county singles, matching service on long island, single guys, singles long island, Single events on long island, single parties, where to meet long island singles, ,best matchmaker on long island, best matchmaker in Nassau County, best matchmaker Nassau county, events for singles, Suffolk county events for singles, Best place to meet singles on long island, Long island events for singles, Activities for singles Click here to read

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I received a call the other day from someone who was thinking of registering for a SPEED DATING event of ours. The woman went on to explain her boyfriend of 6yrs just “left her” and to use her words… was devastated and lost, as she stated she really loved him. She claims she doesn’t even know exactly WHY the breakup happened and doesn’t think she will ever meet anyone again. She can’t seem to get the whole thing out of her mind; so because her friends insisted she should get out, she was calling me to go to the SPEED DATING event.

I told her:

OF COURSE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN!

But are you sure you are ready to do an event like Speed Dating yet?

If you can’t get this off your mind, you may talk about it a bit too much, and if you did, it would not be to your advantage to tell every man you meet at the event what you just told me! How much you loved this man and how brokenhearted you are. Not attractive…

I agree with your friends you need to get out of the house and do something, but I encourage you to be honest with everyone you meet and explain you are joining us tonight to simply make some new friends at this point and leave it at that.


The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal after a breakup or separation.

DON’T isolate yourself, get out and socialize, but don’t look for an immediate replacement!

Instead try just going out just for the fun of … going out!

This is why I host all kinds of events for every stage of this process.

Some are not actually ready at this time to step out and go on a real “DATE”.  So for those I suggest a Speed Dating event, which is really a great way to “practice” dating again for those that have not dated in quite some time. Or for some, a simple mixer such as a single mingle or activity (Bowling, Mini Golf etc.) event is a great way to ‘get your feet wet’.

Or for women- our Ladies Brunch Social (next event Sun Jan 5th) simply to just make some new single girlfriends! For some ladies all they may need at this point, is to get back out there and simply make some new single girlfriends, whom you have more in common with.
The first 6 months to a year after a death of a spouse, divorce, or breakup of a long term relationship, are hard enough; so don’t make it worse by sitting home alone and sulking. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if you have to. Get out there and spend time around caring newly single people like yourself now more than ever.

But date slowly during this process.

What I mean by that is try not to get too emotionally involved so not to repeat the same bad relationship you just got out of!

Take this example: “Debbie” just got divorced. Her husband always expressed anger by yelling. This made her feel out of control. Debbie now swears that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Debbie meets and marries Joe.

Now Joe… never gets angry.

Problem solved – right?

No.

Joe gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry, he becomes silent. Debbie finds that this silence treatment, brings about the same anxiety/stress that her first husband’s yelling did. .

Has she made a bad choice with Joe?

No, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control when Joe gives her the silent treatment instead of yelling. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings all over again. If she blames Joe for her unhappiness, instead of discovering herself, she is destined to divorce again.

To fully rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your ex for everything you wish he/she could have done.

Make the decision to move on and leave the past behind, no matter what it is or how “wronged” you felt you were.

That is the final step in healing and emerging from a divorce or breakup.

Here is a great quote from Sara Paddison:

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes.

Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you.

Love them and release them.

Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

–Sara Paddison

And when you reach this important level of healing you can truly be open again to be with someone else.


All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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”J” wrote in:

Though I don’t think I had an interest in anyone at the event last night, and I had fun and met some nice people, – it felt sad, kind of down on myself that no one had an interest in me.   I usually meet people easily just in the everyday world and then I go to an event and feel rotten about myself  – yeah, ugly, old, and out of sorts…….

I think it just feels more natural when it is an event that one likes but not specifically geared towards “hey I’m single, I’m here and are you interested?”   I maybe might try it one more time, but not in a comfort level when I’m at an event that labels me as “single”.  Now tell me… is this stupid or what?

———————————————————————————————————-

Dear “J”

Thank you for allowing me to understand what is going on with your emotions regarding being single.
As an intuitive person, and my life experience interviewing people, I can get a good (not GREAT… just good) idea of what might be going on behind the scenes

1. First this  type of event- an activity mixer event, is not structured the same as a REGULAR SPEED DATING event, where the focus of the whole evening is on the “score sheet” which… by the way, I never call it.

I refer to it as a Secret Ballot.

That’s because the whole concept of “rating” comes to mind with the word “Score” and that is really not what its about.
Just like yourself, you are attracted to some but not everyone.

We are all the same. Some will be attracted to you, but maybe you will not be attracted to them. OR maybe you are attracted but the other is not attracted to you.

A MATCH is when the 2 lucky people agree… they are both attracted to each other.
We should do our best, to try to understand this is not personal!!

It is… what it is…… ONE person’s opinion and not attracted to us, BUT so many others ARE attracted to us!

2. About being single… I don’t remember if you told me what your situation was… but my guess is that you (like myself) were married or in a very long committed relationship and now are single.
People that have been single all their lives understand stand this world so much better!     I had a bit of a learning curve myself, since I had met my husband at 19, married at 22 and then single again at 45.
Girl let me tell you, I still a work in progress!
Some suggested reading for you on being single TURN YOUR CAB LIGHT ON…
above is a link to a used copy CHEAP at Half.com
Maybe I like this author because she is ALSO a recruiter turned dating adviser just like ME!    I like the no-nonsense advise she gives.

3. I think just like all of us, you need to consider what to work on first … and I think it’s about being more comfortable being single… being “labeled” as SINGLE, and realizing its not that bad.
It’s a state of being. If you have had a few rotten relationships in your life, you know there is nothing easy about dealing with a rotten relationship! Being single has it challenges too, but it’s never as lonely being single and alone then being in a rotten relationship AND being alone!!!

Its interesting that you wrote you don’t want to be labeled as single, when in fact so many PAY to go to event just so they can be with those that are like themselves … SINGLE. I mean who wants to be hanging around couples on a night out. For example let’s take New Years eve, when the whole thing is so focused on being a couple that night! If I spent the night with a bunch of people that were not single… then that’s when I would feel most awkward. Especially since now that I have been single for coming up to 8 years. (I was married 22 yrs)

I would rather spend my time with others making new single friends, that in fact, will give me the opportunity to meet someone I will have a future with and maybe BE a couple again.
Am I making any sense here or what?
Please do write me your thoughts on this subject comments below or …

So what’s so BAD about being single? (polls)

 

Wishing you joy on your journey,

PS – Got a friend that needs some encouragement?
Forward this blog – they’ll thank you for it!

 

on your search for the one we make being single fun

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com


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OK so its Valentines Day

Personally I think Valentine ’s day may have started with good intentions as a day to celebrate love, but nowadays it has become another day to guilt people into shopping compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love.

But for those of us that are single, this can be a rather challenging day to get through without the valentines in your face reminders of our unattached status and not having someone to spend the day in romantic bliss with.

Being single shouldn’t be a reason to feel blue however, and neither should Valentine’s Day. Instead of letting this mostly commercially-fueled holiday drag you down, why not celebrate being single?

Instead of focusing on what you “don’t have” concentrate on what you DO have, celebrate love! For example maybe you are blessed with a loving family,  a sister/ brother you are close to. Your children who love you or fun faithful friends! Spend time with the family and friends in your life that love you at maybe a coffee shop, book store, anywhere but the restaurants packed with both happy and unhappy couples going through the motions!

Remember, when you are single, it doesn’t mean you need to feel ashamed. Whether you are, or are not, in a relationship doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person.

AND if you don’t want to be single, this is a perfect time to reflect on why you are single, and what you can do about it. Are you ready to start dating again? Do you know how to start a conversation with a stranger? Do you spend time in places conducive to meeting new single people?

Where to go on VALENTINES day for Singles

Tuesday Feb 14th 2012SINGLES, if this Valentine’s Day…Isn’t going your way… Come on out and meet someone in non – restaurant/bar venue for FREE! 7 in Heaven is having a special FREE SINGLES Valentines night out – at the beautiful  Dakota Design Center in Merrick

More like a open house party, this open mingle will be providing FREE Coffee/ Tea and goodies to all. (additional drinks available) Mingle with Singles from 7:30pm- 9:30pm make some new single friends or maybe a love connection! DATE MATCH CARDS to help make connections. *Not a SPEED DATING EVENT

We LOVE our singles and this special FREE event is for you!

This will be a non-structured open mingle for ALL ages, so take a chance- you have nothing to lose and see if Cupid is on target tonight!

PS: last FREE Valentines event held in Rockville Centre Book Store we had 72 singles attend!

 

SATURDAY 2/11/12 Pre-VDAY Wine Lovers Dinner Party

WINEuDESIGNHicksville ~ Suggested Ages 30 & up
Doors open at 7:00, join us for a fabulous wine tasting party hosted by a At 8pm the Chief Winemaker sommeliers will give us on a demonstration of the equipment used at the winery used to make each individual private barrel of wine we sample.
$30.00 (pre-paid) /
$35 CASH at doorincludes
LOTS of free wine samples
, wine making demo, DJ Dance Music, Raffle prizes with icebreaker game,  
Appetizers
– Vegetables, Cheeses, meats, olives, bread
Dinner
– Chicken, Meatballs and Pasta dish
Desserts
– Fruit & Cakes and CHOCOLATES. Coffee & soft drinks available too.
Several Give-away PRIZES !
Complimentary BEER, or unlimited Soda for non-wine drinkers.
*Not a speed Dating event-

$5 bring a friend! $25.00CLICK HERE to apply (*Bring a friend discount on PRE-PAID only)

Contact – 7-IN-HEAVEN SPEED DATING & SINGLES EVENTS
631 592 9804       Email: INFO@7-IN-HEAVEN.COM
WEB Site- www.7-in-heaven.com

 

 

ALSO… try these events…

Our Ladies Brunch – to make new single friends (held every 1st Sunday of the month)  FEB 5th in Nassau at RJ Daniels in Rockville Centre  and March 11th in East Islip BEECHTREE

and our Dating Workshops– Held every 3rd Thursday of the month at the Marriott in Plainview Feb 17th topic – Flirting 101

are great places to get started with your new journey!

 

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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Below is the original post along with some new ADDITIONAL food for thought about how it effects you at SPEED DATING EVENTS

I frequently am asked by the newly single especially the females, “will I feel comfortable going out to one of your events alone? ”

From my own personal experiences, of being a divorced woman re-entering the dating circle, I have always tried to help provide both men and woman attending a 7 in Heaven Speed Dating or activity event, a comfortable and welcoming format for singles to attend alone.

Women in particular feel the most uncomfortable attending alone. I encourage women to attend alone, as this is the best way to make new friends, both male and female. When you are busy socializing with your buddy, you don’t socialize with as many singles. If you alert me when you arrive that you have come alone, I am always glad to introduce you to those that have already arrived. Once a Speed Dating event begins, you will be so busy you won’t even have time to notice you are alone!

The reason I feel so strongly about this comes from one Friday night, a few months after my divorce, and long before I started this singles organization, I found myself wanting to get dressed up and go out on a Friday night, but all of my girlfriends were busy.

I was frustrated; I didn’t want to spend my limited time off without kids watching a movie at home alone.  But what was my alternative?  Go to a bar by myself?

No way!

Then I thought to myself, well single guys do it all the time, why shouldn’t I?

Hmmm…

Visions of me sitting alone and awkwardly at a bar sprung to my imagination.  I envisioned people looking over at me – judging me:  is she Desperate?   Skank?  Alcoholic?  Depressed?  Overwrought with self-consciousness, and not knowing what to do with myself, I’d probably play with my cell phone…

Suddenly – oh phew!  Someone comes over to talk to me!  And yup – it figures.  He’s drunk, homely and overly-convinced I need his company.

Then with all these scenarios running through my mind, I thought how why is it, that at my age, after all the growing and changing since divorcing, I STILLED lack the confidence to TRY doing this alone! Where did my new found confidence go? Why am I still limiting myself??? I don’t have to explain myself to anyone! Truly, no one’s holding me back but me now.

People don’t seem to think anything less of men who are eating alone in a restaurant or at the bar lounge area alone, so I’m not sure why there seems to be a different set of rules for women. It’s kinda shocking to me that we have this double standard! I was one of those people that stereotyped and thought,  “Oh, I would feel so self conscious as a women to go out in public, to a restaurant, in a bar, anywhere by myself.” Then I actually started to ask men and women what they thought of people that went out alone… I thought they would say the person dining alone was “probably out alone because they don’t have any friends”, or “they must have got stood up that’s why they are alone and out”, and yes, a few people did said that, but then just as often, I would get someone that would say “oh, she just wanted to have some time to herself to think ” or  “Her friends were busy that night and she just went out on her own” or “he wanted time to himself, he had a stressful long day and he just wanted to sit there and think.”

Instead, I discovered there were a lot of people that thought: “oh, I wish that were me, to have the guts to go out alone“, and especially the ones who are there with their kids were are dumping food on the ground and splattering things and making noise. They are looking at you sitting there in peace and thinking, “oh, I wish that were me“. Many admired but did not think they could ever have the nerve to go out alone. They look at you and think, “wow, that is wonderful that she can do that.”

Consider this…being single is not a very good idea especially if you will not enjoy your own company. Loneliness and fear of being alone has pushed people to stay in unhealthy relationships. They tolerate wrong company just because they fear public criticism.

And it is the thirst of our co-dependence and not allowing ourselves to be alone, is what actually limits us from making new friends. We quickly jump into new romantic relationship simply because our self-perception is about what society thinks of us being alone.

We should not hesitate to go out alone.

Being single and learning how to go out alone, improves your mental well being to greater heights. To go out alone comfortably, you need to put the stereotypes at the back of your mind. It does not mean that you are a loner, desperado or a loser. You are a liberated single person. It may look or sometimes feel awkward but prepare to go out and have fun just like you would have done if you had company.

Today as you read this article I want you to know that you can be single and fabulous.

True happiness comes from within. Happiness from external sources is gratifying for a little period of time. You should enjoy being with you because much as you might want to deny it, you will be spending most of your life with you. Being single does not necessarily mean that you can’t have fun with yourself!

Improve yourself by being comfortable with yourself at all costs.

Can you go alone to a bar or restaurant?

When I was going through my divorce, I too was wondering where I can go to have fun that doesn’t involve a bar every time ’cause that scene can get old real fast.

When I created 7 in heaven singles events, I particularly wanted to make sure, I would hold my events in Restaurants (not pubs) and also provide alternative places to meet that was not Alcohol focused, so it won’t feel like a bar singles scene.

Keep in mind that being single can be fabulous, and do your best to ignore the fact that you are going out alone.

Once you arrive at a singles event alone, walk in with confidence. Do not feel intimidated in any way. I will help by doing my best, to introduce you to others that have come alone. But I need also need your help here, so try to relax and just enjoy the environment. Do not make a mistake of trying to occupy yourself with other activities like playing video games or reading novels and magazines while you are waiting for the event to begin. It makes you look like you are not open to conversations.

You will be amazed at how many more great people you will meet by going alone, than you would have otherwise met if you were busy chatting it up with a friend. People feel intimidated by groups.

Everyone at the events share the same goal as yours, they desire to be in a fulfilling relationship. But try not to make the emphasis of entire evening of going out alone, on if you meet a man that night. Maybe it should be more about just having some fun, beyond sitting at home, and just make a new friend or two.

Making the very first attempt at going out alone is very healthy.

If a person is interested in you they will feel more comfortable to approach you when you are alone. Have you ever wondered why people go out and meet the lovers of their dreams? It is because they make themselves approachable. If you are entertaining a lousy group of girls just because you do not want to come to the event alone, you might remain single forever. These characters you brought along with you, could very well be your stumbling block to for your love and happiness.

By the way… I did finally did make that first move to go out for the night alone as all my friends that Friday night, as my friends had other plans. I really wanted to see the band that was playing that night down at the Beach Hut, an outdoor Bar/Restaurant on the water near my house. So I told myself “You’re a grown woman, what is the worst that can happen, you show up have a glass of wine, order the Lobster Special, and if it’s not fun you can always leave and go home, don’t be scared!”.

I ended up having a really good time. I even asked a guy to dance w/ me…twice. He was a great dancer! I must say people do feel sorry for you when you are alone. I had several people approach me to ask me if I was alone and ask me to sit w/ them. The ladies at the table next to me asked me to take their picture then I asked them to watch my table when I went to the ladies room and before you know it I was sitting w/ them and had a fabulous time.

Bottom line….Don’t be scared, own it!

 

PART II – why going ALONE to a SPEED DATING event improves your chances too!

It has come to my attention that when several or 2 women attend an event together- the men shy away from “checking them as a YES” on their sheets for Speed Dating. Why? because  guys worry about getting caught up with the Friends thing… if they pick BOTH friends.. then the friends either talk to each other and “decide” who gets him .. OR they both feel a bit slighted because THEY were not specialy selected so they both give him the cold shoulder … GUYS know this ladies!

So.. they go for the lady that came by herself instead.

Go out alone. It is such a great experience.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Do you Hate to date?

Have you ever said this out loud or to yourself?

Well at our last interactive Workshop held Oct 20, 2011 – Topic – the laws of attractions ~ how to attract the right one, just saying or even THINKING this way put up road blocks to successfully finding the right person!

How is that?

Well our mentor EUGENIA KARAHALIAS explained:

What you think about ~ you bring about! FEELINGS then attached to your thoughts then fuel it. Let is go…any negative beliefs you may have, work everyday toward being Grateful for what IS going well in your life, and what you do have. Say YES to life and LIFE says YES to you!

So…how can we figure out what we need to change so we can bring about all this good stuff Eugenia is talking about? Lets start with figuring out what kind of DATER you are! Then we can work on possible solutions…

Which DATER are YOU?

1. Procrastinator I’ll start dating next month, next year, when I lose weight, when I fix myself, when my kids grow up, and so on.

2. Worrier I’m afraid of rejection. Online dating is dangerous. If I go to an event I won’t know anyone, I am afraid of someone raping, kidnapping, or killing me.

 

3. Skeptic There is no use in trying. There is no one out there for me. I will never meet anyone. Women are all Bitches. Men suck. Most of the guys are not worth my time.

4. Beginner I don’t know the first thing about dating, and I am not ready to put myself out there.

The above questions came from : Berndt, Debra (2010). Let Love In: Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner (p. 178). Wiley. Kindle Edition.

Once you can identify which one you are…it will be easier for you to work towards improving your success with dating.

Procrastinators – well you may have this problem in other areas of your life and as you may have already figured out, life will pass you right by if you don’t make a decision to get to it right now!

Worriers need to try to break it down a bit. Learning to let go more, understand we can’t control all outcomes but that shouldn’t stop you from trying. Many times we hear only the negatives and believe that this makes up the majority of the dating pool …NOT SO! Just like you.. there are millions of honest, loving singles out there..and less BAD GUYS then you think looking and searching as you read this right now.

Skeptic ah yes.. Guilty of this one myself, you must work hard everyday to be grateful, what IS going well in your life, and what you do have. This will keep the “boomerang” effect of the universes laws of attraction coming back to bite you in the ____

Beginners– This one is easy! Come on out to our events and see for yourself you have nothing to loose. Remember how scary it was learning to drive? And how thrilling it was to pass that drivers test? ( I was going to use the learning to ride a bicycle.. but for some of us that was a VERY long time ago) Anyway, when you attend your first event this will be the feeling you should walk away with. I DID IT! Wow, that wasn’t so hard after all in fact I HAD FUN!

So I hope to see you at an event soon … ALL of you Procrastinators, Worriers, Skeptics, and Beginners!

Check the online Calendar of Events

And just come on out, you’ll never know unless you GO!

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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Hi Gail,

Just wanted to let you know that I had a nice time SPEED DATING.  It was a lot of fun!
I see below that “Kirk” also listed me for a second date and thanks for giving me his contact info.
After the dating was finished I went back into the bar with another woman from the event, we both spent time chatting it up with a gentlemen she knew and ran into there, and we both had a nice time.

“Kirk” was also at the bar but he was engaged in conversation with other people from the event, and I felt awkward approaching him.
He hasn’t contacted me and I’m wondering if it’s because I didn’t approach him that evening?  What’s the protocol here?  Is it ok for the ladies to contact the men?
Gosh, you would think at my age  I would be able to figure this out! ha ha…!
Thanks.
“Gwyneth”

———————————————————————————————

Hi Gwyneth,

Humm… This can always be a tricky one.

Perhaps it would have been a good idea to leave “Kirk” with the impression you are interested.
But its a fine line- between flirting and being too overbearing.

Sometimes you can break into the conversation if he is with another woman, and sometimes its not possible.
What you might sometimes have to do… is  place yourself very close to the conversation, by perhaps sitting at a bar stool nearby, and look thier way.
If “Kirk” glances at you- during the conversation, you could turn your body toward the conversation
(body language is important)
And then, if the opportunity presents its self= you could find a way to join in on the conversation.

But other times its not possible to do that.

So…. if the other alternative is send an email to “Kirk” from the contact information I gave you from the Speed Dating event

say something like:
it was nice to meet youlooking forward to spending some time getting to know you better!

But only send ONE email! No response is an answer!

Now onto WHY he hasn’t called?

Well there are a ton of possible reasons such as:
A. *He is shy, new at the singles scene and needs some encouragement to make the first move
B. * Not ready to date yet, did he recently get separated ?
C. * Although he found you interesting, someone else piqued his interest more

So – in case he is SHY – send the gentle reminder email.
But don’t do more then that, as if he doesn’t make a move after that email, then perhaps the answer could be B or C !
And that’s OK – its only one person and one persons preferences.
Many others will find you attractive, and interesting! Don’t waste time on it all…

Just say “NEXT” and move along.

Hope that helps!

 

 

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

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Who makes the first move?

At our dating workshop 4/7/11 lead by Joe Fallarino of STAR COACHING, we discussed the topic CONFIDENT DATING TECHNIQUES and surprisingly enough, there were more men in attendance then females.

Joe brought and discussed some information supplied by the book “THE RULES”. This book was written by two women with some out of touch and outdated ideas about dating, yet also includes some very real rules still alive for dating.

Joe stated it was OK for a woman to make the first move, and the men in the room all seem to be agreeing with Joe!

I somewhat disagreed, siting that “men were from Mars” and cavemen at heart. MEN are hunters and seekers, love the chase and don’t have respect or pay much attention the the women that chase them.

Joe then polled the room of men and I asked the ladies their opinion.  Joe’s response from the guys was unanimous – all said they LIKED it when a woman made the first move. In fact one went to say it was sexy!

Now, I am kind of old school on this one, so I was surprised to see this reaction.

But I thought sure… guys like it if we make the first move, as they no longer have to worry about rejection! We women are now are put in that position. And another thought ran through my mind… only lazy or shy men will let women make the first move or how desperate a woman might be perceived by making the first move. Oh so complicated it seemed to be!

Then Joe made a simple statement – how about NO RULES?

Yes we need to think about our “moves” and respect each others space. It is somewhat like a game of chess each taking a turn after making a move. It doesn’t matter who makes the first move or the 2nd move, but that we wait after a move to see what the reaction was to make the next move.

Oh I forgot to mention that the men that said it was a turn on if the woman made the first move, also added- ONLY if they were attracted to that women. So, if they were not attracted they would be flattered but wouldn’t make a 2nd move.

Pursuing too hard, too fast will make the other person run no matter who makes the first move!

So go ahead ladies, take some initiative when some man interests you. Maybe by doing that you will stand out from the crowd! I provide both cell numbers (texting) and emails for the soft approach of contacting for the first time.

I got a call the other day to once again back this theory up, from a guy saying he was “impressed” Julie called him after the event to get together! And now he was going to check it out and take her out on a date

But ladies, let me still caution you, don’t make more then ONE move or one attempt on that first move or the table will turn. Best to go by my old rule of  “ no answer is an answer” and move on.

Anyone with some stories or opinions out there?


Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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Dear Gail,

I have to ask you this question… a guy once told me that when a bunch of women come to a speed-dating event together as friends (or clique), some of them may already be in relationships and are just coming for support for their friend.

So not all the women are actually available? In addition, I was told that when women “huddle together” after the event, that they will decide who picks who so their is no competition amongst them.

Is this true?

From  “Team player

—————————————————————————————

Dear “Team player”

Some of the points you make are true! And let me start by explaining not all women behave this way….

Yes we women from Venus do congregate much more then the men from Mars.

We go to the bathroom together, feel the need more urgently then the men to go to events together….

But the “huddle” amongst the girlfriends is more about comparing notes, to evaluate and crosscheck referenced information, not so much as to decide, “who gets who”.

Example: “OH… I didn’t know that about him… he told you that?

Trust me MEN do it too…. it’s just that women do it more.

As for women attending events that are already in relationships, I have to say no, that is not the norm. Honest women (or men) that are in relationships won’t attend a singles event as they risk meeting people that they might know! And then will have to explain to their significant other, “hey I know so-and-so told you they saw me there, but really, I was only there for my friend.”

It might be a bit difficult to explain…

I want you to know, I always encourage women to attend alone. They benefit so much more by attending alone.
Read my BLOG article about it!

I hope to enlighten a few women out there, how we must look to the guys when we do the SPEED DATING HUDDLE after the event is over.

Ladies, keep in mind, only YOU will know if that person you meet will be right for you after a few date to get to know one another. You don’t need your girlfriend’s approval, or information she gathered. You need to form your own opinion.

Thanks for attending team player!

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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Will this be your year to find LOVE?

There is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, they dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do or with whom on New Years Eve was not a problem when I was younger and married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about  scooping out the room and engaging conversation with someone cute with five seconds left just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety? All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

Happy New Year to all.

Join us for some of our WORKSHOPS coming this month for solid advice on making this year BETTER!

1/6/11 –Intro to Feng Shui

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~ Means : New Love and Relationships! Learn about Feng Shui to clear, clean, & make way for NEW ROMANCE this new year! Feng Shui practitioners believe that the best way to attract love is to adjust your environment, to bring, health, happiness and new energy and space to allow a life partner to enter !

1/5/11 – for MEN – for MEN – UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (4 part series)

*How to work with women instead of being frustrated by women.
*Why do women think that way? *What are women looking for in a man? *How to stay out of the “Friends Zone” *HOW TO ATTRACT & KEEP a good woman!

1/20/11 – Dating Success Workshop/Mingle This month’s focus is:

NEW YEAR ~ Single No More Re-evaluation, new direction

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

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Ahh yes the wonderful world of online dating.

If you are single, you probably are one of the estimated 20 million people a month that visit an online dating site.

And just think, that number doesn’t even include the married folks that are using online sites too!

Married and looking on the Internet is a big concern to those in marriages that are having some unresolved issues.

Even FACEBOOK has become one of the new ways to cheat, look up your old high school sweetheart, and pick up where you left off.

Problem is people can actually become addicted to online dating, as its like window-shopping with an endless supply of merchandise.

Always-new people to explore and the possibility of finding MR. or MRS perfect seem to be right around the corner. After all it should be very easy to achieve since it appears there is a bottomless pit of choices to pick from.

If someone is not exactly right for them, singles are less inclined to accept it and more likely to think hey… why settle? I can always get someone else who is just that little bit more perfect online.

This form of dating has changed the attitudes of those looking for a potential mate as it seems like it’s just an email or IM away to eternal happiness as opposed to years ago where you had to do the legwork and get out of the house to actually meet people.

And with this instant connection of dating, so have other trends increased.

I like to call it  “FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ” are much more readily found.

Which I would define as … We like each other, we have a good time together, we’re attracted to each other, we have a lot in common but we’re not LTR material, BUT we can date until someone better comes along!”

I would say the word “disposable” sure does apply here.

Then there is SEXTING …

Text messaging dirty little messages back and forth, to keep the interest going. Which if you find you are spending more time doing more of this, then actually talking or seeing the person, to me that is one really a lame way to have sex.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that online dating is a terrible way to meet people. Many people have found great loves online. But just as many have been scammed, cheated on or lied to much more easily by using this method of dating. You must date with your feet planted firmly on the ground, and get your imagination and head out of the clouds!

Here’s a short list of pros and cons of online dating

Pro’s

  1. VERY easy to get a date – just post a decent profile with a decent picture and your off and running.
  2. You can “shop” more easily– an example is say you want to date only non-smokers, then you can sort your finds by that criteria
  3. You don’t have to limit your choices to your neighborhood. Can increase your odds by increasing your distance – no limits to where!

Con’s

  1. Many Married-and- cheating are using the online dating sites these days as a way to meet unsuspecting singles. Not meeting in person and instead emailing and talking on the phone allow people to easily be something they are not.
  2. Picture may tell 1000 words, but nothing is more upsetting then to meet someone that doesn’t look like their picture at all. People use old pics or fake pics to make themselves more attractive then they really are. Meeting in person is when the moment of truth is set.
  3. The Blind Date: When you go on an online date, you really are going on somewhat of a “blind Date” except you have an idea of what that person looks like. Someone who doesn’t interest you can wind up monopolizing your whole evening! You get dressed, drive to go out to meet someone you almost immediately decide oh no… This one is not for me… yet winds up spending a polite amount of time with this single stranger then go home disappointed.
  4. Pass by good opportunities: Many times you may have passed someone by online; because they totally blew the way they put together their profile online. And nowhere does it count more with online dating; you only get one change to make a first impression.

Over the past 8 years I have been single since my divorce, I personally have gone on what seems like hundreds of online dates. Many of these dates taught me to have patience, and a sense of humor. When I started to feel frustrated with the whole process I decided to go back to the basics and get out and MEET people in person and not to have a mission, but to have a desire to meet someone with a mission to have fun.

Attending Speed Dating and other types of activities allow you to meet face-to-face with age appropriate single men and women locally where you live and work. The events make it easy to meet other singles. You don’t need to worry about whether or not anyone will talk to you. At Speed Dating, there’s no need to fear rejection because at the event no one is allowed to ask someone for a date.

When you think about it, there are all kinds of ways to meet people. I like to explain it as; we all have a goal, a destination to reach. To get to that destination, you could travel by plane, train, and car or bus… but once you get there you don’t really care how – you’re having too much fun to care. But some ways of traveling will be more comfortable, and faster!

I personally prefer the in person way to meet people. Many people have told me when it comes to online dating, they fair much better meeting in a casual way vs. the “interview” with a first online date. For an example – men that are under the height of 5’ 9” have told me, they often get passed by when online dating as people put in the exact height they hope for. But when these great guys meet in person their personality make up for the inch or two on the wish list of any woman.

Also less married and cheating attend single events, as they have to come out in the open and meet strangers that might recognize them as the married guy down the block!

(I did say less, there is no guarantees as some people really have you know what… and will cheat anyway, anyhow )

Check out our interactive activity events and our fun organized Speed-Dating event on the CALENDAR

Step away from the computer and come out and play.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!


visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Hey Gail,
Great advice on your blog. We single people do appreciate it. I think as a single man who is 44 its really hard to meet single women. I see women I would like to meet but am afraid to approach them because they never smile and sometimes even look angry.
Am I doing something wrong? Or are all women on long island stressed out? lol.
I have lived in the south and the women in Florida and Georgia seem friendly and they smile. But up here on Long Island its kind of different. I have heard the women here are kind of stuck up because its long island and they grew up with money and maybe that has something to do with it. Whats your insight on this?
From “T”

———————————————————————————————-

Interesting question “T”

I was born and raised right here on Long Island I so let me try to give you some insight on this place. No we did not all grow up with money. We have poor towns and rich towns here on LI.
However, you are correct about it being more difficult to break the ice here then other parts of the country. My oldest daughter who now lives in N. Carolina will be the first to tell you, life is different off the Island of LONG (Long Island)

Long Island people, men and women in general tend to be a bit more “guarded”. We don’t rush to say HI to everyone person walking down the street, or talk to “strangers” in the store so readily. Sometimes we move into apartments or houses and don’t even know our neighbors for years!
I think this is because we New Yorkers don’t trust as easily. I could be because of the crime rate, we are always concerned someone is a predator out to rip us off, steal or worse.

ALSO – I do think that in this area of NY, more women do seek men with education and or better income jobs. We New Yorkers have more taxes, more expenses then most parts of the country – so income is very important to survive.

Women on LI in general – take better care of themselves. Nails, clothes, the gym, education, so those that do make that investment in themselves expect a higher quality man – higher dividends for that investment.

But here is some GOOD news for you about LI and NY in general  …
There are
210,000 more single women than single men in the New York metropolitan area! More single women then any other part of the USA.
This makes it a “buyer’s market” for men, and super-competitive for women.
In your age group (35-49) – I have twice as many women calling for single events then men.

So how do you break the ice to meet all these beautiful Long Island women?

Attend some of these events, which bring in the girls!

WINE TASTING events are a BIG favorite of women. Last Feb. 2010 at the Planetarium’s we had 67 singles attend a wine tasting and star-viewing event and 50 of them were women!
SPEED DATING has an equal balance of men and women- (the women’s seats are filled long before the guys!) and there we LI women are forced to break away from the pack of girlfriends and talk with you individually.
Much better for you, and you will see, add some humor to the table and you will see those hardened LI girls sport their beautiful smiles!

SPORTS and ACTIVITY events – Such as Bowling, Billiards, Exercise (yoga, martial arts) Comedy shows, ALL have had a higher women to men ratio of attendance! and even if you don’t meet someone, you have will have a fun night out and make some new friends.

So cheer up, we may be a bit more challenging to meet, but we Long Island girls are worth the effort.

All the best on your quest,

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com



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