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So I got this note from a single woman which I found interesting … here is her dilemma followed by my response…

 

Hi Gail,

I’m not sure if you address this new group of singles, but I know there are a lot of us out here.

The older women who are raising children- whether they be adopted at a late age or given birth to at a late age or many are raising and have custody of their grandchildren.

We never get to go out and babysitter fees are high and we don’t fit into the activities of younger parents meeting each other and bringing their children to events.

I’m thinking maybe no men want to meet us lol… seriously maybe there really isn’t a place for us in meeting someone. We are doomed to be lonely. 🙂 Maybe that one man in a million who never had children and would like to raise one later in life? Not very probable.

Well I just wanted to bring us to your attention that we would love to join things somehow – there are quite a few of us silently out here- but as I said maybe there are no men interested.
Have a great day

Suzie 

 


Hi Suzie,

New group of singles ? I didn’t realize we were categorizing singles … ?

All singles looking for love… of ALL AGES… have their crosses to bear…

*Women in their mid to late 30’s that want to have children who have not yet found “the one” and are afraid of missing the boat on that one…

*Singles that are handicapped physically or mentally but are high functioning or someone battling (or recovered from) cancer and can not find someone to accept them for who they are inside.

*Folks my age (62) that are dealing with aging parents (like raising kids again but worse) that need their care and don’t have enough time to socialize

*Middle aged single parents that still have their adult children living with them (this many singles find a turn off)

*All the “separated” but living with their spouses in the basement … that are doing that until the kids get to be 21 or 18 … who wants to date someone yet they are still living (technically) with their married partner! But they will insist they must live this way for financial reasons and for the “sake of the kids”

*And of course your situation that you described – Middle aged or older singles living with and  raising or taking care of  younger children for whatever the reason

Yet… I know of singles in everyone one of these above situations that DID find love. Will all of them find love? No perhaps not, but does that mean we go around with the belief that it will never happen ?  I think not!

You can choose to be lonely or not. It is a choice.

The time in my life when I was the most lonely, was when I was married ! Living in a very loveless marriage and trapped with young children. Not having the freedom that comes with being single – to arrange my life the way I wanted without having to ask permission.

You don’t have to go out every weekend or weekday to meet someone. But despite your situation, you must find a way to carve out some time for yourself to enjoy a different side of life… meeting new singles.

Hey.. check out my situation… here I was a successful entrepreneur hosting singles events and I could not find someone that would accept this as OK to date! Men would say .. you do WHAT for a living? and you’re not available to date on the weekends because you are working… I would be like .. Dude.. it’s not like I am dancing on tables here.. I am hosting events for singles which I find rewarding, does it mean I will cheat on you? NO that’s not my style and HEY .. what’s wrong with dating on a THURS or WED ? or SUN night ?

I wasn’t about to give up my new found business just to make someone else happy. This went on for 7 long years! And at age 58 I finally met someone that accepted me and my world as OK .. no problem here!

Love is worth waiting for, and does not come easily… even though we live in a very disposable world. But that does not mean no one finds love? I have proof people do find each other, despite their situations (SEE TESTIMONIALS HERE) 

If you have a strong desire to meet someone then do something about it. You can make this choice. Figure out how … FIRST you must make time to socialize

Pursue all and any avenues – Happy hours, backyard BBQ with new singles girlfriends families, take a class, GO to single events, try online dating.
Create opportunities. Be positive.

And most of all be patient and enjoy your time now. It will happen for you .

Warm Regards,

From Gail Adams
www.7inheavensingles.com
Landline- 631 592 9804

#SpeedDating #Singles #Advice #FindLove #dating #longIsland
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Hungry Ghosts looking for Love

From one of my favorite books  – Zen and the Art of Falling in Love

What is a Hungry Ghost?

Someone who cannot find love.

Its not that love has not come their way… Hundreds of time in their life they are led to tables spread with endless food and precious delights, but no matter how much they eat (date)… they cannot be satisfied. Either they aren’t at the table in time, or can’t seem to taste the food or no matter how much they put in their mouths, they continue to search for more. Hungry ghosts might sample one relationship after another yet not knowing how to digest it, never satisfied.

They never know or get to know the REAL person who is actually standing right in front of them.

All they know is that they want more… and more… and more…

They fantasize that someone ELSE… the “perfect person” is about to walk through the door.

Certain wounded hungry ghosts, may appear like they are available for love, but they really only have an intention to “play the game” the game of seducing and teasing and when love does find them…they reject the person. Their pleasure is in withdrawing the love they seem to be offering. This provides these ghosts with a sense of control so that nobody will ever control them through the strange experience of love.

Hungry Ghosts are the single people who enter huge rooms filled with hundreds of single people and immediately say “ there is no one here tonight” they cannot experience or be satisfied with that which life presents. In terms of relationships, they go around and around on a merry-go-round grabbing for the gold ring which is always just beyond their reach. OR if they do catch it, they soon discover to their horror that it is not actually gold! but brass.

All of this is exhausting and disheartening and makes the hungry ghost very sad.

Even when they are with someone they love, they often wonder, could someone else be their TRUE soul mate out there? Could they missing them?

Their painful affliction, which has become quite familiar, has become hard to change.

Its almost like they have developed an affliction for this pattern. Maybe they love being alone?

What the hungry ghost is lacking is the one missing very important ingredient to falling in love…

PATIENCE

It takes time for a person to feel at home in a relationship and to reveal whom they really are so you can see the good inside. It takes time to wait for another and to develop true caring and trust.

Hungry ghost however have a difficult time with patience.

Starving for food and love they will often grab at anything just to satisfy themselves. Sometimes don’t even know the difference between food and garbage! They take in anything in anyway just as long as they can immediately feel full … it’s the hollow feeling they can’t tolerate that drives their lives

Does this information seem to describe you somewhat?

Hungry Ghosts never satisfied?

What can you do to change to become more successful and break the bad karma?

First and foremost we must STOP our attachment to the patterns and false notions that the love we so desperately crave comes from somewhere, or someone else. When we are dependent upon the external world to fulfill us, sooner or later the rock we keep trying to roll up the mountain begins to fall down.

Conditions change

People leave

Our sense of ourselves falters with the changes

Without the hardships, how can we appreciate what is valuable? And just as quickly, love can happen in a second, but we have to be open and ready to accept it.

We discount so many on first impressions while we are waiting for the “right one” to appear.

Take time today to relax, to be patience.

To know wishing or demanding love to happen NOW will only prolong your search.

Enjoy life as best you can, enjoy the days, evenings and weekends making new friends even if you don’t meet “the one” that very night.

To check out this weeks events CLICK HERE

Lots of fun creative ways to enjoy life, make friends and fall in love!

All the best

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!


visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Hey Gail,

I finally got to go out with that “cute guy” I met when I attended your last event. But after going out on a first date with him, I’m not sure if he is “the one”.

When I met my X-boyfriend it was crazy on our first date!

We couldn’t get enough of each other.

Of course he wound up being a total nightmare in the end.

I don’t want to make another mistake like that again.

Any advise on or inside info you can give me to help me make my decision on “the cute guy” ?

Thanks,

“V”

____________________________

Dear “V”

Giving up too soon, or going at 100 miles an hour while dating someone can both lead to disaster!

Truth be told, it takes much more than the 7mins at a SPEED DATING event, followed up with a first REAL date, to know for sure how you really feel about continuing the dating process with someone.

(And for them to realize just how fabulous YOU are too!).

Same goes for online dating.

Chatting on the phone, looking at pics does not mean you can let yourself believe you have “met the one” until you have met and actually DATED “the one” before allowing yourself to go there!

And even if your first outing with a guy or girl doesn’t result in instant chemistry and love-at-first-sight, it doesn’t mean that those intense feelings won’t develop in time once you’ve had a chance to shake off the nerves and get to know the REAL person behind the new date outfit and minty-fresh smile.

On the other hand, trying to speed things up, to a intense relationship level, before the first date is even over is equally as unproductive.

Dating is a process, which will reveal itself as positive experience with future potential or a negative experience with NO potential when the right time has come.

Now sometimes you know right away especially if there are “deal breakers” involved and waving their bright red flags in front of your face!

Here a list of some DEAL BREAKERS or the “Bottom line” decision makers to go forward to the next date, or to abandon ship now!

*  Major “mama’s boy” or still is “Daddy’s princess”

*  Has a history of – or has shown a tendency toward –  ANY kind of abuse (mental, emotional, physical)

*  Person has an activate and present drug or alcohol problem (or smoking cigarettes if that’s on your list too)

*  Shows a complete lack of manners (EXAMPLE- on first date is very RUDE to the waiter/waitress)

*  Emotionally unavailable THIS is a big one we often bypass…(EX: TELLS you not ready to get into a committed relationship, still getting over the “X”)

*  You don’t feel an ounce of chemistry with him (This one is self explanatory!)

*  You’re hopelessly incompatible with one another (*you want kids someday, he never does; you want to marry a Jew, he’s Catholic, etc…)

*  Financially irresponsible life style. (in debt, looking for a way out)

Do yourself a favor and come up with your own list of DEAL BREAKERS today, so they’re always in the back of your mind. It will allow you to weed out the undesirables in the dating pool and leave you with only the most qualified candidates and help you truly become a SELECTIVE DATER.

Now here’s some great simple statements to say to yourself to keep your feet planted safely on the ground for all those SPEED DATERS

  1. I will not compromise my bottom line no matter HOW attractive he or she is!
  2. I realize FANTASIES keep me off balance – I WILL NOT start spinning fantasies about the future no matter how attractive he or she is
  3. If he or she seems to be too good to be true, they probably are.  (*old school rule and works great for dating….)
  4. If this doesn’t work, remember there is still something valuable I will have learned from the experience.

And speaking of dates that don’t go your way… try to remember that dates gone wrong are never a waste of time..

“Nothing ventured nothing gained”

Hope that helps in making your decision, keep in touch and let me know how it’s going!

All the best,

Gail

PS – Got a friend with a hot first date coming up?
Forward this blog – they’ll thank you for it!

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can post a comment below anonymously

or email me direct at info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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