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I have had this question posed to me before from singles, when a woman who has slept with a man early on in the dating stages, suddenly discovers a week or two later…

Golly gee... why does this relationship appears to be only about SEX !

How did this happen?

Or better yet, try to turn it into a REAL relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not passing any judgments here. We are all adults making our own decisions, my goal is to simply enlighten you of the consequences of your actions and how things will play out from that point forward. If you decide to go home and sleep with a guy the very first date or time you meet with him, you really have to adjust your expectations accordingly. You have just made the decision to turn this into a casual night of fun, or “hookup” as some would call it, and once you have made this decision there is no turning back.

If you get a second date, well then consider it an unexpected added bonus to the casual fun night again. Don’t ever think, just because you now have slept together, you two are now property of each other. The “hookup” will never guarantee no matter how good the sex was, that he will be calling again. If that’s your ulterior motive then you just set yourself up for a major disappointment.

I know…  your saying it’s not fair!

Well I didn’t make the rules, and I have broken them enough times to know …they still do exist! And when you do break the rules, be prepared for what follows. Even though a man wants to get physical with you right away, and might even tell (or beg you) it won’t change a thing… that same man will be re-evaluating the relationship as soon as the light of day shows up!

They will always wonder in the back of their minds, if you do this with every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet? And you should question the same in your mind about him… is he with every Jane, Sally and Betty?

Even though it seems like a good idea at the time, and we all love instant gratification, the fact is, a man will more likely respect a women, stay with a women, and want to please her, is the woman that leaves him wanting more. When you hold back a little, that’s intriguing and something to look forward to. Become the object of his desire beyond the initial lust you both feel. THAT works both ways for MEN and WOMEN

If you goal is long term, then take my advise, and hold off, get to know him better, wait until you get the feeling you can trust him. Let him earn your trust firs t. You are worth it !

But end the first date at the bar meeting at the BAR, no matter how well it went!

Sorry guys, but I had to tell them. But you will thank me too when you meet the right girl Just think of  all the drama I am saving you from  those crazy stalking women that will follow you, if you go too far too soon, and then you decide you want to back out of the relationship!

Hey it’s true, I once told a guy that was practically begging me to sleep with him on the first date night  “no thanks… one night stands are like having a Chinese food. It will leave you hungry an hour later.”

Go for the full sit down dinner, trust me it will always be much more memorable.

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

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Hi Gail,

Recently I went out of town and stayed with my girlfriend’s guy friends. I didn’t know at all any of these guys, I had only heard from my friend about how awesome her friends were, which convinced me to stay with them.

When I got there, the minute I saw the guys, in my mind all I could think of is “how cute they were”. Though I knew that both of them had girlfriends I wasn’t apprehensive about flirting with them at all. The first night of my stay went in drinking, building rapport and plain craziness.

I was constantly thinking which one of them should I choose; it’s not every day that a good-looking girl like me is surrounded by good-looking guys!

Anyway as the morning dawned I knew whom I’d like to have a clandestine affair with, hence started a wooing game with the guy. In the back of my mind, I knew he was not really caring about me, cause he had enough of girls to choose from (a Casanova type).

Soon the harmless flirting turned into a power game for me to try to win him over.  For some reason, I forgot why I went on this break… for an important reason, to try to heal my broken heart from a breakup.

I didn’t care that my friendship with my girlfriend was at stake.

I didn’t care that I would be more heart-broken in the end. I knew the truth was that although the man I was pursuing was a sweetheart as a friend, but he is a Casanova who didn’t care a bit about the girl he slept with. He did make it very clear that he would be with his girl till the end. Yet I wanted to be in bed with him, to be able to live my fantasy, and I did exactly that.

When I snapped out of my lust the result was as expected, I had lost my self-esteem, respect and friendship in more ways than one.  I was guilty of being swayed away by emotions, and indulging with a man whose girlfriend loved him dearly. I was so consumed by my own selfish needs that knowingly I let my lust be bigger than my heart.

This happen a few weeks ago and I’m still trying to find ways to deal with it…

Maybe you can give me some advice and insight on what to do at this point?

Signed

FMS

________________________________________________

Dear FMS,

You know and have all the answers to your own dilemma already…

In fact you KNOW you created your own demise and sadness.

You wrote about blowing right past all the “stop signs”, “warnings”, and knew full well what the consequences would be if you blow past the stop signs.

Its like you even SAW the cop sitting there right on the corner- and said…

“Oh looks like I will get caught but what the hell, I don’t want to stop…”

My guess is Alcohol played a big part in this blowing all the stop signs night. It lowers your inhibitions and the silences that little voice called “conscience” that keeps us from being reckless and throw caution to the wind.

Need a “stop button” on that drinking activity especially when hanging around the opposite sex!

So what to do from here is the next plan…

I was once told GUILT is a useless emotion.

Remorse is about making amends.

Saying your sorry to your friend may or may not repair the damage- but doing nothing is worse.

Cut any forms of communications off with the guys that have girlfriends.

YOU deserve more – and make a pack with yourself, from here forward that this was your life lesson.

You respect yourself too much and are way to worthy, to be with anyone for a one-night stand. YOU deserve to be with a man that considers YOU his ONLY love, HIS girlfriend and is Loyal to you!

You can’t change what already happened.

But you can change how you will conduct yourself in the future.

Forgive yourself and LEARN the lesson and move on.

That’s all you can do.

No matter what anyone tells you…remember we have ALL made mistakes.

And some mistakes will mean that some will not forgive us for those mistakes.

But you must forgive yourself, and take the lesson with you and DON’T repeat the mistake! Have some responsible fun.

And speaking of making the same mistake over again…

A saying comes to mind:

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get, what you have gotten.

Peace out Girl Scout!

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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