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So I got this note from a single woman which I found interesting … here is her dilemma followed by my response…

 

Hi Gail,

I’m not sure if you address this new group of singles, but I know there are a lot of us out here.

The older women who are raising children- whether they be adopted at a late age or given birth to at a late age or many are raising and have custody of their grandchildren.

We never get to go out and babysitter fees are high and we don’t fit into the activities of younger parents meeting each other and bringing their children to events.

I’m thinking maybe no men want to meet us lol… seriously maybe there really isn’t a place for us in meeting someone. We are doomed to be lonely. 🙂 Maybe that one man in a million who never had children and would like to raise one later in life? Not very probable.

Well I just wanted to bring us to your attention that we would love to join things somehow – there are quite a few of us silently out here- but as I said maybe there are no men interested.
Have a great day

Suzie 

 


Hi Suzie,

New group of singles ? I didn’t realize we were categorizing singles … ?

All singles looking for love… of ALL AGES… have their crosses to bear…

*Women in their mid to late 30’s that want to have children who have not yet found “the one” and are afraid of missing the boat on that one…

*Singles that are handicapped physically or mentally but are high functioning or someone battling (or recovered from) cancer and can not find someone to accept them for who they are inside.

*Folks my age (62) that are dealing with aging parents (like raising kids again but worse) that need their care and don’t have enough time to socialize

*Middle aged single parents that still have their adult children living with them (this many singles find a turn off)

*All the “separated” but living with their spouses in the basement … that are doing that until the kids get to be 21 or 18 … who wants to date someone yet they are still living (technically) with their married partner! But they will insist they must live this way for financial reasons and for the “sake of the kids”

*And of course your situation that you described – Middle aged or older singles living with and  raising or taking care of  younger children for whatever the reason

Yet… I know of singles in everyone one of these above situations that DID find love. Will all of them find love? No perhaps not, but does that mean we go around with the belief that it will never happen ?  I think not!

You can choose to be lonely or not. It is a choice.

The time in my life when I was the most lonely, was when I was married ! Living in a very loveless marriage and trapped with young children. Not having the freedom that comes with being single – to arrange my life the way I wanted without having to ask permission.

You don’t have to go out every weekend or weekday to meet someone. But despite your situation, you must find a way to carve out some time for yourself to enjoy a different side of life… meeting new singles.

Hey.. check out my situation… here I was a successful entrepreneur hosting singles events and I could not find someone that would accept this as OK to date! Men would say .. you do WHAT for a living? and you’re not available to date on the weekends because you are working… I would be like .. Dude.. it’s not like I am dancing on tables here.. I am hosting events for singles which I find rewarding, does it mean I will cheat on you? NO that’s not my style and HEY .. what’s wrong with dating on a THURS or WED ? or SUN night ?

I wasn’t about to give up my new found business just to make someone else happy. This went on for 7 long years! And at age 58 I finally met someone that accepted me and my world as OK .. no problem here!

Love is worth waiting for, and does not come easily… even though we live in a very disposable world. But that does not mean no one finds love? I have proof people do find each other, despite their situations (SEE TESTIMONIALS HERE) 

If you have a strong desire to meet someone then do something about it. You can make this choice. Figure out how … FIRST you must make time to socialize

Pursue all and any avenues – Happy hours, backyard BBQ with new singles girlfriends families, take a class, GO to single events, try online dating.
Create opportunities. Be positive.

And most of all be patient and enjoy your time now. It will happen for you .

Warm Regards,

From Gail Adams
www.7inheavensingles.com
Landline- 631 592 9804

#SpeedDating #Singles #Advice #FindLove #dating #longIsland

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So you have been dating, you met someone you are really excited about, they are complimentary, attentive, full of excitement about the future. Then suddenly one day, they are MIA (missing in action) no return call for hours or a day or so. They explain they are just busy, nothings wrong but the distance seems to grow. Then it happens, they explain, “its not you its ME”

It could be they are commitment phobic

Commitment phobics are actually tortured souls full of FEAR. They are in a constant state of emotional conflict because of their negative irrational beliefs about love, commitment and relationships.

Generally, commitment phobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married; yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain long-lasting connections. Why? because many have such a long list of must-haves, they probably may not find anybody ever! With the long list of expectations, it is a way of expressing, that they are commitment phobic people. Ironically, in romantic relationships, the commitment phobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for love with the frightening reality of “forever” leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.

One potentially misleading aspect of commitment phobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is the only one with a problem!

In fact, commitment phobic behavior includes those individuals that are “settling” for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationships as well as those fleeing from a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitment phobic.

Here are some clues, which apply to many (but not all) Commitment phobics

1. They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married – there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right person, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favorite line is “someday”.

2. If they have been married it is likely to have been for a short time, or, if they have been in a long term relationship or marriage, they will usually have a history of infidelity.

3. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent people.

4. They are fast to move toward a monogamous relationship, and they pursue ardently until they win the person over.

5. They are very charming. They say and do all the right things and they can be very romantic. They are very good salesmen to get their own needs met, but in reality they have very little concern for the other person’s feelings, as they are always operating from hidden agendas.

6. Commitment phobics love the chase but they don’t want the kill. This may happen after 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months or 1 year. They may start sabotaging just as they are about to get married, or just before or after there’s a decision made to move in together.

7. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman’s family or friends.

8. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility. They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely. They are like this with family and friends as well, although this is not the case in their working environment.

9. They hate planning ahead because that means commitments.

10. Behavioral inconsistencies are very noticeable with these men when they find themselves getting too close. They become argument and abusive, or they create distance. A lot of uncaring sabotage behaviors surface ex: working long hours, taking on new projects, not able to make social commitments with you, not calling back, finding fault with the person they are involved with.

11. The word “forever” terrifies them. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, creating sabotage to make the person want to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so themselves.

How you can handle a commitment phobic

Don’t rush into bed with these types, especially the ones who are very charming and pursue ardently, as they are the ones to be most wary of. Take your time. Listen carefully to a person’s history and actions. As you continue to date, if they tend to exclude you from other areas of their life such as meeting friends, family, hobbies, social get-togethers, the writing is on the wall – beware. Understand that your love and attention won’t change him but not needing him and giving him space might. If you still see things not coming together after some time, get out now…. OR be prepared  to not expect a close committed relationship – be prepared to take the relationship for what it is. You will not change them. Actions speak louder than words. Believe what they do, not what they say.

Favorite saying I once read:

A man of words but not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.

 

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

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I received a call the other day from someone who was thinking of registering for a SPEED DATING event of ours. The woman went on to explain her boyfriend of 6yrs just “left her” and to use her words… was devastated and lost, as she stated she really loved him. She claims she doesn’t even know exactly WHY the breakup happened and doesn’t think she will ever meet anyone again. She can’t seem to get the whole thing out of her mind; so because her friends insisted she should get out, she was calling me to go to the SPEED DATING event.

I told her:

OF COURSE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN!

But are you sure you are ready to do an event like Speed Dating yet?

If you can’t get this off your mind, you may talk about it a bit too much, and if you did, it would not be to your advantage to tell every man you meet at the event what you just told me! How much you loved this man and how brokenhearted you are. Not attractive…

I agree with your friends you need to get out of the house and do something, but I encourage you to be honest with everyone you meet and explain you are joining us tonight to simply make some new friends at this point and leave it at that.


The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal after a breakup or separation.

DON’T isolate yourself, get out and socialize, but don’t look for an immediate replacement!

Instead try just going out just for the fun of … going out!

This is why I host all kinds of events for every stage of this process.

Some are not actually ready at this time to step out and go on a real “DATE”.  So for those I suggest a Speed Dating event, which is really a great way to “practice” dating again for those that have not dated in quite some time. Or for some, a simple mixer such as a single mingle or activity (Bowling, Mini Golf etc.) event is a great way to ‘get your feet wet’.

Or for women- our Ladies Brunch Social (next event Sun Jan 5th) simply to just make some new single girlfriends! For some ladies all they may need at this point, is to get back out there and simply make some new single girlfriends, whom you have more in common with.
The first 6 months to a year after a death of a spouse, divorce, or breakup of a long term relationship, are hard enough; so don’t make it worse by sitting home alone and sulking. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if you have to. Get out there and spend time around caring newly single people like yourself now more than ever.

But date slowly during this process.

What I mean by that is try not to get too emotionally involved so not to repeat the same bad relationship you just got out of!

Take this example: “Debbie” just got divorced. Her husband always expressed anger by yelling. This made her feel out of control. Debbie now swears that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Debbie meets and marries Joe.

Now Joe… never gets angry.

Problem solved – right?

No.

Joe gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry, he becomes silent. Debbie finds that this silence treatment, brings about the same anxiety/stress that her first husband’s yelling did. .

Has she made a bad choice with Joe?

No, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control when Joe gives her the silent treatment instead of yelling. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings all over again. If she blames Joe for her unhappiness, instead of discovering herself, she is destined to divorce again.

To fully rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your ex for everything you wish he/she could have done.

Make the decision to move on and leave the past behind, no matter what it is or how “wronged” you felt you were.

That is the final step in healing and emerging from a divorce or breakup.

Here is a great quote from Sara Paddison:

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes.

Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you.

Love them and release them.

Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

–Sara Paddison

And when you reach this important level of healing you can truly be open again to be with someone else.


All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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