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Posts Tagged ‘single advice’

Hungry Ghosts looking for Love

From one of my favorite books  – Zen and the Art of Falling in Love

What is a Hungry Ghost?

Someone who cannot find love.

Its not that love has not come their way… Hundreds of time in their life they are led to tables spread with endless food and precious delights, but no matter how much they eat (date)… they cannot be satisfied. Either they aren’t at the table in time, or can’t seem to taste the food or no matter how much they put in their mouths, they continue to search for more. Hungry ghosts might sample one relationship after another yet not knowing how to digest it, never satisfied.

They never know or get to know the REAL person who is actually standing right in front of them.

All they know is that they want more… and more… and more…

They fantasize that someone ELSE… the “perfect person” is about to walk through the door.

Certain wounded hungry ghosts, may appear like they are available for love, but they really only have an intention to “play the game” the game of seducing and teasing and when love does find them…they reject the person. Their pleasure is in withdrawing the love they seem to be offering. This provides these ghosts with a sense of control so that nobody will ever control them through the strange experience of love.

Hungry Ghosts are the single people who enter huge rooms filled with hundreds of single people and immediately say “ there is no one here tonight” they cannot experience or be satisfied with that which life presents. In terms of relationships, they go around and around on a merry-go-round grabbing for the gold ring which is always just beyond their reach. OR if they do catch it, they soon discover to their horror that it is not actually gold! but brass.

All of this is exhausting and disheartening and makes the hungry ghost very sad.

Even when they are with someone they love, they often wonder, could someone else be their TRUE soul mate out there? Could they missing them?

Their painful affliction, which has become quite familiar, has become hard to change.

Its almost like they have developed an affliction for this pattern. Maybe they love being alone?

What the hungry ghost is lacking is the one missing very important ingredient to falling in love…

PATIENCE

It takes time for a person to feel at home in a relationship and to reveal whom they really are so you can see the good inside. It takes time to wait for another and to develop true caring and trust.

Hungry ghost however have a difficult time with patience.

Starving for food and love they will often grab at anything just to satisfy themselves. Sometimes don’t even know the difference between food and garbage! They take in anything in anyway just as long as they can immediately feel full … it’s the hollow feeling they can’t tolerate that drives their lives

Does this information seem to describe you somewhat?

Hungry Ghosts never satisfied?

What can you do to change to become more successful and break the bad karma?

First and foremost we must STOP our attachment to the patterns and false notions that the love we so desperately crave comes from somewhere, or someone else. When we are dependent upon the external world to fulfill us, sooner or later the rock we keep trying to roll up the mountain begins to fall down.

Conditions change

People leave

Our sense of ourselves falters with the changes

Without the hardships, how can we appreciate what is valuable? And just as quickly, love can happen in a second, but we have to be open and ready to accept it.

We discount so many on first impressions while we are waiting for the “right one” to appear.

Take time today to relax, to be patience.

To know wishing or demanding love to happen NOW will only prolong your search.

Enjoy life as best you can, enjoy the days, evenings and weekends making new friends even if you don’t meet “the one” that very night.

To check out this weeks events CLICK HERE

Lots of fun creative ways to enjoy life, make friends and fall in love!

All the best

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!


visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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It’s that time of year… and singles that are dealing with a recent death or breakup / separation the transition of making these life changing experiences can be especially challenging during the Holiday season.

No one wants to be alone. Best simple suggestion to help you feel a little better during this adjustment period  try volunteering your time or donating to help those less fortunate.

There are countless charities around that would need your help and would love for you to offer your time or donation.

Volunteer at the local animal shelter or nursing home will help remind you how fortunate you really are despite your current situation.

Check it out and find charitable activities that will stimulate and amuses you.

Visit  Long Island Volunteer Center  pick an organization that you feel most passionate about! Get involved make new friends

Not everyone will be single, but it will make you feel good, and you may just make some new single friends!

7 in Heaven’s Charity picks for this month:

CLEANING ANGELS   by Theresa Family Cleaning  

*Cleans houses for free for those undergoing cancer treatments $65 cleans one house but any amount donation is appreciated

Needs donations in any amount

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HOPE for Youth  (Foster Care assistance)

* Helps Foster children and their families with housing, guidance and support. Goal is to keep them on the right path!

Needs  donations and or – organizations/ businesses that can donate services such as – accounting, youth athletic programs (karate, dance etc..) Printer business for flyers, Taxi services anything that might help! call and ask…..

OR – new toys for older teens- EXAMPLES- Gift Cards for Movies, Mall shopping, Best Buys, Itunes…used or new WEE Games or other electronic games.

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Homeless VETERANS of Northport

*Donations of toiletries such as toothpaste, flip/flops for showers, soap, shampoo are being collected at Events this month for 7 in Heaven. Receive a $5 off coupon at the event for your donation.

* Visit the web site above to see how you can volunteer your time with activities they have for the vets there,

 

Another suggestion is:
Long Island Food Not Bombs

Which is an amazing organization that helps share FREE food to Long Islanders in need.

You can donate food, or items you don’t want and it will go to those that need it!

This community organization shares free groceries, clothing, books, toys, etc… with anyone that can use it.

The people that come to LIFNB don’t just get some food, they share and give a good portion of what a person may need for a whole week.

That means on most days folks can leave with 3 or 4 large bags of fresh organic groceries, (breads, fruits, veggies, protein, juice etc.)

Long Island Food Not Bombs shares every week at these locations:
*Click on the town for more details
Every Sunday @ 2pm in Hempstead
Every Monday @ 5:30pm in Coram
Every Tuesday @ 6:30pm in Huntington
Every Thursday @ 7pm in Farmingville
Every Saturday @ 3pm in BedStuyAnd don’t forget….people need help all year round.

Our jammed packed calendar this month of DECEMBER with fun activities and new places to visit, means there is no reason to be alone this holiday season! come on out and make some new friends!

You can check the Calendar online for more details about this weeks events and other fun stuff on the calendar coming up.

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!


Visit the web site to check out our fun events

http:// www.7-in-heaven.com
Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously


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In the Beatles song  “I’m a loser” we all relate to what their message has to say about being alone and single.  And much advice has been written for us unmarried people… AKA SINGLES.

Most of the advice out there is about: how to find a man, how to woo the woman of your dreams… and of course, how to get hitched. Sometime the books and advice will make you believe, as though marriage or having a boyfriend/girlfriend were the only answer to someone’s problems…or will enable you to take your “respectful” place in society, make you feel more successful now that you found that someone.

However, is this always appropriate?

Don’t get me wrong…there is nothing wrong with being married. However, with a rate of one out of every two marriages ending in divorce, it’s pretty evident that one can’t expect someone else to fulfill them or bring them happiness or completeness, no matter what the love songs say. Also, more people are staying unmarried for longer periods of time, and to me they should be treated with respect and considered as valuable as someone wearing a wedding band.

I have been both married for many years and single now for 8 years, so I know both sides of the fence. I was shocked the first time I experienced this stigma about being single, as being married so young and for many years, I didn’t even know it existed.

It was actually a venue manager, which I will keep anonymous… a few years back when I first started my business.  He became upset when he discovered the other manager and I had arranged to have a single mingle wine tasting event in his restaurant.

He said, “ I don’t want a bunch of SINGLES, in this place, it lowers our standards and cheapens our classy restaurant. We are a family place”

Now outraged I asked him: “Really… SINGLES cheapens your restaurants (?)

Are you aware we have many 9/11 widows in our group? Do they cheapen your place too?

AND for your information, all of us HAVE FAMILIES…some have children, others have sisters, brothers, or maybe elderly parents we take care of. What gives you the right to think we are less for not having a current spouse?

Then I said, “oh let me guess, you are married”

He said “YES and for 25 years” as if he deserved some kind of metal of honor for this.

I couldn’t help but think; perhaps with a guy this rude, it was his WIFE that actually deserved the Purple Heart badge!

I then said “Well good for you!” Let’s hope nothing in life ever changes that for you, because then you would be one of us!”

How did it all end up?

Well I said OK, I’ll gladly take my business and the singles somewhere else, and let each and everyone of them know why, and since I already advertised YOUR restaurant, I’m sure you won’t mind if I have someone stand outside and tell your customers as they arrive the day of the event not to go here if they are single, to go to place XXX down the road instead.

I then went home and called the home office to this restaurant in FL. And let the owners know of the situation. A received a phone call from the rude manager a day later, “eating crow” as they say, apologizing under his breath, and saying we could have our singles event as planned.

That’s because the owners in Florida were not happy about it, and said we DO want your business, we will talk to him.

But boy it was my first eye opener about how people view you if you don’t have someone in your life.

Bottom line:

Don’t take the “how to get married in 6 months” books and all of their so-called “Rules” to catch a man or woman” to heart and think if you don’t succeed in finding someone you are nobody. And ladies, don’t worry so much about quantifying your relationships by “keeping score” as to who called whom first and about whether or not a man is “that into you”.  That drama may be ok for junior high schoolers…but we’re sensible, adult women with interesting careers, lives and better things to do, right?

Instead…when it comes to matters of the heart, you know best what your needs are.

My advice?

Just love and accept yourself, be pro-active in your personal life when seeking friends, lovers, or partners, follow your heart, but don’t get caught up in the moment and take risks when it comes to intimacy (of course, always practice safer sex)

But most of all just let nature take its course. It’s possible for everyone to find someone one special to them. And yes, that means you too! It will happen …whether it’s one year or 20 years or longer. All of those clichés about plenty of fish in the sea and a lid for every pot is true.

However, you are meant to be alone for the short or even long term (and some people are), then accept it and grow from the experience and enjoy this time anyway.

It’s just that simple.

Most important, learn to love yourself in spite of your current relationship status. Don’t fret or let others define your worth or make you feel that you’re a loser because you don’t “have someone.” Trust me the grass isn’t always greener on the other side..and no one has ever died from being unpartnered… but plenty have lost their lives in domestic violence from being in an unhealthy relationship!

Better to be “alone” than be stuck in a relationship that is dangerous to your body, mind, emotions, soul and spirit…for that is the ultimate loneliness!

In the meantime, if the single blues do hit you hard, then try attending some of our fun low pressure activity events to get out of the house and make some new friends. Or  check out some books to help you deal with embracing singlehood and aloneness.

If they don’t work, then try counseling or our Life Coach Heidi for strong caring support and advice. Or join our workshops which will begin again September 16th.

Check the CALENDAR of EVENTS for details.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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