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One of the funniest lines I ever heard about dating was something Chris Rock once said:   “When you date…have you ever notice when you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their “representative”. Then after a about 3 months you meet the REAL Candidate”

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Dear Gail:

I wanted to give you some background on me, and possible you could give me some advice. I have been in the “dating” world for the last 10-years now, and I have not much luck keeping a man in my life for more than a 3-month relationship. Various reasons for this, all BS, but reasons nonetheless — or excuses rather. For example some of the breakup excuses have been:
“You are too good to be with a jerk like me.” (huh?)
“I respect you too much to be dating you casually.” (Did I say I wanted a serious relationship!??)
“You are the type I would take home to my mom, and right now I just want to get laid.” (dude, I never said I wanted to meet your mom!)
“How can you want to date me knowing it’s not going to last? What is the point?” (Urrr…nothing lasts forever, and whatever happened to enjoying the present?)
“I am scared of commitment.” (I don’t want to marry you!)
“It’s not you, it’s me.” (One of my all time favorites)

I’ve had the  “I’m really still in love with my ex” thing, The mutual break-up “you know …we like each other but not enough to keep dating” this one is one of  the cleanest cut ways out.

However, what might be interesting to note is that all these guys went on to have serious relationships after me. I don’t know what to think of that, and maybe I rather not think about it at all.
Maybe I was too easy to catch.

Maybe I shouldn’t have played those stupid games that everyone plays.

Maybe I gave too much too soon.

Maybe I didn’t give enough.

Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten involved with each other in the first place.

Who knows?

It seems like the minute it’s more painful than fun, you get out.

But, when the pattern repeats itself on numerous occasions, repeats you can’t help but wonder.

Anyway, below are the thought process I have held onto that has help me deal with this 3 month cycle of dating:
– You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to: if someone doesn’t want to be with you there is no convincing him into it.
– It’s all about personal growth: whether in or out of an involvement with someone, as long as you’ve grown in some way (together or apart), it was worth it.
– Nobody dies of a broken heart: you fall, you get up, you dust off, you move on.
– Everything happens for a reason.

Someone once told me that you attract what you are ready for.

Maybe subconsciously this is all I have ever been ready for?

A short- term relationship ready for the moment?

Or, have I been missing something to prevent the long term commitment I am seeking?

Single forever?

“Sam”

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Dear Sam,

To avoid finding yourself in this situation, I am going to tell you loudly to STOP what you are doing and step back s-l-o-w-l-y. Dating goes through stages. If you try to avoid one of the stages, problems may develop in the relationship, which may result in you or your partner ending the relationship. When you recognize what stage of dating the relationship is in, you will understand what is called for or needed in order to move through that stage and onto the next stage.

It requires patience and understanding.

Month One: The Meeting

The purpose of stage one is to determine if there is enough physical attraction, chemistry, commonality and interest to warrant dating. For some people, it may take a couple of meetings to determine if they want to date a particular person. Decision to continue will come as long as both parties find each other interesting and fun to be with, and physically attracted to.

Month Two: Dating

Month two is the romantic stage and during this stage both of you want to spend increasingly amounts of time together. People often describe this stage as feeling physically attracted or infatuated with the other person. Because two people are having fun and really attracted to each other. Sometimes they tend to overlook those cute irritants (I call it Rose Color Glasses) of their partner in order to focus on the strong attraction and the positive feelings. But… without this stage of intense infatuation, a relationship can’t move on to the next stage. So if you and your partner are on two different pages with regard to your feelings for each other, it is best for you to be patient and wait for you partner to catch up. Doing this demonstrates to your partner that you are caring, patient and supportive. Too needy or too distance will drive the person further away.

Month Three: The “RELATIONSHIP”

Month three is where differences between the couple begin coming to the surface and it’s usually means make or BREAK in relationship.  Now the focuses are on how the two of you work through disagreements, differences of opinions and ideas as well as different approaches and issues about sex, communication and commitment. It is also an opportunity to both learn and use problem-solving skills with your partner. Arguing in a relationship is not the problem. The problem arises when couples don’t know or use healthy skills to resolve conflict. Stage three is also an opportunity to build a deeper relationship with your partner as each of you recognizes that you are loved and accepted for being your true self. This is where trust develops in a relationship.

Month Six: Independence and Interdependence

Month six is a when the couple learns how to be a couple and still maintain a level of independence within the relationship. During this period of time the couple begins to incorporate their previous relationships skills and fun interests into the couple relationship. For some people the fear of their partner wanting to socialize without them, triggers feelings of insecurity, or fear of an imminent ending to the relationship. If this is the case, the partner with the insecurity does not address his or her own issues, the result maybe unintended break-up. Of course there could be dozens of other reasons too, that why “dating is about discovery”.

One Year: Healthy Commitment

If you reach the one year stage is where the individuals are willing to make decisions about a long term commitment with one another. By now hopefully the couple has built a foundation on trust, honesty and integrity. For some this may lead to marriage for others this means being in a monogamous relationship.

Since you have trouble moving on past the third month, my suggestion to you is to slow down and allow your boyfriend time to realize his feelings for you are deeper than just friends. This won’t happen by you pointing it out to him. It will happen by him going through the stages at his own pace.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Will this be your year to find LOVE?

Image

I love New Years Eve, its a time for renewal, clean slate, new beginnings.

But being single, there is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, many singles dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve, so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do on New Years, or with whom on New Years Eve, was not a problem when I was younger, married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about how I was going to scooping out the room, and try to engage a conversation with someone cute within the last five seconds left. Just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety?

All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

 

Join us for a

GRAND Gala New Years Celebration for Singles 12/31/13

CLICK HERE for all details on PARTY for NEW YEARS

and for our seminar “THE NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR! “

for solid advice from 8 top experts for making this year BETTER!

1/16/14 – NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR Details

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~

Life Coach ~ Speaks on “Boost your self esteem”

Nutritionist ~ on “eat thinner/ healthier”

and more … a total of 10 experts!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

Read Full Post »

Will this be your year to find LOVE?

There is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, they dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do or with whom on New Years Eve was not a problem when I was younger and married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about  scooping out the room and engaging conversation with someone cute with five seconds left just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety? All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Join us for a

GRAND Gala New Years Celebration for Singles 12/31/12 CLICK HERE for all details

and for our seminar “THE NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR! ”

for solid advice from 8 top experts for making this year BETTER!

1/3/13 – NEW YOU for the NEW YEAR Details

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~

Life Coach ~ Speaks on “Boost your self esteem”

Nutritionist ~ on “eat thinner/ healthier”

Feng Shui – how to arrange your home for better health, happiness and new energy and space to allow a life partner to enter !

 

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

Read Full Post »

OK so its Valentines Day

Personally I think Valentine ’s day may have started with good intentions as a day to celebrate love, but nowadays it has become another day to guilt people into shopping compulsively for things that they don’t need or they don’t want to buy in order to express their love.

But for those of us that are single, this can be a rather challenging day to get through without the valentines in your face reminders of our unattached status and not having someone to spend the day in romantic bliss with.

Being single shouldn’t be a reason to feel blue however, and neither should Valentine’s Day. Instead of letting this mostly commercially-fueled holiday drag you down, why not celebrate being single?

Instead of focusing on what you “don’t have” concentrate on what you DO have, celebrate love! For example maybe you are blessed with a loving family,  a sister/ brother you are close to. Your children who love you or fun faithful friends! Spend time with the family and friends in your life that love you at maybe a coffee shop, book store, anywhere but the restaurants packed with both happy and unhappy couples going through the motions!

Remember, when you are single, it doesn’t mean you need to feel ashamed. Whether you are, or are not, in a relationship doesn’t say anything about who you are as a person.

AND if you don’t want to be single, this is a perfect time to reflect on why you are single, and what you can do about it. Are you ready to start dating again? Do you know how to start a conversation with a stranger? Do you spend time in places conducive to meeting new single people?

Where to go on VALENTINES day for Singles

Tuesday Feb 14th 2012SINGLES, if this Valentine’s Day…Isn’t going your way… Come on out and meet someone in non – restaurant/bar venue for FREE! 7 in Heaven is having a special FREE SINGLES Valentines night out – at the beautiful  Dakota Design Center in Merrick

More like a open house party, this open mingle will be providing FREE Coffee/ Tea and goodies to all. (additional drinks available) Mingle with Singles from 7:30pm- 9:30pm make some new single friends or maybe a love connection! DATE MATCH CARDS to help make connections. *Not a SPEED DATING EVENT

We LOVE our singles and this special FREE event is for you!

This will be a non-structured open mingle for ALL ages, so take a chance- you have nothing to lose and see if Cupid is on target tonight!

PS: last FREE Valentines event held in Rockville Centre Book Store we had 72 singles attend!

 

SATURDAY 2/11/12 Pre-VDAY Wine Lovers Dinner Party

WINEuDESIGNHicksville ~ Suggested Ages 30 & up
Doors open at 7:00, join us for a fabulous wine tasting party hosted by a At 8pm the Chief Winemaker sommeliers will give us on a demonstration of the equipment used at the winery used to make each individual private barrel of wine we sample.
$30.00 (pre-paid) /
$35 CASH at doorincludes
LOTS of free wine samples
, wine making demo, DJ Dance Music, Raffle prizes with icebreaker game,  
Appetizers
– Vegetables, Cheeses, meats, olives, bread
Dinner
– Chicken, Meatballs and Pasta dish
Desserts
– Fruit & Cakes and CHOCOLATES. Coffee & soft drinks available too.
Several Give-away PRIZES !
Complimentary BEER, or unlimited Soda for non-wine drinkers.
*Not a speed Dating event-

$5 bring a friend! $25.00CLICK HERE to apply (*Bring a friend discount on PRE-PAID only)

Contact – 7-IN-HEAVEN SPEED DATING & SINGLES EVENTS
631 592 9804       Email: INFO@7-IN-HEAVEN.COM
WEB Site- www.7-in-heaven.com

 

 

ALSO… try these events…

Our Ladies Brunch – to make new single friends (held every 1st Sunday of the month)  FEB 5th in Nassau at RJ Daniels in Rockville Centre  and March 11th in East Islip BEECHTREE

and our Dating Workshops– Held every 3rd Thursday of the month at the Marriott in Plainview Feb 17th topic – Flirting 101

are great places to get started with your new journey!

 

All the best on your quest,

Gail Adams– Event Coordinator

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-
http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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