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This one is for all the ladies out there, that think there are no good guys left. There are plenty of them ladies! Here’s some food for thought on how you might be turning away opportunities by not being open minded.

Dear Gail:

I attended one of your SPEED DATING events and received a date match from that event.

The next day I sent the following email to the date match:

Hi Henrietta,

You and I had a  ‘speed-date’ with 7-in-heaven and since I am not that experienced at this speed dating thing, and have trouble sorting and keeping notes during/after

the ‘date’,  I have just a composite image and details about you. So let’s get together to fill in the details of each of our lives. Maybe we can be friends or…more?

I’ll call you in the next couple of days to work out a convenient time to get together for coffee, tea or light meal and some interesting conversation.

Looking forward to continuing the conversation.

Cordially,

Jake

I called Henrietta a day after that email, she answered and said she is just about to have dinner, she’ll call back and then, it seemed to me, she abruptly hung up!  AND she did not call later.

OK, I thought, let’s try again, you never know what’s going on in another person’s life – I’m trying not to judge.

I called again the next day, left message on cell phone. To date no return call.

Gail, I know men and women communicate in different ways and sometime don’t communicate at all and/or there is much potential for miscommunication, please review the above and give me the benefit of your view on what’s taking place here.

These real life dramas are like a chapter out of your relationship BLOG!

Warmly,

JAKE

————————————————————————————

Dear Jake,

I am a straight shooter! Tell it like it is and based on what you wrote I would like to make this suggestion.

You seem like a low-key, easy going guy JAKE, and would best mesh with someone LIKE you.
Henrietta is a very attractive woman and has a lot of choices as a very pretty woman.
If I had to guess... I would say she was not impressed – that you didn’t EXACTLY know who she was- she may feel she should have STOOD OUT from all the rest, how could you NOT know?

Now, someone more down to earth, practical, would appreciate your honesty and know that they TOO could easily forget some details after meeting a group of people.
This gal, instead of being honest with you, decided to do the age old “blow him off by being unavailable” routine.

You did everything right. It just wasn’t a match, or she is checking out other options available from the event.

No answer is an answer, whether it is from a man or a woman.
Women do tend to be less upfront, as we Venus people… don’t like to hurt feelings so we ladies somehow think no answer is kinder.
BUT MARTIANS prefer a straight up – no thanks answer.

Ah yes, the differences of men and women.

Let this one go, you need to be with someone that is more understanding like yourself.

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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Will this be your year to find LOVE?

There is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, they dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do or with whom on New Years Eve was not a problem when I was younger and married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about  scooping out the room and engaging conversation with someone cute with five seconds left just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety? All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

Happy New Year to all.

Join us for some of our WORKSHOPS coming this month for solid advice on making this year BETTER!

1/6/11 –Intro to Feng Shui

Bring NEW LOVE and Romance New Year ~ Means : New Love and Relationships! Learn about Feng Shui to clear, clean, & make way for NEW ROMANCE this new year! Feng Shui practitioners believe that the best way to attract love is to adjust your environment, to bring, health, happiness and new energy and space to allow a life partner to enter !

1/5/11 – for MEN – for MEN – UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (4 part series)

*How to work with women instead of being frustrated by women.
*Why do women think that way? *What are women looking for in a man? *How to stay out of the “Friends Zone” *HOW TO ATTRACT & KEEP a good woman!

1/20/11 – Dating Success Workshop/Mingle This month’s focus is:

NEW YEAR ~ Single No More Re-evaluation, new direction

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail
7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- http://www.7-in-heaven.com

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A new single client called me and explaned she was newly singles and would like to find alternative ways to meet singles rather then the bar scene.  We briefly went over 7 in Heaven’s Current Calendar of Events and when she realized this particular weekend, was not either too far from her home, or not in her age group…

She went on to say….

I know it may not be in your best interest to suggest other things to do, as I know you run this great singles organization with a ton of things to do, but could you possibility suggest of any other ways to meet singles?

I said  “SURE!

There are many ways to meet new single friends not just at single events or online dating! And no…I am not afraid or concerned about you knowing where or what else to do beside my singles events!”

Yes…we do have a jammed packed calendar of events, but sometimes it still won’t fit every single persons agenda or location for every weekend.

I have always told my clients never to put all your eggs in one basket.

Try everything!

Single events, online dating, let your friends try to setting you up on blind dates, join clubs, talk to strangers in the store (I know your momma told your otherwise, but trust me, its ok now and will open new doors! )

So where can you find these clubs to join?

Well a really good place to start online is http://www/MEETUP.com

There you will find just about everything that interests you! Like to learn how to fly a stunt kite? There is a club for you! How about hiking? Or Bike riding? Dance Lessons? There are hundreds of “meetup” groups to join and to check out. Now … not everyone in many of the groups will be single, BUT don’t let that stop you from going alone! Many couples are very happy to suggest their single neighbor to introduce you to, or maybe it will just be a fun day out for you not alone. With no pressure of having expectations of meeting someone!

Another great way to get out there and make some great new friends is doing Volunteer or attending Charity events!

There are countless charities around that would love for you to offer your time. Volunteer at the local animal shelter or nursing home for a warm fuzzy feeling that you can share together.

During the Holiday season everyone thinks of doing charity work, but what about now? People need help all year round and for those singles that are dealing with a recent death or breakup / separation the transition of making these life changing experiences can be challenging.
Best simple suggestion to help you feel a little better during this adjustment period is Volunteer / Donate to help those less fortunate.

Check out: Island Harvest or Singles for Charities

There you will find a good start to find places and activities to volunteer while making some new friends that will stimulate and amuse you. And if you think about it, those that are caring and willing to give without expecting in return are exactly the kind of people you would like to date! Not everyone you meet will be single but so what?  It’s all about “networking” that may open new doors, leading you to new single people!

And speaking of networking…

Networking itself is another great way to meet people.

What is networking?

It’s a free social event to bring small business owners, entrepreneurs, sales people or non-profit organizations together to help each other.

(Some organizations do have membership fees)

Maybe you have a hobby or talent you would like to promote? Promoting that talent or hobby works at networking too!

I belong to 2 groups in particular that I found to be welcoming and friendly making it easy to be comfortable with everyone.

Long Island Entrepreneurs run by Yvonne

516 / 631 Ads and Networking run by David

Doing many different things to expand your world while seeking a new partner will make any search shorter because time flies while you are having a good time.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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There are 2 small things that you can start doing today to get more dates, and with some luck land yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend in the process.

So lets start with first things first… which is a first impression.

First impressions count and you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

You have just a few minutes (7 minutes at our SPEED DATING EVENTS) to make a good first impression and it’s almost impossible ever to change it. So it’s worth giving each new encounter your best shot. Much of what you need to do to make a good impression is common sense

I get calls all the time asking me what to wear to a singles event from both the guys and the gals. I tell the ladies, and guys, to not overdo it, be you and feel comfortable, but do dress to impress.

When you go to a singles event, get dressed as you would if you were going out on the town. Make sure that you are cleaned up and presentable as best as you can be.

Do whatever it is that you do to get well groomed.

Guys this means visiting your local barber for a haircut. So don’t even have to think about taking that shortcut and wearing a baseball hat to an event! Keep in mind, a nice naked clean-shaven face is sexy guys.

Ladies: if visiting your local salon for a cut and color or to get your nails done, then make sure to make time to do that.

And Ladies do think about the great power in wearing a skirt or dress. It’s obviously the most feminine way to dress. And most women look GREAT in a skirt or dress.
Skirts are very forgiving and make a woman’s “pear shape” into an “asset” if you’ll pardon my French…
Now of course a pair of jeans can be just as gorgeous as a dress – on the right person. But for women to abandon femininity and feel uncomfortable about showing how sexy they are is, well, tragic! Skirts are a woman’s secret weapon to looking and feeling sexy.  Let me tell you….when I wear a skirt it makes all the difference.  The truth is that there is a difference between men and women, and woman should embrace those differences and make them shine!

Men and Women- wear something unique that could be a conversation starter! Ladies- interesting attractive jewelry, Guys… could be something as simple as a fun nickname on your name tag!

And ALWAYS try to look your best even if its just running to the store to pick up some milk.

Hey I once dated someone for 5 months who I met and kept running into at my local 7 – Eleven!

Always put yourself in the best possible position to get dates.

Bottom line is both Men and Women feel good and is attracted to being around someone who takes pride in their appearance AND is confident.

I FEEL good when I look good. And when I FEEL good it shows…

Of course, being confident means more than just what you wear, it’s a complete state of mind.

Women: it’s about truly loving men for the silly creatures from Mars they really are. FAULTS and all… get rid of the man bashing tapes running through your head.

And Men… to succeed with women you need to truly love women for the ever-changing beings we are! As Billy Joel puts it so well in his so ng… “She is frequently kind, and she’s suddenly cruel… she’ll bring out the best and the worst you can be, blame it all on yourself, cause she’s always a woman to me”

Remember it’s what you think in your mind as you walk by any man or woman, know it’s is the confident, non-judgmental thoughts that you have running through your mind, that will RIVET their attention – and they’ll never know exactly why.

Practice it as often as you can on everyone even those you may not date! This way when the real deal comes along you will be fine-tuned.

OK so there you have it… 2 small changes/ improvements you can start with TODAY

1. Dress to impress

2. Think confident  (YES you are one hellva sexy desirable single)

Quote: from Albert Schweitzer:

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success.

If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.

Powerful and somewhat dangerous stuff – go-ahead try it out and have some fun with it!

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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Hi Gail,

I received my matches and honestly do not understand why the lack of matches (?)   I felt a very  good connection with many of the younger women on at least a person level.  Perhaps it is simply an age thing at this point?  I know I am older now, maybe the issue revolves more around being gray and bald? I take really good care of myself and from my perspective, even subtracting for age, I think I would be fairly appealing on various levels to a younger woman.  In the not too distant past, I tried speed dating before and 12 of 15 women were interested.  Any helpful pointers you could offer I would appreciate.  Thanks

Signed “Mr. 49”

___________________________________________________

Dear Mr. 49,

The group of ladies you met last time when you received all those matches were all in the age range of 42-52 – this group of ladies was much younger.

Let me start by saying I can totally understand why older men go for younger women. There’s no denying that they’re, for the most part, in better shape, with better skin, and less baggage from broken relationships.

We older folks may always argue why its best to pick the older mate because “Time creates wisdom”

This is true… but it also creates responsibilities and complications –

Divorce scars, mortgage, kids, career, etc.

All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older.

Hey…let’s face it ladies, it’s a lot easier for an older man with all these responsibilities, to take out a carefree, responsibility free, baggage free, good looking wrinkle free 28-year-old girl!

Now… before any 45+ people get all hot and bothered about this, understand I myself have reached my 52nd birthday and I’m not condoning this. I’m simply just OBSERVING that it happens.

And what I also observe, is Men may want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want older men. Put another way, if a woman in her 30’s has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date a man who is 10 or more YEARS OLDER?

Not many, I’m thinking.

But I bet you are saying to yourself right now…

Hey you’re wrong… I am the exception the 30something year old WILL want  !

I don’t look or feel my age…and my last girlfriend was 15 years younger.

OK so she left me when I lost my job … but we really did love each other!!!

She understood the advantages in dating a 49 year-old guy. He’s a man. He’s got the job and the home and the car, and been divorced with a kid already (ok she did complained a little about the visitation things and my X-wife).

My much young x-girlfriend told me she likes older men because we embody wisdom and stability. We can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. We’re more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than a twenty-something party boy! She even told me once I remind her of her father… strong, nurturing guy who took care of her and treated her like a princess.

Dear older man … there is nothing wrong with you being attracted to a fertile and youthful woman in her 30’s. Really. I’m not judging you. But you must understand that any woman you desire in that age group has choices. Lots and lots of choices. The guy who’s 45- 55 is not on the top of her list. Yes its true. It’s competitive out there for all of us. People have choices. She can go out with a cute, successful man who is 35. Or 40. Or 45. Or 50.

And nobody has more choices than a 30-year-old woman. If she wants to date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house and five years of her age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go online, and wade through a few thousand applicants, go to a few happy hours or attend a few singles events and have a few 1000 options. The point is, she doesn’t NEED a guy who’s 45 when can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40. She doesn’t need a 49 almost 50 something year old guy who will be taking Viagra when she’s in her sexual prime.

Are you getting the idea?

This does not mean that you’re not a great looking in shape guy for your age with a ton to give and the purest intentions. Bald is HOT to many woman,  AND you will on occasion meet a few much younger gals are not so age focused.  What you’re failing to recognize is that what most successful quality younger women really want for the long haul… A peer. A partner or maybe a youthful father for her unborn children to help her raise them.

Not a father figure for herself.

Single middle-aged men and women clients will tell me…”I can’t help what I’m attracted to” And hey, I don’t blame them. However, as long as they close their minds to not dating people who are age-appropriate, they’re really going to struggle and fail miserably.

Singles need to be more flexible about the age thing. Youthful extremely attractive people have tons of options and can afford to be choosy. AND as long as they have the perception of choice, they’re going to choose to trade up for someone a little bit cuter, a little bit richer, a little bit closer. It’s not fair, it’s not right, it just is.

I know… we are just human and want what WE want, even if what we want is unrealistic. So much so are we dazzled by looks and youth that we pass up amazing people OUR OWN AGE who are a much better fit for us.

Yes there will be some younger women that will overlook your age. They usually are the type that have a strong lust of money or maybe they need a daddy figure, but most of the 30 somethings I talk to, are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy who was alive when JFK was alive.

Okay, older men – write to me and tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the EXCEPTION. I’m writing about the RULE.

We all have to come to terms with the person in the mirror as we age. We are no longer on the outside are the youthfully looking person we were 15 years or more ago Mr. Peter Pan…
YES I could afford plastic surgery – how about a face lift, breast lifts, Liposuction or more…
If you ever saw the movie “death becomes her” you would know how I really feel about that kind of stuff.! lol
In the movie, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn fought dearly to keep their youth.. and paid dearly for it in the end.

Why not accept someone who likes you for you not your money or social status? Keep your box of options wide open and remember ….

Age is just a number.


All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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This week on Thursday 2/25 we held our “Flirting 101” workshop for Dating Success Simplified. And I think what we learned was:

Flirting is the ultimate welcome and very easy to give to someone.

When you flirt with someone, you are telling him or her that they are welcome in your world. To be welcomed is a gift and far more meaningful than it appears on the surface.

One of the oldest traditions of mankind is the welcome.

In every time and culture in history, the “welcome” has been a huge part of the social interactions, both small and great.

Welcoming others is a time-honored tradition, which enters many areas of our lives. The best companies know this and make a point of welcoming us when we visit their businesses. We buy welcome mats for our homes; we say “you’re welcome” in our everyday speech.

Those who know how to make others feel welcomed are the most loved and sought-after companions.

On the other hand, not feeling welcome – especially for a man – is a huge rejection. It’s the quickest kiss of death for any potential relationship.

When we don’t feel welcome somewhere, we immediately want to leave. As the saying goes, “I don’t want to go where I’m not wanted.” An ego can be a fragile thing when not handled with care and affection.

Flirting is the ultimate welcome.

What exactly is it to welcome someone?

It is to give someone your attention, and tell them that you are happy to have met them and be with them.

Some of the most seemingly unapproachable men can suddenly become very appealing and sexy indeed when inspired by a little flirting – because they suddenly feel noticed and welcomed.

The key to successful flirting is to keep it light, casual, and playful.

But its also equally important to know when to flirt and know when not to!
Don’t get me wrong – I am all for “assertive” flirting, not to be mistaken with “aggressive” flirting.  It all has to be done in such a way that the other person does not see you as “aggressive”.

I know… “aggressive” is a loaded word that means different things to different people.  I prefer the word assertive, and many men and women love when someone is assertive in flirting and paying attention to them.

But the bottom line is never be fearful of trying.

Go after what you want!

Playing it safe will never win anyone over.

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

OK so sometimes, in spite of our best efforts, or maybe because of them – (trying too hard) things do not always go the way we want them to.

That’s ok too, its all part of the process.

Just it let go.

What is to be is to be, and what is not to be, is not.

If you run into a situation where you find yourself in a “dead end” after trying to be playful / flirty with some, its ok! Don’t freak out.

Just use some charm, and maybe some humor too, you will find it will never steer you wrong in the long haul.

Trust yourself that you will instinctively know just how far to “push” with anyone.

Here’s some links to tips on Flirting for both men and women:

http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt-with-a-Guy

http://www.cosmogirl.com/guys/guide-to-guys/flirt-like-you-mean-it

http://www.wikihow.com/Flirt-With-a-Pretty-Girl

http://www.wikihow.com/Physically-Flirt-with-a-Girl

http://www.ehow.com/how_2324598_via-text-message-easy-steps.html

OK so now you need to go out and practice your flirting skills!

Try them out on strangers in the grocery store, the laundry mat, on the LIRR, or at the mall. Hey… even if you make a mistake, you most likely won’t see them again anyway! AND you will be that much more practiced and ready when you go to a singles event.

*Next Flirting workshop will be Thursday 4/22 place TBD


All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at
info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

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