7 Red Flags In A New Relationship That Are Persistent Signs It’s Not Going To Work Out

by Orna & Matthew Walters

A new relationship is exciting and intoxicating

It’s easy to put on rose-colored glasses and see your new partner as perfect when all the feel-good chemicals are flowing. Don’t let your desire for this relationship to work out obscure your common sense. Ignoring red flags in a new relationship will ultimately lead you to frustration and likely Heartbreak Hotel.

There are no guarantees in love. Having a stringent deal-breaker list only keeps you from risking your heart. The best-case scenario is to keep an eye out for issues that indicate this new relationship is headed in the wrong direction while tucking those rose-colored glasses into a drawer for use later on if things do work out.

7 Red Flags In A New Relationship That Are Persistent Signs It’s Not Going To Work Out

1. Feeling Insecure And Anxious After Spending Time Together

The most important exercise to evaluate a new romantic partner is by paying attention to your feelings when you immediately part. When your date departs are you walking on a cloud?  Or does your inner critic kick into overdrive, causing you to feel anxious as if you didn’t do anything right?

Feeling anxious or insecure that you may have blown the relationship or tearing yourself up thinking you’ve done something wrong is a red flag in a new relationship that must be examined.

If your feelings are out of character, for example, you consistently feel insecure and unsure of yourself even though you are usually a confident person is a severe red flag.

This new relationship is doomed if you regularly criticize yourself, or if you find that you are twisting into a pretzel in order to please them.

A healthy relationship inspires you to feel good about yourself and your life. This “high” is a natural component of a new relationship. It is the fuel that keeps your relationship growing and evolving so be sure you don’t try to go without it no matter how hot they are – it won’t last.

2. Disagreements Are Regularly Deadlocked

Conflict will arise in every relationship. You won’t agree 100% of the time with anyone. It’s not a red flag in a new relationship to have some bumps along the way. This is all part of figuring out if this new relationship has legs, and if you can repair and reconnect after a disagreement.

However, if your conflicts regularly blow up into fights, it’s likely that the relationship won’t last and is not ideal for you.

You can’t resolve an argument by ignoring it and hoping it will just go away or by using sex to make up in an attempt to move on without cleaning it up. Your disagreements will become chronic and neither of you will feel safe enough to create emotional intimacy. If you don’t speak up about the issues between the two of you, they will become a wall between your hearts that pushes you apart.

In a healthy relationship, both people take responsibility for their triggers and wounds. By doing so they can create a strong bond by reuniting and reaffirming your love for one another. Avoiding conflict and hoping it will magically disappear is never the answer.

A major red flag in a new relationship is when one person cannot take responsibility for their half of a disagreement. Be sure that you are not allowing fights to fester or regularly fall into a stalemate.

3. The Past Gets In The Way Of The Present

Everyone experiences heartbreak. Ideally, you take time to heal from it and move forward with renewed hope. However, it is a red flag in a new relationship if one or both of you is still stuck on the past or feeling bitter and angry about an ex.

If your partner is constantly complaining about their ex, it could be a red flag in a new relationship. Maybe you are the one stuck in the past and can’t let go of anger and resentment toward your ex. It may be appropriate to get professional help to release those feelings.

If your heart is not open and ready to risk again, then it will be difficult for love to grow between the two of you. Rebound relationships are a huge red flag to look out for. Don’t settle for someone who is stuck licking their wounds.

Ideally do the work of healing your heart before you begin to date again so your heart is available to let love in and find an ideal match.

4. You Feel Obsessed And Overwhelmed

Infatuation is intoxicating and all new relationships have the chemical high of “falling” in love. It is a red flag in a new relationship if you’re feeling obsessive and consumed with the relationship. Another red flag to look out for is if your partner wants to move the relationship forward really quickly before you really know each other.

If you can’t stop thinking about your partner and can’t focus on other things in your life, it is a sign there is an unhealthy dynamic between you. This is also true if your partner is obsessing about you and wanting to merge your lives together as soon as possible.

A healthy relationship feels grounding and inspiring at the same time like you have roots and wings. It’s okay to take things slowly and discover more about each other over time. If you two are an ideal match, you’ll have the rest of your lives together, so there is no need to rush in.

5. Boundaries Are Missing From The Relationship

Respectful love has a boundary. This means that you can’t treat your partner however you like just because you’re in a bad mood. Also, it’s unacceptable for your partner to blame you and make you the scapegoat of the relationship. It is a red flag in a new relationship if you don’t have healthy boundaries. Remember, you are actually two completely different people.

When there are no boundaries between you, then you can treat each other badly and place blame on the other. A lack of boundaries can mean that your wants and needs are unimportant and that your partner takes up all of the oxygen in the relationship.

Without boundaries, you’re in a co-dependent relationship. This means only one person’s needs are being met and the other persons are not. If you have to sacrifice your needs for the relationship run! Love does not require sacrifice.

In a healthy relationship, two people come together and create a third entity, the relationship. You both take actions to fuel the relationship when necessary and to receive from the relationship when desired. Both of you take responsibility for your own emotional life.

6. The Relationship Stays In A Bubble

Part of coming together in a new relationship is merging your lives together. You become a part of his group of friends, and he becomes a part of yours. When the time is right, you both introduce one another to your families. It is a red flag in a new relationship if the relationship exists within an isolated bubble and you never become a part of each other’s inner circle.

Your relationship isn’t more exciting because it’s a secret. If someone is hiding you from the rest of their life, then what else are they hiding from you? There is a lot to discover when you see how they interact with their friends and family as well as yours.

If your friends and family are not supportive of your choice for a partner, it could be an opportunity to take a deeper look at them. You could discover you don’t like who your partner is when they are with their friends. How they behave with your family will clue you in as to whether or not they are capable of being your ally.

In a healthy relationship, your relationship will thrive when it includes more than just the two of you.

7. Lack Of Shared Values

There is a lot of focus on finding someone who you are compatible with when you’re dating. You desire to be with someone who shares your hobbies or who likes the same kind of entertainment as you. However, you may miss what is really important to evaluate if your love is to last – it is a red flag in a new relationship if you don’t share the same goals and dreams in life.

Just because you both like the outdoors or share a love of Disneyland doesn’t mean that you want the same things out of life. If you aren’t on the same page about the important things, then you will find it difficult to survive the inevitable curve balls life throws your way. It’s great that you have activities that you share, but that is not enough for love to last.

For a love to last over time you’ll need to be with someone who shares the same values as you do. This is how you can always work together toward a common goal.

In a healthy relationship, you take the time to discover what is really important to each other. You discuss the hard things like money, spirituality, and your expectations for a life together. That way when difficulties arise you can respect your different strategies for dealing with stress because you know you are on the same page.

Don’t let the rush of emotion blind you to the red flags in a new relationship that can sabotage your desires. Taking a conscious approach to love can give you the insight you’ll need if the two of you have what it takes to create long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.

Looking for a new approach to finding love that will last as well as avoid all of these red flags? Download our special report, “7 Steps To Soulmating™.” You’ll receive our top dating strategies that have helped thousands to change their love strategies and finally create their soulmate relationship.

Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

This entry was posted in: Blocks to Love, Dating 101, Lasting Love

* 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Marc and Angel, two passionate writers, life-hackers and “admirers of the human spirit,” have come up with an amazing list of 30 things to stop doing to yourself. If you like their list, make sure you check out their site and sign up to their amazing newsletter.

#1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

#2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

#3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.

#4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

#5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

#6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

#7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.

#8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

#9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.

#10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.

#11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.

#12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

#13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

#14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

#15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

#16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

#17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

#18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

#19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

#20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.

#21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

#22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

#23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

#24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.

#25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

#26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

#27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.

#28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

#29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

#30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Credit: marcandangel.com

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Warm Regards,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804631- 592-9804    EMAIL: info@7-in-heaven.com

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* Will this be YOUR year to find Love in 2023 ?

Will this be your year to find LOVE?

I love New Years Eve, its a time for renewal, clean slate, new beginnings.

But being single, there is so much expectation when it comes to New Year’s celebrations. The pressure on single people is even stronger to make it a big night. As a single person, you want to leave the past year of heartbreak and romantic misfortunes behind, and see all the possibilities of having a successful new year finding love thinking, “this is going to be MY year.”

Secretly, though, many singles dread the thought of standing alone at the stroke of midnight yet again.

When I first became single again after over 20 years of being married, I had great stress and anxiety over finding something to do on New Year’s Eve, so I wouldn’t have to spend it alone. What to do on New Years, or with whom on New Years Eve, was not a problem when I was younger, married, and raising small children.

First New Years Eve party as a single person was awkward. As the clock got closer to midnight and we all grabbed our champagne toast, I thought about how I was going to scooping out the room, and try to engage a conversation with someone cute within the last five seconds left. Just in time to create that magical moment at twelve. But with way too much expectations which lead to disappointments at 12:01 am, I was ready to go home as if I made it through to the finish line. Another new year’s party, next year I will find him.

Looking back now I know that my efforts weren’t about kissing someone at midnight, but about the deep desire to belong and be a part of the couple world again. My mind would trick me to believe that if I kissed someone at midnight that I would somehow be normal and not a big loser without a date or a partner. I exaggerated what New Year’s meant and how others perceived me if I was alone.

The holidays bring a lot of pressure to the single person. Finding a date for the office party, and just concern about being alone for the holidays can be emotional. The kiss at midnight on New Years, becomes a symbol of somehow being back on top, in control of your life and lovable. I was using those random nameless guys to build myself up and the moment never really matched my romantic expectations.

What lies do you tell yourself about this time of year that brings you anxiety?

All of the suffering you experience comes from within your mind. Sure, it is natural for us to want to be connected with others and be loved, but the mind can exaggerate the situation and make up images of a dreaded future of you being old and alone forever.

Instead of seeking someone random to kiss to cover up the pain, you can face the demons of your mind head on and stop believing the lies. First, start by being grateful for what you already have in your life (instead of what you don’t have yet). Then, realize that the book of your romantic life isn’t ending if you don’t have a date this New Year’s Eve but that it is just another passing chapter.

The next chapter of your life can be written as you desire. To avoid a repeat year of heartache, start to focus forward instead of looking back and refrain from seeing your situation as unchanging. You are always changing and growing anyway, so don’t resist and allow new love to flow in to your experience.  The only thing that holds you back is your own mind telling you that things aren’t going to get better. What you believe becomes your reality, so what do you want to believe?

It was my strong desire to find true love that led me on my own personal journey and ultimately the work I do today. You may not be able to predict when your true love will arrive, but you do have a choice as to how you feel in the meantime. You can listen to the cranky doubter who says “its so hard being single and dating, everyone is crazy” or you can listen to the cheerleader that tells you that true love is on the way. The doubter will give you what you have always got and settle for a random New Year’s kiss, but the cheerleader will open doors to your romantic dreams fulfilled.

Singles Join us for a

GRAND Gala New Years Celebration for Singles 12/31/22

CLICK HERE for all details on PARTY for NEW YEARS

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- https://7inheaven.com

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You can comment below anonymously

*Hungry Ghosts looking for Love

Hungry Ghosts looking for Love

From one of my favorite books  – Zen and the Art of Falling in Love

What is a Hungry Ghost?

Someone who cannot find love.

Its not that love has not come their way… Hundreds of time in their life they are led to tables spread with endless food and precious delights, but no matter how much they eat (date)… they cannot be satisfied. Either they aren’t at the table in time, or can’t seem to taste the food or no matter how much they put in their mouths, they continue to search for more. Hungry ghosts might sample one relationship after another yet not knowing how to digest it, never satisfied.

They never know or get to know the REAL person who is actually standing right in front of them.

All they know is that they want more… and more… and more…

They fantasize that someone ELSE… the “perfect person” is about to walk through the door.

Certain wounded hungry ghosts, may appear like they are available for love, but they really only have an intention to “play the game” the game of seducing and teasing and when love does find them…they reject the person. Their pleasure is in withdrawing the love they seem to be offering. This provides these ghosts with a sense of control so that nobody will ever control them through the strange experience of love.

Hungry Ghosts are the single people who enter huge rooms filled with hundreds of single people and immediately say “ there is no one here tonight” they cannot experience or be satisfied with that which life presents. In terms of relationships, they go around and around on a merry-go-round grabbing for the gold ring which is always just beyond their reach. OR if they do catch it, they soon discover to their horror that it is not actually gold! but brass.

All of this is exhausting and disheartening and makes the hungry ghost very sad.

Even when they are with someone they love, they often wonder, could someone else be their TRUE soul mate out there? Could they missing them?

Their painful affliction, which has become quite familiar, has become hard to change.

Its almost like they have developed an affliction for this pattern. Maybe they love being alone?

What the hungry ghost is lacking is the one missing very important ingredient to falling in love…

PATIENCE

It takes time for a person to feel at home in a relationship and to reveal whom they really are so you can see the good inside. It takes time to wait for another and to develop true caring and trust.

Hungry ghost however have a difficult time with patience.

Starving for food and love they will often grab at anything just to satisfy themselves. Sometimes don’t even know the difference between food and garbage! They take in anything in anyway just as long as they can immediately feel full … it’s the hollow feeling they can’t tolerate that drives their lives

Does this information seem to describe you somewhat?

Hungry Ghosts never satisfied?

What can you do to change to become more successful and break the bad karma?

First and foremost we must STOP our attachment to the patterns and false notions that the love we so desperately crave comes from somewhere, or someone else. When we are dependent upon the external world to fulfill us, sooner or later the rock we keep trying to roll up the mountain begins to fall down.

Conditions change

People leave

Our sense of ourselves falters with the changes

Without the hardships, how can we appreciate what is valuable? And just as quickly, love can happen in a second, but we have to be open and ready to accept it.

We discount so many on first impressions while we are waiting for the “right one” to appear.

Take time today to relax, to be patience.

To know wishing or demanding love to happen NOW will only prolong your search.

Enjoy life as best you can, enjoy the days, evenings and weekends making new friends even if you don’t meet “the one” that very night.

To check out this weeks events CLICK HERE

Lots of fun creative ways to enjoy life, make friends and fall in love!

All the best

Gail

7 in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com
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*Loneliness (it’s how you choose to socialize)

One of the biggest causes of unhappiness is loneliness.  I’m not referring to having somebody special in your life; having a significant other doesn’t mean you won’t be lonely.  Being lonely generally stems from lack of social stimulation.  The technology age is definitely perpetuating this by means of text messaging, Facebook, Twitter and other ‘Social Networks’.  People are so addicted to these forms of social technology that they forget humans require real genuine human interaction. Socially insecure people tend to gravitate to online socializing because they have more control over the amount and timing of their interactions.  Reducing face to face interactions tends to reduce social anxiety for less extroverted individuals. Unfortunately staying within your comfort zone, limits personal growth, and prevents the development of valuable face to face relationships.

Don’t have something to do tonight? Instead of commenting on everybody’s Facebook statuses, give somebody a call and go out for a drink, you would be surprised how much better it feels to talk to a real life physical human being.

If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am going to be blunt,  YOU ARE WRONG.  You can’t be in a healthy relationship until you are happy independently.  Using somebody else as a crutch for your happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship.  If you are struggling to find a companion, stop looking in bars and stop looking online.  Consider joining activity clubs for singles or participate in a group activity that encourages socialization.  You will meet like minded people who share more in common with you that booze or Facebook friends.

If you really struggle with making friends, read Dale Carnegie’s classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People“.  This book was written in 1937 and still stands true to this day. It will supply you with the tools needed to form amazing relationships.

Or visit this page 10 Good Tips to help you fight Loneliness

or step away from the computer and start meeting real singles in person today!

SEE CALENDAR of EVENTS 

Warm Regards,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

 On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804   

*Finding Love despite any current situation…

So I got this note from a single woman which I found interesting … here is her dilemma followed by my response…

 

Hi Gail,

I’m not sure if you address this new group of singles, but I know there are a lot of us out here.

The older women who are raising children- whether they be adopted at a late age or given birth to at a late age or many are raising and have custody of their grandchildren.

We never get to go out and babysitter fees are high and we don’t fit into the activities of younger parents meeting each other and bringing their children to events.

I’m thinking maybe no men want to meet us lol… seriously maybe there really isn’t a place for us in meeting someone. We are doomed to be lonely. 🙂 Maybe that one man in a million who never had children and would like to raise one later in life? Not very probable.

Well I just wanted to bring us to your attention that we would love to join things somehow – there are quite a few of us silently out here- but as I said maybe there are no men interested.
Have a great day

Suzie 

 

---

Hi Suzie,

New group of singles ? I didn’t realize we were categorizing singles … ?

All singles looking for love… of ALL AGES… have their crosses to bear…

*Women in their mid to late 30’s that want to have children who have not yet found “the one” and are afraid of missing the boat on that one…

*Singles that are handicapped physically or mentally but are high functioning or someone battling (or recovered from) cancer and can not find someone to accept them for who they are inside.

*Folks my age (62) that are dealing with aging parents (like raising kids again but worse) that need their care and don’t have enough time to socialize

*Middle aged single parents that still have their adult children living with them (this many singles find a turn off)

*All the “separated” but living with their spouses in the basement … that are doing that until the kids get to be 21 or 18 … who wants to date someone yet they are still living (technically) with their married partner! But they will insist they must live this way for financial reasons and for the “sake of the kids”

*And of course your situation that you described – Middle aged or older singles living with and  raising or taking care of  younger children for whatever the reason

Yet… I know of singles in everyone one of these above situations that DID find love. Will all of them find love? No perhaps not, but does that mean we go around with the belief that it will never happen ?  I think not!

You can choose to be lonely or not. It is a choice.

The time in my life when I was the most lonely, was when I was married ! Living in a very loveless marriage and trapped with young children. Not having the freedom that comes with being single – to arrange my life the way I wanted without having to ask permission.

You don’t have to go out every weekend or weekday to meet someone. But despite your situation, you must find a way to carve out some time for yourself to enjoy a different side of life… meeting new singles.

Hey.. check out my situation… here I was a successful entrepreneur hosting singles events and I could not find someone that would accept this as OK to date! Men would say .. you do WHAT for a living? and you’re not available to date on the weekends because you are working… I would be like .. Dude.. it’s not like I am dancing on tables here.. I am hosting events for singles which I find rewarding, does it mean I will cheat on you? NO that’s not my style and HEY .. what’s wrong with dating on a THURS or WED ? or SUN night ?

I wasn’t about to give up my new found business just to make someone else happy. This went on for 7 long years! And at age 58 I finally met someone that accepted me and my world as OK .. no problem here!

Love is worth waiting for, and does not come easily… even though we live in a very disposable world. But that does not mean no one finds love? I have proof people do find each other, despite their situations (SEE TESTIMONIALS HERE) 

If you have a strong desire to meet someone then do something about it. You can make this choice. Figure out how … FIRST you must make time to socialize

Pursue all and any avenues – Happy hours, backyard BBQ with new singles girlfriends families, take a class, GO to single events, try online dating.
Create opportunities. Be positive.

And most of all be patient and enjoy your time now. It will happen for you .

Warm Regards,

From Gail Adams
www.7inheavensingles.com
Landline- 631 592 9804

#SpeedDating #Singles #Advice #FindLove #dating #longIsland

*Forgiving and letting go after a breakup

I received a call the other day from someone who was thinking of registering for a SPEED DATING event of ours. The woman went on to explain her boyfriend of 6yrs just “left her” and to use her words… was devastated and lost, as she stated she really loved him. She claims she doesn’t even know exactly WHY the breakup happened and doesn’t think she will ever meet anyone again. She can’t seem to get the whole thing out of her mind; so because her friends insisted she should get out, she was calling me to go to the SPEED DATING event.

I told her: 

OF COURSE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN!

But are you sure you are ready to do an event like Speed Dating yet? 

If you can’t get this off your mind, you may talk about it a bit too much, and if you did, it would not be to your advantage to tell every man you meet at the event what you just told me! How much you loved this man and how brokenhearted you are. Not attractive…

I agree with your friends you need to get out of the house and do something, but I encourage you to be honest with everyone you meet and explain you are joining us tonight to simply make some new friends at this point and leave it at that.

The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal after a breakup or separation.

DON’T isolate yourself, get out and socialize, but don’t look for an immediate replacement!

Instead try just going out just for the fun of … going out!

This is why I host all kinds of events for every stage of this process.

Some are not actually ready at this time to step out and go on a real “DATE”.  So for those I suggest a Speed Dating event, which is really a great way to “practice” dating again for those that have not dated in quite some time. Or for some, a simple mixer such as a single mingle or activity (Bowling, Mini Golf etc.) event is a great way to ‘get your feet wet’.

Or for our newbie’s to dating… try our Social Networking Brunch (CLICK HERE for the NEXT Suffolk or Nassau event ) simply to just make some new single friends! For some  all they may need at this point, is to get back out there and simply make some new single friends, whom you have more in common with.

Or even better… attend one of our Dating Discussion Workshops held once a month with a different topic each month CLICK HERE for our next event!

The first 6 months to a year after a death of a spouse, divorce, or breakup of a long term relationship, are hard enough; so don’t make it worse by sitting home alone and sulking. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if you have to. Get out there and spend time around caring newly single people like yourself now more than ever.

But date slowly during this process.

What I mean by that is try not to get too emotionally involved so not to repeat the same bad relationship you just got out of!

Take this example: “Debbie” just got divorced. Her husband always expressed anger by yelling. This made her feel out of control. Debbie now swears that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Debbie meets and marries Joe.

Now Joe… never gets angry.

Problem solved – right?

No.

Joe gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry, he becomes silent. Debbie finds that this silence treatment, brings about the same anxiety/stress that her first husband’s yelling did. .

Has she made a bad choice with Joe?

No, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control when Joe gives her the silent treatment instead of yelling. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings all over again. If she blames Joe for her unhappiness, instead of discovering herself, she is destined to divorce again.

To fully rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your ex for everything you wish he/she could have done.

Make the decision to move on and leave the past behind, no matter what it is or how “wronged” you felt you were.

That is the final step in healing and emerging from a divorce or breakup.

Here is a great quote from Sara Paddison:

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes.

Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you.

Love them and release them.

Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

–Sara Paddison

And when you reach this important level of healing you can truly be open again to be with someone else.

 

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at gail@7inheavensingles.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

*Difference between wanting somebody and needing someone

Recently a close friend called to tell me that she’s breaking up with her fiancé, who she has been with for six years.

They got engaged just last year and were even planning to buy a new house together.

Of course, it came as a huge shock, as I had always thought everything was running so perfectly for her (or, at least, that’s how it seemed on her social media).

I remember she met her now ex boyfriend/fiancé during freshmen year of college. He was her “first love,” as she had never had a boyfriend before him. All her friends, including myself, were really happy for her.

The two of them stuck together for the whole four years of college, and even went on a graduation trip to Europe together afterward.

Then, she moved to another state for work and they began a long-distance relationship. That arrangement lasted for just over one year before they got back to living in the same city again. And before long, he proposed, she said yes and they got engaged.

Everything was “going according to plan,” like most fairytales we know that center around the idea of first loves and happily ever afters.

But then, like a cruel twist of fate, things began to change. My friend suddenly fell out of love with the person she would marry.

“How do you know if you are still in love with someone, or if you’re staying because of the familiarity?” she asked me over the phone.

At the time, I was pretty taken aback by her frankness. “Give me a moment to think about it. I want to give a clear answer to you,” I replied. And, after a minute or two of awkward silence on the phone, this is how I broke it down for her:

There’s a difference between wanting somebody/something and needing something/someone.

Here’s an analogy: You want a Prada bag, but you don’t exactly need one. Of course, your desire for that particular thing you want can be weak or strong, depending on several things.

You may want something really badly, with every ounce of strength that you possess,
or you may only want it half-heartedly. On the other hand, you need oxygen; there is no real desire for it, but you have to have it, nonetheless, for survival.

Of course, there are circumstances in which a need may become a want. For instance, when you’re drowning, the need for oxygen gets so strong that the need becomes want.

In those few seconds, you want oxygen like you want your life — literally. Often, we only truly appreciate the value and necessity of some things only when we lose them, don’t we?

Want and need can be really different, but at times, pretty similar. So, what is love? Here’s the answer to the million-dollar question: Love is when you want what you need and need what you want.

Now, let me spell it out for you further.

I believe most love relationships start out with a state of wanting. When you fall in love, you want the other person very, very much.

And then slowly, over time, as you love, you also become more and more accustomed to that person, so much so that you might even feel as though you can’t live without him or her. This is when want becomes need. When you want and need something simultaneously, you can call it love.

When you truly love someone, you know that you want him or her. You can feel that craving in the depth of your soul and in every nerve and every fiber of your physical being. It may feel almost like an addiction or an unyielding obsession.

You know that there is lust, but there is also something more. It’s something that truly satisfies, yet leaves you wanting more. Indeed, love can leave you in a vulnerable state. Perhaps this is where “want” transcends into “need.”

It’s when you have become so dependent on the other person for your emotional and physical demands that you can’t live properly if he or she disappeared from your life completely.

With this person, you can feel a sense of familiarity and assurance that comes with his or her acceptance of you. You feel safe with him or her.

In a way, love can become a comfort zone, a refuge you can run to. Though, in another way, it can also be a dangerous place where you might get yourself or the other party really hurt.

After a breakup, it’s unavoidable that you will feel slightly needy because now that you’re out of your comfort zone, you just want to feel safe again.

My friend did admit to me that in her head, she didn’t want her ex as a boyfriend or lover anymore, yet in her heart, she still had feelings for him, and thus she felt deeply perplexed.

“This is not love that you’re feeling,” I tried to explain, “It’s nostalgia. Even if you were to get back together after he comes begging at your feet, you might be satisfied for a while, but you won’t stay satisfied for long.

Because, in the end, he is still not what you want. He was, but that’s the past. You loved him, but now, you don’t. Now you feel like you need him only because he’s part of what that feels familiar.

Undeniably, he’s the safer choice, compared to being single again after such a long time. But, I can assure you that if you settle for this half-assed love, you are risking nothing but your future happiness.”

My friend knew that I was right, and I knew I was right, too. Yet, I was also fully aware that it might be slightly hypocritical of me to set such high bars for her. At the end of the day, it’s not me who will suffer the consequences of my advice — she will.

Still, I wouldn’t have given her advice that I would not personally follow. No one said going through breakups is easy, let alone leaving the person you thought you would marry. Yet, it’s definitely better than running away on the wedding day, right?

The truth is, love is never completely black and white. In fact, I think 80 percent of it is grey matter. Love can fade just as quickly as it can surge and fill your entire being with its magical feelings of happiness and bliss.

Lust is part of love, but love cannot be defined solely by the feeling of wanting someone. Desires can be ephemeral, just like feelings are mercurial.

And, when you need someone but do not have that insatiable want for him or her, it could be nostalgia or just lazy dependency.

Don’t settle for less. Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone in search of a person who could be better for you either. Like they say, you accept the love you think you deserve.

Take some time and think about it. Some things are better late than never, and love is certainly one of them.

Source – Elitedaily.com
Author – Keay Nigel

Loving others starts with Loving yourself

Are You Secretly Judgmental Of Others?

Do you notice that you often secretly judge others?

For example, your sister tells you about a new car she bought and you think, She can’t possibly afford that car on her salary. She’s so irresponsible about money.

Or your partner leaves his dirty dishes in the sink before heading out to meet his friends and you think, He’s so lazy and sloppy. It drives me bananas.

Throughout the day, every day, you find yourself silently criticizing others.

My co-worker at work has gotten scatter-brained… my neighbor is too nosy… my friend is too self-absorbed with posting selfies on social media…

What does this all mean?

Are you surrounded by people who don’t have their act together?

Is society just falling apart?

Or is this a clue about something way deeper and way more fundamental about YOU?

How Your Relationship With Others Brings Up The Next Biggest Thing You Need To Learn About Yourself

When we judge others or feel our “buttons being pushed” by the things they say and do, we may actually be projecting our feelings onto others.

We are accusing others of the very things we disown or reject about ourselves.

Here’s how it works…

Let’s say you have a fear of rejection that stems from something far back in childhood.

More than likely, you’re unaware of this fear. You haven’t yet acknowledged it. Or you know about it, but reject that it’s an issue.

Your subconscious mind is aware of it, though. And that part of your mind will always seek opportunities to work out this old issue. It will lead you into situations where you can bring that fear into your awareness.

In other words, you will enter into relationships with people who will “trigger” that fear or unacknowledged emotion inside you.

You will attract a relationship where your partner will withdraw, act cold, make plans with his or her friends instead of with you, have a hobby they love that doesn’t (or can’t) involve you, etc.

Instead of causing you to face and accept your fear, their behavior will cause you to be secretly judgmental or critical.

You don’t think, Hmm, I’m feeling afraid that he’s going to abandon me and I’ll be alone again.

Instead you think, He never spends time with me, he’s off having fun instead of fixing these things around the house, he’s wasting money playing golf all day when he should be saving money and spending the day with me.

Another example – let’s say that you consider yourself a neat, tidy and financially conservative person. You keep your home and car clean and you never spend more than you make.

But deep down, you’re really someone who wishes they could forgo responsibility for a while, kick up their feet, and be self-indulgent for a change.

However, you don’t want to admit that to yourself. It’s just not something you accept about yourself, for whatever reason. Maybe in childhood you were rejected for being that way.

Your creative mind will actually draw you into situations where you are around people who seem sloppy, irresponsible and flaky.

And instead of admitting that you’re a little bit like them, you will find yourself secretly complaining about them.

What Do You Need To Accept About Yourself In Order To Love Yourself?

When you don’t, or can’t, acknowledge your feelings or accept something about yourself, it’s a sign that deep down, you don’t love yourself.

And if you don’t love yourself, you’ll never feel completely at peace with yourself and the world around you.

You’ll always find something to complain about, and the people in your life will always seem to be less than perfect, because YOU think you’re less than perfect.

Unless you can learn to love yourself, and accept yourself and your feelings, you’ll never be able to be fully loved by anyone else, either.

How This One Breakthrough Can Change Your Whole Life

There was a time in my life many years ago when I so badly wanted love and acceptance, but all I did was criticize my (ex) wife and accuse her of being nit-picky and too sensitive.

I had several other unhappy relationships in my 20s and 30s before I met Katie. I thought women were too critical and too obsessed with talking about feelings. I didn’t fully believe them when they said they loved me or wanted me to be happy.

The truth was, I was out of touch with my own feelings. I wasn’t “sensitive” enough to what my mind and heart wanted and needed. Therefore, I projected those unacknowledged aspects of myself onto others.

I was secretly judgmental.

It wasn’t until I had a major breakthrough in my life where I finally learned how to love myself that all that changed.

I met and fell in love, lost 100 pounds, and exploded my career.

Learning to love yourself in a relationship is seeing that you will create the very situations you need that allow you to experience the parts of yourself you cannot love.

When you do that, you stop seeing the “wrong” in others. You stop being triggered all the time, and you become a less judgmental person.

When you love all of yourself, as if by magic, you will find yourself being completely loved by others.

Peace and Joy this Holiday Season to all

Warmly,

Gail Adams  7 in Heaven Singles Events

www.7inHeaven.com

*Article was originally written by Kate and Gay CLICK HERE to view

*Loneliness (it’s how you choose to socialize)

One of the biggest causes of unhappiness is loneliness.  I’m not referring to having somebody special in your life; having a significant other doesn’t mean you won’t be lonely.  Being lonely generally stems from lack of social stimulation.  The technology age is definitely perpetuating this by means of text messaging, Facebook, Twitter and other ‘Social Networks’.  People are so addicted to these forms of social technology that they forget humans require real genuine human interaction. Socially insecure people tend to gravitate to online socializing because they have more control over the amount and timing of their interactions.  Reducing face to face interactions tends to reduce social anxiety for less extroverted individuals. Unfortunately staying within your comfort zone, limits personal growth, and prevents the development of valuable face to face relationships.

Don’t have something to do tonight? Instead of commenting on everybody’s Facebook statuses, give somebody a call and go out for a drink, you would be surprised how much better it feels to talk to a real life physical human being.

If you are single and feel like you need a significant other to be happy, I am going to be blunt,  YOU ARE WRONG.  You can’t be in a healthy relationship until you are happy independently.  Using somebody else as a crutch for your happiness is a one way trip to an unhealthy relationship.  If you are struggling to find a companion, stop looking in bars and stop looking online.  Consider joining activity clubs for singles or participate in a group activity that encourages socialization.  You will meet like minded people who share more in common with you that booze or Facebook friends.

If you really struggle with making friends, read Dale Carnegie’s classic book “How to Win Friends and Influence People“.  This book was written in 1937 and still stands true to this day. It will supply you with the tools needed to form amazing relationships.

Or visit this page 10 Good Tips to help you fight Loneliness

Warm Regards,

 

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

 

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804    EMAIL: info@7-in-heaven.com

Personal Matchmaking Services

by Gail – www.HeavenlyMatch.net

*She almost didn’t go out with him & now she’s married to him

This story is brought to you by Liesel Rigsby, The Energetic Matchmaker.

CLICK HERE to view web site

Erin and Tom’s Love Story

---

Before Tom

After my divorce and before I met Tom, I dated a couple of guys seriously and both times I got super heart broken.

I went into a period of just kind of giving up and not being selective. It was a really cruddy time. I was herding myself through a series of bad choices – dating people I knew it wouldn’t work with.

I got glimpses of what it would be like to have different qualities in a relationship. I dated men who wanted to commit to me or bond with my son Ben or move in together, but they were all like 25.

My friends called me out and said why are you dating 25 year olds who want to be serious with you, but aren’t really ready for it? They’re all too young for you.

I guess it was like getting the illusion of a committed relationship, but not what it would be like with an adult person.

Online Dating Rules

I had one friend who’d been online dating and she talked me into trying it out. At the same time I was doing Soulmate School and another program about being in my power.

So I signed up for a dating site and set new rules for myself.

I had been picking people out based solely on physical attraction and that wasn’t working out for me. The guys I was dating looked amazing on ‘minute one’ but then as I got to know them better they weren’t so great after all.

So with my new rules, I decided I was going to get to know people first and leave the physical stuff out of the game for awhile.

My First Rule was that anyone who asks me out that seems kind and respectful, I go out with him, regardless of looks.

For me it was about meeting and interacting with different people more than anything else.

I went on 20-25 dates in one month. In one day, I had a lunch date, met a guy for a drink after work, and then another guy for a dinner date.

Everyone I met was really nice. And I got to see all of them side by side. How they treated me. One would call when he said he would and then another wouldn’t.

It made it easy to let the not so good situations go without wasting too much time on them. Why would I put up with not being treated well, when there’s plenty of people out there who have their act together and are kind and respectful?

My Second Rule was if the first date wasn’t horrible I’d go on a second date, regardless of whether I was attracted to him or not.

Meeting Tom – No Spark at First

In the end there were 3 people that I was dating.

Tom was one of them.

The day before I met him for the first time, I called my friend and said ‘I want a man who is all of it – adventurous and exciting and sexy and strong and masculine and nice and kind, thoughtful and caring.’ I said to her, ‘maybe I’m  being unrealistic. Maybe I should let that go and just accept that the kind of man who is one side is probably not the other’.

The next day was my first date with Tom.

I thought he was really nice and we had a lot in common and I liked talking to him, but there wasn’t a spark for me. Still I followed my second rule and went out with him again.

On our second date there was more of connection. He was nice, but quiet and all the things we talked about were fine, but again there wasn’t really that spark.

Third Date Fireworks

Then on the third date, it all changed.

He took me canoeing.

He’s a rock climbing and canoeing instructor, and he was totally in his comfort zone. It was like he lit up.

He started showing this adventurous, funny and witty side of himself. And I thought to myself ‘Oh my God, he might possibly be all of it. All of the things I thought I couldn’t have in one guy’.

It felt like everything we talked about that day was right on. There was this spark and connection there and it completely caught me off guard. I had thought if I didn’t feel that connection in the first moment of meeting then it wouldn’t happen.

All of a sudden, it felt really comfortable and exciting all at the same time. I had this knowing feeling of ‘this is it’.

If I had only judged Tom by his online profile, I wouldn’t have gone out with him.  I would have dismissed him as a nice guy but not lively enough for me.

Even after the first date I could have said he’s nice but ‘eh not really doing it for me’.

Tom felt the connection from the first time he saw me – when he saw me walk up on our first date. He thought to himself ‘oh whoa this is different’. Thank God I set those rules!

He’s the perfect combination of both sides of the spectrum – adventurous and masculine and kind and caring.

It’s only gotten better and better over time. We have so much fun all the time, even when we’re just hanging out and talking and being with each other.

Almost Sabotaged It

While we were dating I did a good job of keeping myself in check as far as the things you teach. I kept myself energized and stayed true to myself.

But all along the way I was on the lookout for it to fail.

As we kept getting closer and closer, I got really scared. I started making up issues that didn’t exist to try and protect myself.  I thought that I must be missing something really bad, because it couldn’t be this good.

Without your help and my brother’s help, I would have sabotaged it.

You both talked me out of a few situations where I might have shut it down. I remember thinking that I knew that I was ready because I was turning to people like you and my brother who kept me in it – where in the past I would have gone to other single friends who would say ‘oh just leave that’.

I knew somewhere inside me that this relationship was going good places, so I was careful who I went to for advice.

It was scary for both of us, but we were both willing to keep taking steps forward.

Getting Married

After nearly a year, we started talking about living together. I was clear that I didn’t want to move in without being married, because we both have kids. His son is 4 and mine is 8. They’ve always gotten along super well and really love each other, which is so wonderful.

So we found this really cute house and on the day they went to get the paperwork, I felt sick to my stomach. I loved Tom and I loved the house. I knew we were going to get married at some point, but the house was moving faster than the wedding situation was.

Tom is so wonderful at knowing when I’m off or something is up. So he asked me what was going on, and we had a conversation about why it was so important for me to be married before we moved in. We had talked about it before, but it had kind of gotten lost in the house looking.

Two days later he bought a ring and proposed to me under a giant tree (we both love trees and nature and being outside).

We got married 4 weeks later and moved into the new cute house the same day.

It’s funny in telling the story, it sounds like it all went really fast. We met in July and got married the following July. But it never felt fast. I knew that we’d be together after date 3. It was just about giving ourselves enough time to get to know each other.

I feel so grateful all the time, and I’ll often tear up out of love and gratitude when we’re talking. We support each other and are more in love than I even know what to do with sometimes. It’s just wonderful.

I couldn’t imagine a more perfect fit for me.

~~~~~~~

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804    EMAIL: info@7-in-heaven.com

Personal Matchmaking Services

by Gail – www.HeavenlyMatch.net

*What happens when your online date DOESN’T look like their picture?

The Appalling Responses To A Woman Who Wore A Fat Suit To Meet Her Tinder Dates

The Huffington Post By Cavan Sieczkowski

What happens when someone’s online dating photos don’t match the real-life version?

For men and women, the responses are dramatically different — and definitely a bit sexist.

In the world of online dating, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer while men are afraid of meeting someone who is fat, at least according to one survey cited in HBO’s 2011 documentary, “When Strangers Click: Five Stories From the Internet.” The guys behind Simple Pickup, a male-driven dating site “devoted to the fine art of picking up girls,” decided to conduct a social experiment to test this very theory.

The idea behind Simple Pickup’s social experiment was to capture the responses of both males and females who meet someone on Tinder who weighs “a little more than [his or her] photo suggests.”

First, they found male Tinder matches for a female friend, using photos that showed her appearing physically thin. Then, before the date, they used body adhesives and makeup to make her appear physically larger than in her photos. A hidden camera was set up at the date site to record the reactions of each of the five men she met during the day.

The results were nothing short of awful. Responses ranged from quizzical to angry. One guy claimed he was married. Another went to use the bathroom, but never returned.

“You look kind of more voluptuous … Are you pregnant?” one man asked before saying “I really don’t appreciate people lying to me,” and leaving.

“It’s very upsetting,” another said. “I’m a little upset. I wasted gas and my time to come over here, and I can’t do this.”

Of the five matches, only one stayed the entire time — although, at one point he did ask her: “Do you like to eat?”

A man doesn’t have to be attracted to a woman to respect her, yet that’s exactly what unfolds in the video. Just because a woman is fat doesn’t mean she isn’t sexy — and encountering a fat woman rather than a thin one does not relieve anyone from practicing human decency.

Simple Pickup conducted the same exact experiment with the roles reversed, using a male participant and female Tinder matches, and the results were shockingly different.

When the Tinder matches met the man who was made up to appear heavier in person, they were not nearly as blunt as their male counterparts. Although each one acknowledged he looked different from his photos, most were nice. Three were willing to continue the date or go out with him again, and one gave him a kiss.

Watch the two social experiments below.

CLICK HERE to see Video with men responses to meeting her….

Click here to see women respond to man that weighs more then his picture

Originally Posted by The Huffington Post By Cavan Sieczkowski

Warm Regards,

Gail Adams  Event Coordinator

7 in Heaven Singles Events

 On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804    

*First Dates: Who Should Pay…and Why?

First Dates: Who Should Pay…and Why?

This topic always stirs up great conversation (and surprising controversy!).

Relationship expert Dave Elliott believes it is the men who should take care of the check, and below are his reasons why.

Written by Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

Recently, the advertising agency, Leo Burnett, conducted an exhaustive study on the state of relationships today and one of the items caught my eye. According to the study, only 68 percent of men treat on the first date. Now, before I explain exactly why this is a problem—and how we can shift that dynamic for the benefit of both parties—I want to examine the big picture on this issue and hopefully contribute to a useful dialogue on the topic.

How Did We Get Here?

If 32 percent of men are letting women pick up the tab, I suspect there are several contributing factors beyond just players and lonely women. For some, it’s an economic issue—especially for men rebuilding financially after a divorce. For many women, they find it more comfortable to reach for a check than to have an awkward conversation. Plus, in some respects, people are still finding their way in a world where the women’s movement has come a very long way in a relatively short time and many women actually out-earn the men who would seek to date them. In any event, it’s factors like these and many more that add up to a lot of confusion and this gray area.

Let’s Clear Up Some Confusion

As a relationship coach who works with clients all over the world, I’m frequently asked about who should pay on a date. However, regardless of the country, the language spoken, or the customs, my answer is universal. This is because it’s not based on the laws of finance, geography or culture. It’s based on the Universal Laws of Polarity and they’re always at work whether you know them, like them, or even agree with them. So with that in mind, I’d love to definitively answer the question once and for all—and as promised, I want to help set up both women and men so they can actually win.

A Man Only Has Two Gifts 

When it comes down to understanding the Laws of Polarity, masculine energy only has two gifts to offer the feminine. Simply put, it’s his job to protect and provide. In order for feminine energy to relax into a relationship and let her guard down, she absolutely must feel “safe” and if she doesn’t, it’s game over.

In order to feel safe, she probably has to be in the company of a man who is confident, relaxed and grounded. He has to not only take care of himself, but also take care of her. This means she has to feel protected and safe in his company—both from outside forces—and from him. She also needs to feel like he can provide for her needs and look after her. Obviously, the easiest and most symbolic way to demonstrate that is by providing the meal you are sharing.

So, what is the woman’s responsibility here?

If a man’s responsibility is to protect and provide, the gift of the woman is her ability to nurture and have her man’s back. Simply put, a man is looking for a woman who will gratefully receive his gifts and appreciate his generosity. The fact is, a man can be with anyone else at any given time and when he invests his time, talent and treasure with a woman, he simply wants it to be acknowledged. Those who seem less than grateful or have an attitude of entitlement should realize how distasteful that is and not be surprised when a good man finds it to be a deal-breaker.

Here’s How You Both Benefit

By understanding the underlying energetic laws that are in play whenever two people meet for a date, you must understand that polarity is everything. Ideally, that means the man is in his masculine energy as the pursuer or hunter while the feminine is pursued and feels desired. People decide within minutes of meeting if there are “sparks” of attraction and you never get a second chance to make a first impression.

If a man is uncertain or lacks confidence and a woman is pursuing him or picking up the tab, the best you can hope for is reverse polarity—and over time, when you’re living in anything other than your core essence, eventually it adds up to pain and disconnection.

Okay, as promised…how do you get a man to pick up the tab?

As I’ve explained, it really serves both men and women to start out a prospective romance by putting their best foot forward. So with that in mind, here’s how you can handle it the next time you have that awkward moment when the check is sitting on the table and no one is grabbing for it…yet. Ladies, I want you to simply say something to the effect of this:

“Hey, listen…about the bill. I’m happy to split that with you or even pick up the tab myself, but I read this article once (the one you’re reading right now, by the way) where it said that men actually take a great deal of pride in protecting and providing for a woman. It also said that it’s demeaning and disrespectful to a man to not give him that opportunity or accept his gift gratefully…so how would you like to handle that? I would never disrespect you…”

In most cases, it will be his idea to do that for you and you will have educated him gently in case no one has ever shared with him why a man should be a provider. However, if Romeo still doesn’t take the hint or at least have an authentic and vulnerable conversation on why he can’t, you’ve probably still found out everything you need to know about him on the first date.

And guys, if my suggestion is a problem for you, just make it a “policy” to make all your first dates a quick coffee or tea to see if there’s chemistry. You don’t need to provide a $100 dinner to decide if you want to continue getting to know someone when a $3 coffee will do the job.

Good luck to both of you!

Article from Web site . http://www.yourtango.com/

Dave Elliott, YourTango.com relationship expert

* My Love Life…No one is coming

This information is brought to you by Orna!

Hello singles out there!

I want to share 3 important words that have changed my life forever when it came to finding love. Those words are:

Nobody is coming.

 

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WHAT ABOUT YOU?
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Listen, if you and I were sitting across from each other in a cafe, and we were being totally honest with each other, here’s what I would say to you (because I care enough about you to give you the straight truth with no sugar coating):

“Is it fair to say that you’ve been struggling with relationships for a while now? Sure sometimes it’s been easier than others, but in the end… here you are… still single and waiting for “the one” to show up.”

“You have to take responsibility for what’s in Your Love Imprint™ and change it so that it guides you toward success… automatically. If you don’t change Your Love Imprint™, I guarantee that your unconscious mind is going to keep making you feel attracted to guys that are wrong for you.”

“Nobody is coming to magically fix things. You have to do the same thing you did in your career and take action so you can be successful.”

Ouch… I know. But in our heart of hearts, you know it’s the truth, and I’m the one who cares enough to give it to you straight.

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DO I TAKE MY OWN ADVICE?
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Absolutely.

Once I finally stopped trying to figure out what was wrong with all the men out there and started looking at my own love imprint, I was shocked at what I found in there.

I finally realized that NOTHING I did was going to work until my love imprint was straightened out, and that’s when I took action.  

The result? I met my soulmate, got married, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been 🙂

And guess what? It was EASY! It was sooooooooo much easier once my love imprint was actually working to attract a healthy relationship instead of a toxic one.

What about you?

http://creatingloveonpurpose.com

 

Love and Abundance,

Orna

 

* Speed Pool Connection Leads to Marriage!

Julio sent to me recently letting me know of this connection that lead to a marriage ! Although I know of hundreds of connections, and marriages made through  7 in Heaven, not everyone takes the time to write to me and let me know how they have met someone fabulous attending my events.

Thank you to all that have done so, as your happiness, is my joy
for allowing me to know this really does work

Please keep those notes coming.

Gail

 

Hi Gail,

I thought it was worthwhile letting you know about a success story from attending one of your events in Oceanside more than 3 years ago. When people ask how we met, we still fondly recall all the details from that night.

Both me and my wife, Heather, were invited as secondary guests through our friends and after a 2.5 year courtship we married last October. Although we only attended one of your events, there was just the right connection and fortunate timing to develop into a life together.

Best wishes to you and a prosperous business.

Julio

 

—————————-

Gail Adams  Owner and Founder 

7 in Heaven Singles Events

 

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site- www.7-in-heaven.com

631- 592-9804    EMAIL: info@7-in-heaven.com

Personal Matchmaking Services

by Gail – www.HeavenlyMatch.net

*Do you believe in Love at First Site?

THE NEW RULES OF ATTRACTION

by NINA MALKIN

When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that anyone would be a fool not to follow them. Maybe you’re a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you’re attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: if you feel fireworks, your date’s a keeper; if it bombs, you decide to cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today’s dating world. In short, many rules people choose to follow need a little revamping. To that end, we’ve consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date strategies for finding someone you’ll click with romantically.

Old rule: You can tell if you’re truly attracted to someone in three seconds.

New rule: You can’t tell if you’re truly attracted to someone until you’ve had three dates.

“Love at first sight” is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it’s convenient to think you can tell whether you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience by sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you’re a match (or not). The reason? People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can someone truly relax and maybe build some rapport with another person. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone’s long-term partnering potential. “An important part of a compatible relationship is ensuring that each partner’s values coincide — and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues,” says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don’t write someone off (or fall head over heels) until you’ve done your due diligence.

Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your “must-have list.”

New rule: A “must-have list” looks great on paper, but it won’t keep you warm at night.

You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary, etc. — but unless you’re building your partner in a lab, you’re almost certainly missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-packs-a-day smoker who doesn’t want kids when you’re allergic to cigarette smoke and eager to start a family… but settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. “Wish lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating,” says relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. “They’re too limiting and don’t allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable.” Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone’s height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone’s 6’2”, blonde, or makes six figures doesn’t mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your wish list describing your ideal mate as just one factor in deciding who’s right for you.

Old rule: Opposites attract.

New rule: Opposites attract and they attack! 

Dating your diametric opposite might mean feeling the surprise of relating to someone really new and different than your usual type, trading lots of challenging banter, and sharing scintillating chemistry — but sustaining a partnership with this person may ultimately prove to be unfulfilling. “The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life, that attraction fizzles quickly,” says Alyssa Wodtke, coauthor of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “If you don’t like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the home. And if you don’t want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?” We’re not saying that you should end up with someone identical to yourself, but ideally, it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).

Old rule: Your date’s taste in music (or movies, or books) mirrors yours — so you must be soul mates.

New rule: You want to fall in love with a person, not a playlist.

Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you just know it must be love. After all, each of you has seen Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside and out. But don’t confuse having mirror-image tastes with romantic chemistry. In fact, it’s probably better if your interests don’t match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in pursuits that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. “Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her and our’ time,” notes Dr. Fleming. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart — with you doing dips at ballroom dancing class and your date doing the wave at an NBA game, for example.

Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience.

New rule: Your first kiss is ultimately inconsequential.

In fairy tales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after — no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (like nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) — and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you’ve just been dumped and are looking for validation, perhaps?). “A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes, like shared values,” points out Dr. Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mindblowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two — either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.

Old rule: When it’s true love, you think about the other person constantly.

New rule: When it’s true love, thinking about the other person makes you feel good.

Hmm, has Willie Nelson’s cover of “Always on My Mind” become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. “Constantly thinking about another person isn’t love, it’s infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match,” says Dr. Fleming. Ultimately, it’s a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. “If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust and a strong ‘friendship’ factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time,” says Dr. Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person’s emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn’t really want to be yours.

Article written by : Nina Malkin

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

*When do you meet the REAL person you’re dating?

One of the funniest lines I ever heard about dating was something Chris Rock once said:   “When you date…have you ever notice when you meet somebody for the first time, you’re not meeting them. You’re meeting their “representative”. Then after a about 3 months you meet the REAL Candidate”

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Dear Gail:

I wanted to give you some background on me, and possible you could give me some advice. I have been in the “dating” world for the last 10-years now, and I have not much luck keeping a man in my life for more than a 3-month relationship. Various reasons for this, all BS, but reasons nonetheless — or excuses rather. For example some of the breakup excuses have been:
“You are too good to be with a jerk like me.” (huh?)
“I respect you too much to be dating you casually.” (Did I say I wanted a serious relationship!??)
“You are the type I would take home to my mom, and right now I just want to get laid.” (dude, I never said I wanted to meet your mom!)
“How can you want to date me knowing it’s not going to last? What is the point?” (Urrr…nothing lasts forever, and whatever happened to enjoying the present?)
“I am scared of commitment.” (I don’t want to marry you!)
“It’s not you, it’s me.” (One of my all time favorites)

I’ve had the  “I’m really still in love with my ex” thing, The mutual break-up “you know …we like each other but not enough to keep dating” this one is one of  the cleanest cut ways out.

However, what might be interesting to note is that all these guys went on to have serious relationships after me. I don’t know what to think of that, and maybe I rather not think about it at all.
Maybe I was too easy to catch.

Maybe I shouldn’t have played those stupid games that everyone plays.

Maybe I gave too much too soon.

Maybe I didn’t give enough.

Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten involved with each other in the first place.

Who knows?

It seems like the minute it’s more painful than fun, you get out.

But, when the pattern repeats itself on numerous occasions, repeats you can’t help but wonder.

Anyway, below are the thought process I have held onto that has help me deal with this 3 month cycle of dating:
– You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to: if someone doesn’t want to be with you there is no convincing him into it.
– It’s all about personal growth: whether in or out of an involvement with someone, as long as you’ve grown in some way (together or apart), it was worth it.
– Nobody dies of a broken heart: you fall, you get up, you dust off, you move on.
– Everything happens for a reason.

Someone once told me that you attract what you are ready for.

Maybe subconsciously this is all I have ever been ready for?

A short- term relationship ready for the moment?

Or, have I been missing something to prevent the long term commitment I am seeking?

Single forever?

“Sam”

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Dear Sam,

To avoid finding yourself in this situation, I am going to tell you loudly to STOP what you are doing and step back s-l-o-w-l-y. Dating goes through stages. If you try to avoid one of the stages, problems may develop in the relationship, which may result in you or your partner ending the relationship. When you recognize what stage of dating the relationship is in, you will understand what is called for or needed in order to move through that stage and onto the next stage.

It requires patience and understanding.

Month One: The Meeting

The purpose of stage one is to determine if there is enough physical attraction, chemistry, commonality and interest to warrant dating. For some people, it may take a couple of meetings to determine if they want to date a particular person. Decision to continue will come as long as both parties find each other interesting and fun to be with, and physically attracted to.

Month Two: Dating

Month two is the romantic stage and during this stage both of you want to spend increasingly amounts of time together. People often describe this stage as feeling physically attracted or infatuated with the other person. Because two people are having fun and really attracted to each other. Sometimes they tend to overlook those cute irritants (I call it Rose Color Glasses) of their partner in order to focus on the strong attraction and the positive feelings. But… without this stage of intense infatuation, a relationship can’t move on to the next stage. So if you and your partner are on two different pages with regard to your feelings for each other, it is best for you to be patient and wait for you partner to catch up. Doing this demonstrates to your partner that you are caring, patient and supportive. Too needy or too distance will drive the person further away.

Month Three: The “RELATIONSHIP”

Month three is where differences between the couple begin coming to the surface and it’s usually means make or BREAK in relationship.  Now the focuses are on how the two of you work through disagreements, differences of opinions and ideas as well as different approaches and issues about sex, communication and commitment. It is also an opportunity to both learn and use problem-solving skills with your partner. Arguing in a relationship is not the problem. The problem arises when couples don’t know or use healthy skills to resolve conflict. Stage three is also an opportunity to build a deeper relationship with your partner as each of you recognizes that you are loved and accepted for being your true self. This is where trust develops in a relationship.

Month Six: Independence and Interdependence

Month six is a when the couple learns how to be a couple and still maintain a level of independence within the relationship. During this period of time the couple begins to incorporate their previous relationships skills and fun interests into the couple relationship. For some people the fear of their partner wanting to socialize without them, triggers feelings of insecurity, or fear of an imminent ending to the relationship. If this is the case, the partner with the insecurity does not address his or her own issues, the result maybe unintended break-up. Of course there could be dozens of other reasons too, that why “dating is about discovery”.

One Year: Healthy Commitment

If you reach the one year stage is where the individuals are willing to make decisions about a long term commitment with one another. By now hopefully the couple has built a foundation on trust, honesty and integrity. For some this may lead to marriage for others this means being in a monogamous relationship.

Since you have trouble moving on past the third month, my suggestion to you is to slow down and allow your boyfriend time to realize his feelings for you are deeper than just friends. This won’t happen by you pointing it out to him. It will happen by him going through the stages at his own pace.

All the best on your quest!

Gail

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously or email me
direct at info@7-in-heaven.com
visit the web site to check out our fun
events http:// www.7-in-heaven.com

* Pain is Inevitable …Suffering is Optional

I felt the need to write this latest BLOG because I suddenly became aware of how many singles out there both men and women were so angry! It started on Facebook one day when I innocently posted a picture of some well behaving subdued young guys, in a nice restaurant, in a rather upscale town, just sitting at the bar in the restaurant and watching the game.

I had NO JUDGMENT about them, just found it interesting that since I always hear from the ladies “where are all the guys” here my friend and I, were the only women in the place! So with humor, I posted the picture of the young guys on my FACEBOOK page saying “who says there are no guys on Long Island”

WELL …some 83 posts later…and the two worst offenders blocked… the dust finally settled. Bitter angry words, much judgment about these guys flew back and forth from one angry guy who seemed to hate women .. and one angry woman who was very vengeful about men

This BLOG is for you…..

I have always admired people who have known defeat, known suffering, struggle, loss, yet have found their way out of the depths of their pain without blaming others. These people have an appreciation, and an understanding of life that this too will pass like the storm that moves across the sky.

If you can understand this, you will find it’s sometimes amazing how our greatest joy may have been born from our deepest pain. The highs and lows of love, are part of its reality … part of its nature. Learn how to embrace it, learn to ride it out like the storm.

You must find the strength, and wisdom and faith in knowing that suffering, blaming, staying in the “victim role” will never serve you but keep you stuck in the storm that never passes.

There is a purpose for every person you meet. Instead of viewing and judging these people that have done you wrong, try your best to view people that come in and out of your life, as there for a purpose. Your job is to figure out WHY and WHAT they have taught you.
Some are there to test you, they will use you, and betray you. Some are truly in this life solely for themselves and do not have the skills to think beyond themselves.

Others will teach you, and bring out the best in you and be your genuine friend.

Your quest is figure out if the person in your life is serving you for your best interest.

Different people will teach us different things, but in every lesson, one must always remember that life is too short to hold on to anger and spite.   Instead of choosing to suffer, perhaps that someone that came into your life, came to teach you something.

But if you have someone in your life that is hateful and bitter and always pointing fingers at everyone else, be careful not to let this fool bring you to their level. Remove yourself from the situation, the drama, the vacuum that will suck you dry. If you hang out with these types too long, we start to become the people the energies we hang around with .

Find and seek out the people who are here in your life to teach you, recognize all the gifts and talents that you have. Maybe talents that you had no clue was inside you, develop those relationships.

Don’t waste time becoming angry and trying to control the situation or wishing it turned out different.

 and remember ….sometimes when you don’t get what you want its a wonderful stroke of lucky

Warm Regards,

Gail Adams- Event Coordinator7 in Heaven Singles Events

On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-www.7-in-heaven.com

*How to tell if you are dating a commitment phobic

So you have been dating, you met someone you are really excited about, they are complimentary, attentive, full of excitement about the future. Then suddenly one day, they are MIA (missing in action) no return call for hours or a day or so. They explain they are just busy, nothings wrong but the distance seems to grow. Then it happens, they explain, “its not you its ME”

It could be they are commitment phobic

Commitment phobics are actually tortured souls full of FEAR. They are in a constant state of emotional conflict because of their negative irrational beliefs about love, commitment and relationships.

Generally, commitment phobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married; yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain long-lasting connections. Why? because many have such a long list of must-haves, they probably may not find anybody ever! With the long list of expectations, it is a way of expressing, that they are commitment phobic people. Ironically, in romantic relationships, the commitment phobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for love with the frightening reality of “forever” leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating.

One potentially misleading aspect of commitment phobic behavior is that the partner who is actively running away from commitment is the only one with a problem!

In fact, commitment phobic behavior includes those individuals that are “settling” for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationships as well as those fleeing from a stable romance. Any persistent behavior that actively prevents a person from making a commitment or allows a person to make excuses for not having made a commitment can be considered commitment phobic.

Here are some clues, which apply to many (but not all) Commitment phobics

1. They usually have a history of short relationships and they may never have been married – there is often an excuse that they haven’t met the right person, or they justify their history by saying they still have plenty of time to settle down as they can have children at any age. A favorite line is “someday”.

2. If they have been married it is likely to have been for a short time, or, if they have been in a long term relationship or marriage, they will usually have a history of infidelity.

3. They want a relationship but they also want freedom and space so they are often attracted to long distance relationships and busy independent people.

4. They are fast to move toward a monogamous relationship, and they pursue ardently until they win the person over.

5. They are very charming. They say and do all the right things and they can be very romantic. They are very good salesmen to get their own needs met, but in reality they have very little concern for the other person’s feelings, as they are always operating from hidden agendas.

6. Commitment phobics love the chase but they don’t want the kill. This may happen after 1 night, 1 week, 1 month, 3 months or 1 year. They may start sabotaging just as they are about to get married, or just before or after there’s a decision made to move in together.

7. Severe commitment phobics avoid events or outings that may include the woman’s family or friends.

8. They can have a history of unavailability and inaccessibility. They can be hard to contact, and they are often unpredictable when it comes to returning phone calls. They can even avoid answering calls completely. They are like this with family and friends as well, although this is not the case in their working environment.

9. They hate planning ahead because that means commitments.

10. Behavioral inconsistencies are very noticeable with these men when they find themselves getting too close. They become argument and abusive, or they create distance. A lot of uncaring sabotage behaviors surface ex: working long hours, taking on new projects, not able to make social commitments with you, not calling back, finding fault with the person they are involved with.

11. The word “forever” terrifies them. They usually end up behaving worse and worse, creating sabotage to make the person want to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so themselves.

How you can handle a commitment phobic

Don’t rush into bed with these types, especially the ones who are very charming and pursue ardently, as they are the ones to be most wary of. Take your time. Listen carefully to a person’s history and actions. As you continue to date, if they tend to exclude you from other areas of their life such as meeting friends, family, hobbies, social get-togethers, the writing is on the wall – beware. Understand that your love and attention won’t change him but not needing him and giving him space might. If you still see things not coming together after some time, get out now…. OR be prepared  to not expect a close committed relationship – be prepared to take the relationship for what it is. You will not change them. Actions speak louder than words. Believe what they do, not what they say.

Favorite saying I once read:

A man of words but not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds.

 

Wishing you joy on your journey,

Gail

7in-Heaven Singles Events
On your search for the one, we make being single fun!

Web site-http://www.7-in-heaven.com

 

Opinions? Comments? Personal experiences?
You can comment below anonymously

*Forgiving and letting go after a breakup

I received a call the other day from someone who was thinking of registering for a SPEED DATING event of ours. The woman went on to explain her boyfriend of 6yrs just “left her” and to use her words… was devastated and lost, as she stated she really loved him. She claims she doesn’t even know exactly WHY the breakup happened and doesn’t think she will ever meet anyone again. She can’t seem to get the whole thing out of her mind; so because her friends insisted she should get out, she was calling me to go to the SPEED DATING event.

I told her: 

OF COURSE YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN!

But are you sure you are ready to do an event like Speed Dating yet? 

If you can’t get this off your mind, you may talk about it a bit too much, and if you did, it would not be to your advantage to tell every man you meet at the event what you just told me! How much you loved this man and how brokenhearted you are. Not attractive…

I agree with your friends you need to get out of the house and do something, but I encourage you to be honest with everyone you meet and explain you are joining us tonight to simply make some new friends at this point and leave it at that.

The first and most critical step is to allow yourself time to heal after a breakup or separation.

DON’T isolate yourself, get out and socialize, but don’t look for an immediate replacement!

Instead try just going out just for the fun of … going out!

This is why I host all kinds of events for every stage of this process.

Some are not actually ready at this time to step out and go on a real “DATE”.  So for those I suggest a Speed Dating event, which is really a great way to “practice” dating again for those that have not dated in quite some time. Or for some, a simple mixer such as a single mingle or activity (Bowling, Mini Golf etc.) event is a great way to ‘get your feet wet’.

Or for our newbie’s to dating try our Brunch Social Brunch (CLICK HERE for the NEXT Suffolk or Nassau event ) simply to just make some new single friends! For some  all they may need at this point, is to get back out there and simply make some new single friends, whom you have more in common with.
The first 6 months to a year after a death of a spouse, divorce, or breakup of a long term relationship, are hard enough; so don’t make it worse by sitting home alone and sulking. Force yourself to rise from your sorrow if you have to. Get out there and spend time around caring newly single people like yourself now more than ever.

But date slowly during this process.

What I mean by that is try not to get too emotionally involved so not to repeat the same bad relationship you just got out of!

Take this example: “Debbie” just got divorced. Her husband always expressed anger by yelling. This made her feel out of control. Debbie now swears that she will never again marry a man who yells.

“Within 2 years, Debbie meets and marries Joe.

Now Joe… never gets angry.

Problem solved – right?

No.

Joe gets angry like everyone else, but when he’s angry, he becomes silent. Debbie finds that this silence treatment, brings about the same anxiety/stress that her first husband’s yelling did. .

Has she made a bad choice with Joe?

No, but she has to deal with those feelings of being out of control when Joe gives her the silent treatment instead of yelling. The situation forces her to deal with those feelings all over again. If she blames Joe for her unhappiness, instead of discovering herself, she is destined to divorce again.

To fully rise from the pain of a breakup, the final stage of healing is so simple yet most people miss it:

Forgive yourself, and forgive your ex.

Forgive yourself for all the things you could have done.

Forgive your ex for everything you wish he/she could have done.

Make the decision to move on and leave the past behind, no matter what it is or how “wronged” you felt you were.

That is the final step in healing and emerging from a divorce or breakup.

Here is a great quote from Sara Paddison:

Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologizes or changes.

Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you.

Love them and release them.

Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time—just like it does for you and me.

–Sara Paddison

And when you reach this important level of healing you can truly be open again to be with someone else.

 

All the best on your quest!,

Gail

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